I’m Feeling Much Better Now…

They say misery loves company.

They were right.

I might as well have titled my last post “Avengers Assemble!”, as it drew my many personal heroes to my side when I needed them most. If there are words powerful enough to convey my sense of gratitude, folks, they do not rest in my consciousness.

I love you all.

And yes, that may have sounded ridiculously gay, but who cares?

In an effort to restore balance to my universe, here is an upbeat, positively-charged post dripping with hope and laughter.


 1)  “Do you know where I can find a riding crop, buddy?

2)  “Can you disable the smoke alarm in my room? My lady and I are trying to ‘bust it’ and it keeps going off! The alarm, not my lady!

3)   “I need you to remove the Bible from my room, I’m an atheist.”

4)   “Can you transport my antlers down to my car? I’ve almost finished scraping the fur off them…”

5)  “Does the hotel have a dry-cleaning service that can remove vomit from a ladies adult rabbit costume?”

The next request came from three young ladies who were checking in late one Friday night at the first hotel that employed me as a bellman.

6)  “Hi! We’re here with this guy who picked us up at a rest stop. He’s too drunk to drive anymore! Can you park his car for him?” (I informed the ladies that the hotel did not have a valet service, but their answer, coupled with 40$ in my hand, convinced me to make an exception.)

7)  “I realize its 4 a.m., but do you know where we can find a dwarf?”

8)  “My husband comes to Niagara Falls quite a bit on his own and I’m worried he’s being unfaithful. With other men. If I paid you, could you help me determine if – ” I stopped her right there. Fortunately for this young lady, one of my colleagues had no moral qualms about helping her determine her husband’s sexual leanings.

For the record, she was right. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

9)  “The girl the agency sent over is ugly. In fat, she’s fugly! Could you come up and escort her back downstairs? I refuse to open the door after I caught a look at her through the peephole!”

10)  “My date is passed out on the bed. I think she took too many… um, motion sickness pills. Could you help me get her dressed?”

Did I mention the gray-haired gentleman in this case was in his sixties? And his date was sixteen, if she was a day? And finally, did I mention he was an ordained minister?

And finally, for everyone who was concerned about my emotional well-being, here is a list of my positive qualities.


1)  I don’t smoke. The extra lung power comes in handy when I’m releasing primal screams in the service elevators…

2)  My work makes people laugh. And some of them are actually laughing with me.

3)  There is a book listed on Amazon with my name on it. The Bellman Chronicles will always represent several milestones in my life, most notably my decision to devote my literary energies to crafting an original tome that represents my evolution as a writer. Not to worry, though, I’ll always use my books to mete out punishment to deserving hotel guests…

4)  I am a loving , faithful husband. Although VampireLover would most likely argue that its easy to be faithful when “no one else will have you!”

5)  My daughter adores me. Yesterday was an exception though: “Not all of Dad’s comic  books are in mint condition, Mom!”

6)  My Mom loves me. Don’t laugh, I have friends who have exchanged gunfire with their creator.

7)  I don’t drink and never have. I have a few blogging allies who struggle with alcoholism and I would never presume to claim I occupy a higher state of being than anyone who drinks, but at the end of the day, I’m damn proud of myself for remaining sober for forty-three years. I’ve seen the effects alcohol can have on a human being and everyone around them, and so people like Le Clown, Sherrie Theriault and Tracy Fulks are my heroes. Characters clad in capes and armor have played a huge role in crafting my life, but beings of flesh and blood, who struggle against the darkness armed only with their willpower, are the ones I wish to emulate.

8)  My life is a testament to the positive power of comic books. As I’ve said, I’ve been a comic book geek my whole life – and I still got the girl. Chew on that, everyone who thinks all comic book readers are asthmatic, basement-dwelling virginal losers!

9)  I’ve never held a firearm or been in trouble with the “fuzz”.  In this day and age, that’s saying a lot.

10)  I own up to my mistakes – eventually! If I can mend fences with Jessica Stilwell – although credit goes to the lovely Jessica for that one – then there is hope for me after all. My life is a work-in-progress and so far, I’m pleased with the prototype.

If you’re a geek like me – but somehow still cool – and you’re going to be in the Falls June 8 & 9, check this out.

It's Nerdrific!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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74 Responses to I’m Feeling Much Better Now…

  1. You are a mighty fine Dumbass, Bro. I say that with love. 🙂

  2. Le Clown says:

    The Hook,
    About dark days, Stephen Fry once wrote: “shit days are bound to pass by, they might stay for awhile, but they will pass”, in a more eloquent way, and with a British accent. Wishing you better days as of today, Robert.
    Le Clown

  3. Love is love man. Now that you’re better everybody better watch out!

  4. “I realize its 4 a.m., but do you know where we can find a dwarf?

    That is my favorite. The fact that he thinks the difficulty in getting a dwarf is the fact that it is 4a.m. is just brilliant.

  5. You didn’t sound gay at all when you said you loved me all….

  6. What if the bible called you and said “I need you to remove the atheist from my bedroom”?

  7. Quick Note: I just ordered your book from Amazon.

  8. Carrie Rubin says:

    “I need you to remove the Bible from my room, I’m an atheist.”—What, they could somehow feel its presence through the end-table drawer? Weird.

    Great post!

