Bow Chicka Wow Wow…

Cue the cheesy music.

On February 5, 2013, a crime was committed in a luxury suite of a Niagara Falls hotel.

A young lady, referred to by her boyfriend/agent/pimp as “Chocolate Boo Boo” murdered her dignity and self-respect over the course of a single evening.

They were twenty-three-years-old.

SHE WAS:

  • Ebony and proud of it.
  • Mid-size in height.
  • Not so mid-size in frame, but cute nonetheless.
  • Proud of her flamboyant fashion sense. Picture Laura San Giacomo in Pretty Woman.

HE WAS:

  • Latin, but his pride was hidden under layers of Bieberesque clothing.
  • Short. No sense in dressing it up, he was a small man.
  • Unfocussed and erratic. 

I arrived at the scene at approximately 10:34 a.m. and it was immediately clear I wasn’t dealing with the standard “Boy defiles trampy Girl in hotel room” scenario. No, this was something else entirely. The evidence told the tale. It always does.

  • Two eight-foot rolls of photography backdrop paper.
  • Four curling irons.
  • One package of see-thru body stocking.
  • Two make-up cases.
  • Three camera cases.
  • Rose petals on the floor.
  • A giant prop lollipop.
  • Two photography lights.
  • One riding crop.
  • Two duffel bags overflowing with outfits of varying sluttiness.

A TRAVEL TIP FROM THE HOOK: Always zip your duffel bags fully when traveling, kids. You never know if your bellman has a curious mind – and a blog.

The boyfriend/agent/pimp in question helped me load the rolls onto the cart, grabbed his meal ticket by the arm “C’mon, Chocolate Boo Boo, we out of here!”, and let loose a declaration “We’re out of here, Boss! You can handle this right?” and made his way for the elevator. After a little planning and some timely intervention from one of my housekeeping colleagues, I made my way into an elevator and downstairs.

Fate was on my side for once; the lobby was virtually empty and so I was able to negotiate my over-sized load with a minimal number of casualties.

Right about now, I know some of you are giggling at my use of the term “over-sized load”, but please try to focus, okay?

I arrived at my desk, but my guests were nowhere to be found. Their equipment was in my possession so I assumed they weren’t “working”.  Faced with no other option or calls, I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Sixty-minutes later, a doorman rushed in – some doormen make squirrels on speed look like they’re moving in slow motion – and declared “Your guest is getting impatient, Hook! They said they want their shit!”

And so I gave them their “shit”.

After fifteen minutes of packing that is.

A TRAVEL TIP FROM THE HOOK: If you’re going to bring various pieces of photography equipment, including two eight-foot rolls of backdrop paper with you to a hotel, don’t travel in a Volkswagen!

At any rate, Pimp Daddy tipped me five bucks for my trouble, fired up his Pimpmobile and headed out.

End of story, right?

As I’m certain you’ve surmised by now, the story did not end there, far from it. The Pimpmobile raced back onto the deck a half-hour later, Pimp Daddy and Chocolate Boo Boo dashed (yes, young people can dash!) back up to the scene of the crime and demanded the housekeeper allow them access to the room once more.

  • They frantically groped under the bed. Which amuses me, considering most people frantically grope on the hotel’s beds…
  • They dumped the contents of the garbage can onto the newly-vacuumed carpet.
  • They tore the room apart in a manner that would have put a CSI team to shame.

In spite of their best efforts, the object of their search, an SD card, remained lost to them.

And so an young woman sacrificed her dignity and self-respect by taking part in… truth be told, I really don’t know what these two brain donors were engaged in, but it was definitely not Disneyesque.

Then again, she did have a Snow White outfit…

And so our tale ends with one last Travel Tip: Ladies, if you’re going to accompany a young man to a hotel and engage in various sexual acts while clothed in a variety of outfits, which you allow him to film, make sure he guards that SD card with his life!

You won’t find that in Frommer’s, kids….

CLICK ON THE IMAGE BELOW FOR MORE BLOGGING GOODNESS FROM THE HOOK!

Another Post by The Hook! On a kick-ass site, to boot!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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78 Responses to Bow Chicka Wow Wow…

  1. Pyx says:

    Ladies make sure YOU guard the SD card with your life…..

  2. The Cutter says:

    Fess up, you took the card, right?

  3. Lady Lovely says:

    Great story for today. I was thinking the same thing….hmmm….The Hook slipped that SD card into his pocket on the low low. I’m sure of it! Next blog post, will be images and video from Boo Boo and her pimp daddy.

  4. El Guapo says:

    Actually, Frommers is trying to expand.
    I’m in negotiations with them for a new book “The Chocolate Snow White Boo Boo guide to Fancy Hotels, featuring some great pics I…came across.
    Just hope the digital prints transfer well…

    hehehe

  5. raisingdaisy says:

    HAHAHA OMG that’s hilarious!! Of all things to forget – the SD card that was their cash cow! LOL! Funnily enough, the one thing that sounded out of place in your prop description was the rose petals. They’re too gentle and beautiful for a set like that. 😉

  6. twindaddy says:

    Chocolate Boo Boo? Lmao, where do they come up with this cheesy crap?

