Something Different, And The Hook is an Indie Dick?

Anyone chuckling right now will find themselves on my list…

At any rate, that noise you don’t hear is the breathless anticipation that precedes Oscar. Yes, the Academy Awards are almost upon us and for most guys, that means the following rhetorical  question will be posed “Honey. don’t you want to watch the Oscars with me?”

I feel for you, fellas. Here then, on The Indie Chicks’ male haven, Indie Dicks, is a little help from your old buddy, The Hook.

Seriously, click HERE!!! 

As for life in the Niagara Falls hospitality trenches, something different happened. This may not sound like a big deal, but trust me, after fifteen years and thousands of calls, different is great.

Even when its weird different.

On the surface nothing was unusual.

  • They were a typical Middle-Eastern family, but with a Western influence.
  • 2.5 kids. Don’t ask me what .5 of a kid looks like….
  • A disinterested father.
  • An overworked mother.
  • And not a clue among them.
  • Twelve bags among them, as well as plastic bags and coats and boots.

“Do you have change, sir?” she asked in a pleasant voice.

That should have tipped me off.

But instead I matched her tone and said “Well, its been a quiet day, but I’ll do my best. How much change did you need, miss?”

She held out a Canadian fifty-dollar bill and in a perky voice, chirped “Just forty-nine dollars!”

Just let that sink in for a moment. I had to.

“Forty-nine dollars?” was my clever, bellman-in-headlights response.

“Yes, please!”

As this was an unusual situation (thank God!), it called for an unusual response.

As always, I assessed my target and when I concluded that I was in no danger of offending her – she was clueless, but too nice to be offended by my smart-ass humor – I pulled out the verbal big guns.

“Miss, I’ve been doing this for fifteen years and for the most part, I thought I’d seen it all. Until now, that is.” I pulled a single American dollar from my pocket and handed it over to her ridiculously cute little girl. “Here you go, honey. You get this because your mommy made my day by being original.”

Mom knew the jig was up, and so she just smiled an awkward “I really screwed up, but I’m just going to be pleasant and hope this guy goes away” smile and her little angel ran through the room waving the dollar.

And then she ran to the window and began licking it.

I said she was cute. I didn’t say she wasn’t brain damaged…

UPDATE: My big tipper just visited my desk on the way out of the hotel – minus the assistance of a bellman this time – and she decided redemption would be delivered unto her in the form of a large bill in my hands.

She was right, of course.

I love a happy ending.

MEANWHILE, WITHIN THE PAGES OF THE BOOK OF TERRIBLE: I turn the concept of the Top Ten list on itself.

If you’re a geek like me – but somehow still cool – and you’re going to be in the Falls June 8 & 9, check this out…

It's Nerdrific!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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52 Responses to Something Different, And The Hook is an Indie Dick?

  1. wherethedaytakesme says:

    Always keeping your readers laughing, I love it. 🙂

  2. dinkerson says:

    Ballsy Hook. I suspect that your actions may have taught her a little something something.

  3. The Cutter says:

    Cut the kid some slack. Children have an overwhelming desire to lick everything they see.

  4. I’ve never seen an awards show…I know – now you want to give me $49….

    At least she didn’t ask for $49.50 back…

  5. Pixie Girl says:

    How is window-licking evidence of being brain damaged??

    Although that would explain a lot about my life…

  6. >Anyone chuckling right now
    – Nah. That would be too easy. Instead, I’ve learned to brace myself and expect … the unexpected!

    >Here then, on The Indie Chicks’ male haven, Indie Dicks, is a little help from your old buddy, The Hook.
    – *scampering off*

    …..

  7. MissFourEyes says:

    Woohoo, Hook! You’re an Indie Dick!

  8. mairedubhtx says:

    Nice Indie Chicks post, Robert! Oscar night should be a night to remember at your house!

  9. Michael says:

    I wonder what .5 of a kid DOES look like. Hm.

  10. Generous woman. I would’ve asked for $49.75 back… ;p

  11. Jefferson says:

    Lol, good stuff!

  12. Maybe you should have given her an helmet too 😉

  13. Christine says:

    Your posts always make me laugh, and then I find myself shaking my head at the stuff you experience! (But then I laugh again… I hope that doesn’t make me a bad person!) Off to check out your other links!

  14. JackieP says:

    You mean it’s bad form to offer the Hookster a dollar?? Good to know! 😉 Now I’m off to read your Indie Dick thingy. (I’m an Indie Chick!)

  15. susielindau says:

    I love your description of the family! Hilarious and the dialogue – priceless. Good one Hook!

  16. "HE WHO" says:

    I’ve been to Vegas with people like that. (People who don’t get the concept of tipping).and have always felt the need to make it up myself. You think you know people!

  17. Your article on Indie Chicks was great – really funny stuff. My husband is in the 10%. He not only watches awards shows, he tunes in for the red carpet ahead of time. He watches the Oscars from the den, while I watch it from my office (the old dining room of this house). We email our snark back and forth all night long. Occasionally we meet in the kitchen for something to snack on and laugh and discuss what we’ve seen so far – good and bad. We are not normal. … Another great story from the hotel, Hook! $1.00. Sheesh!! Glad it had a happy ending.

  18. Lady Lovely says:

    Great story to start off the week! I died laughing when she asked for $49 back! Literally, I almost spit out my coffee! So random! I love your style. Licking windows….this is why I don’t have kids….I don’t wanna pass on any of my crazy genes 🙂 And for the article on how to survive award season, fantastic!

  19. Jennifer says:

    Award ceremony, what awards…? I’ve better things to do.
    I think I may know what your .5 of a kid looks like, he just turned 9 here… (At least that’s what his brothers say)

  20. I can honestly say that I’ve never licked a window before in my life, Hook! Maybe she wants to be a window cleaner when she grows up… one dollar per window.

  21. Nicole Marie says:

    Bahahaha. When customers give me exact change + a quarter and tell me to “keep the change!” I pretend I didn’t hear them and give it back anyway. Thanks but no thanks.

  22. robincoyle says:

    What is it with kids licking windows?

  23. TBM says:

    Don’t care about the kid licking the dollar. Can you get my dog to stop sniffing every pile of crap he finds on the sidewalk.

  24. So, girl slobbers and drools? (run now – run far – run fast) You do have an effect on people or another day in alternative universe that you accidentally slide into?

  25. This story warms the cockles of my heart (even though I don’t actually know where the cockles are located). You taught that woman a valuable lesson. Restaurant and hotel workers who have to deal with her in the future will hopefully share in the fruits of your ballsy act.

  26. Pingback: Let’s Play Blog Tag! | rohan7things

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