  9. Mancakes says:

    We all love you, cupcake, and will be happy to virtual hug/spank you back into storytelling perfection… do you know where I can find a riding crop?

  10. The Cutter says:

    I feel that you really should have been able to find a dwarf. Was this related to the story where the girl had the Snow White outfit?

  11. JackieP says:

    hmmm if the atheist needed the bible removed does that mean he thought somehow the bible held powers? My dad and I would have had an interesting conversation with that, he too was an atheist (rip dad!) Me I’m more heathen…hahaha! I loved the dwarf question too. Also the clergyman thingy. Now don’t get me started on clergy! I’m glad you are doing better my friend Hookster (hope the wife didn’t hit too hard because of the hugs) {{{{hugs}}}} there is some more. (sorry Vampirelover!)

  12. robincoyle says:

    Your mom loves you and we love you. And the dwarf loves you.

  13. Pixie Girl says:

    Aww you are so sweet 🙂 lots of hugs and thank yous xx

    Also, #7 just killed me!!

  14. Hahahaha! The only way those requests could be any funnier is if they were all from the same person.

  15. Heroes are good, Hook!
    You do get asked some strange questions though…

  16. After all my years of living, I am still naive. My mouth is still hanging open thinking of those ten strange requests…….

  17. Do you actually write these weird things down when it happens because it’s just too good to be true.
    I took my younger daughter to Fan Expo in Toronto a few years back.. wow… what a zoo! If it wasn’t for nerds like you we wouldn’t have shows like Big Bang Theory!
    Oh and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have trouble finding a dwarf at 4 am in Niagara Falls. After all it’s the Canadian equivalent to Las Vegas, Babee!!
    Glad you’re feeling better. Isn’t it wonderful how the sun and a few warmer degrees help?

  18. Fresh Ginger says:

    Once upon a time, I worked at the front desk for a large casino. Your list seems completely normal. And, they ladies are always suckers for the cute, geeky bellman. That’s how you got the girl. 🙂

  19. Anka says:

    I think #5 was exceptionally endearing–the fact that your daughter adores you! Even if all your comic books aren’t in mint condition, I’m quite certain your little girl views you as a super hero!

  20. Your 10 strange requests tops Letterman’s top 10 any day of the week.
    I’m glad you are feeling better today.

  21. Lucky Wreck says:

    OMG!!! YAY!! I LOVE this post! I have been feeling super super down lately thought of doing a post like this, too. You are an inspiration, HOOK! Glad you are feeling better. I think I’m doing this kind of post next…It may be necessary to maintain sanity! 🙂

  22. jlheuer says:

    No smoking or drinking yet you cope with this craziness and live to tell the tales. You must be a super hero. Do you have spandex on under that bellman garb?

  23. Jennifer says:

    And there’s the Hook we know and love, back to his usual witty self!

  24. Lady Lovely says:

    This was another awesome post my friend. Glad to hear you’re feeling better. Love the dwarf one! Thanks for always making me laugh out loud.

  25. iRuniBreathe says:

    Great post, again. Sometimes it’s good to share the weird and crazy so that, in retrospect, we can all feel grown-up and normal. Glad you are doing better. Spring is coming and you are still loveable.

  26. So sorry you had a crappy Monday, Hook. I just popped over there to read it, and I really felt for you. I work from home, and when I feel like that, I can just pull the covers over my head. This is another great list! $40 is a pretty nice tip for parking a car. 🙂

  27. #10..I’m proud of us both.

  28. “Can you transport my antlers down to my car? I’ve almost finished scraping the fur off them…”
    My mind boggles, my dear Hook….!
    Into ‘what’ or ‘where’ did he scrape the fur…! What cleaners have to put up with..!
    To say nothing of the sight of you taking them downstairs… must have raised a chuckle, my dear Hook… 😉

  29. Lol …. Those are hilarious requests… The dry-cleaning and the riding crop lol. Those are some also cool thing about you!

  30. TBM says:

    Antlers have fur on them. I didn’t know that. You see Hook, I’m learning new things from you each day. Add teacher to your list of accomplishments!

  31. Much easier to get a dwarf at 6 in my experience. Not mine exactly, a friends. Must dash!.

  32. mairedubhtx says:

    You forgot number 11–you have TWO very successful blogs and many blogger friends who are very loyal to you because you are an excellent writer and a wonderful friend to them.
    Your list of ten good accomplishments about you is just a start. I loved your list about the requests, though. That was something else. It never ceases to amaze me what people come up with when they are away from home and they think they will never see other people again, when they think they are anonymous.
    Brilliant, or rather, pathetic.

  33. MissFourEyes says:

    I love you too, partner!
    So did they ever find that dwarf?

  34. elenamusic says:

    The dwarf one as HILARIOUS. I would have said, You know, Hobbiton is right around the corner…

    As for the last one with the girl that was drugged, that’s scary. That sounds like date-rape and I hope for things that like they can be reported? Isn’t there a way to check her ID or see who she is? That’s really concerning.

    But yes, these stories are hilarious and I’m glad you’re feeling better!

  35. Hook, my husband is quite the comic book lover, too. He was in on the San Diego Comic Con before it got huge and Hollywood! There’s a lot of good stories in comic books, I would say. You’ve definitely had your share of characters.

  36. renxkyoko says:

    * scratches head* I think I;m a cool geek too, Mr. Hook !

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