  7. JM Randolph says:

    If you didn’t take it, perhaps you hid it on a high shelf for the short man? Great story!

  8. Katie says:

    Hook, this is hilarious. And once again, the sage advice from your experience has saved me from making an embarrassing gaffe! I’ll be wearing a chain of SD cards from here on out.

  9. Oh my God. Ha ha ha ha ha. People can be incredibly stupid.

    Way back in my younger days (mid 20s) I allowed a lover to take racy pictures of me. Nothing X rated or anything, but not what I would care for strange eyes to see. This dim bulb idiot LOST the pictures and the negatives on a cross town bus. After that I refused to be subject matter in any kind of picture where I was not fully clothed, and declared that taking any pictures of me in any even remotely compromising pose was grounds for immediate expulsion from the relationship. No “can we talk” or “give me a 2nd” chance nonsense. It was strictly “we’re done Bubba, hit the road.”

  10. vrbridge says:

    They are going to find those pictures popping up on the internet one day. Chocolate Boo Boo’s going to have some issues then.

  11. denmother says:

    Perhaps she’s since found the card in her cleavage….

  12. renxkyoko says:

    Damn, Mr. Hook, why do their stuff in a hotel room , anyway? they can do it anywhere, like their own rooms,? They have backdrops, right? lol !

  13. djmatticus says:

    Thanks for the tips… they may one day come in handy. It’s a crazy ol’ world and we just never know where we will end up from one day to the next, do we?

    Okay, I’m pretty sure I’ll never be in a hotel near Niagara Falls with a duffel bag full of costumes such as the one described. Fairly certain. Let’s call it 84.37%. Yeah, that seems about right….

    But, that does leave 17.63% chance that I will, so, like I said, thanks for the tips!

  14. robincoyle says:

    Rick Steves covers this issue extensively in all of his travel books.

  15. I wonder if she got her fee at least – it probably wound up in a dusting bin, then the trash, so a win win for her?

  16. JackieP says:

    all I can say is…..*snicker

  17. Hook, I wouldn’t even know where to get eight-foot rolls of photography backdrop paper from to start off with, but I shall bear your tips in mind, with or without an SD card, just in case. You never know when tips come in handy.

  18. I was laughing at oversized load…

  19. The person who finds that card…. will hopefully treasure that masterpiece for all time.
    Perhaps they’ll send it to the Film Institute… for posterity.

  20. Ghost says:

    As always you know how to make us smile big smiles 😉

  21. I didn’t make it past the squirrels on speed comment. That is quite the visual.

  22. littlesundog says:

    Well, Frommer’s “Irreverent” guides might give information about hotels in certain cities, where tourists can observe the comings and goings of pimp daddies and chocolate boo boo’s. I love those Frommer’s Irreverent guides… they give travelers the low down and the skinny on all sorts of oddities!

  23. Diane C says:

    Hmmmm. Chocolate Boo Boo, you say? Do you think she is related to Honey Boo Boo? They seem to have the same brain power…

  24. List of X says:

    And after an hour-long frantic search for the SD card they probably realized that they were looking for it in the camera’s battery slot…

  25. Pixie Girl says:

    Damn, it would be fun if you found this card at some point 😉

  26. TBM says:

    I bet Chocolate boo boo was an angry boo boo

  27. mairedubhtx says:

    They seem like a rather interesting couple….

  28. Sounds like you need to add another job description: stage manager and prop manager?

  29. Nicole Marie says:

    Chocolate Boo Boo is my hero. Where can I get a giant prop lollipop?

  30. Cameron says:

    Dying. of. the. giggling.
    They would have been able to find it more easily if they’d stayed with good old fashioned film. Just saying. Those canisters just don’t get lost like an SD card…

  31. I’m speechless. But you’re not. You’ve got to write a book.

    • The Hook says:

      I’ve done that, but it hasn’t worked out so well so far. But I have high hopes for my second book, as my work has evolved by leaps and bounds recently.

  32. Kozo says:

    My son made a chocolate boo boo in the bathtub, but I wasn’t stupid enough to take a picture of it.

  33. Theasaurus says:

    Oh, Hookstar, I’ve missed visiting your blog!

    “…his pride was hidden under layers of Bieberesque clothing.”

    Gold. As usual.

  34. Did either seem inebriated? It’s probably in the pocket of a piece of clothing in one of the duffel bags of sluttiness.

  35. Perhaps they forgot to put the SD card in the camera. It doesn’t sound like the type to know they were supposed to.

  36. Lol! Too funny! I anxiously await for news from a new guest in the room to find the missing SD card. 😉

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