Something Different, And The Hook is an Indie Dick?

Anyone chuckling right now will find themselves on my list…

At any rate, that noise you don’t hear is the breathless anticipation that precedes Oscar. Yes, the Academy Awards are almost upon us and for most guys, that means the following rhetorical  question will be posed “Honey. don’t you want to watch the Oscars with me?”

I feel for you, fellas. Here then, on The Indie Chicks’ male haven, Indie Dicks, is a little help from your old buddy, The Hook.

Seriously, click HERE!!! 

As for life in the Niagara Falls hospitality trenches, something different happened. This may not sound like a big deal, but trust me, after fifteen years and thousands of calls, different is great.

Even when its weird different.

On the surface nothing was unusual.

• They were a typical Middle-Eastern family, but with a Western influence.
• 2.5 kids. Don’t ask me what .5 of a kid looks like….
• A disinterested father.
• An overworked mother.
• And not a clue among them.
• Twelve bags among them, as well as plastic bags and coats and boots.

“Do you have change, sir?” she asked in a pleasant voice.

That should have tipped me off.

But instead I matched her tone and said “Well, its been a quiet day, but I’ll do my best. How much change did you need, miss?”

She held out a Canadian fifty-dollar bill and in a perky voice, chirped “Just forty-nine dollars!”

Just let that sink in for a moment. I had to.

“Forty-nine dollars?” was my clever, bellman-in-headlights response.

“Yes, please!”

As this was an unusual situation (thank God!), it called for an unusual response.

As always, I assessed my target and when I concluded that I was in no danger of offending her – she was clueless, but too nice to be offended by my smart-ass humor – I pulled out the verbal big guns.

“Miss, I’ve been doing this for fifteen years and for the most part, I thought I’d seen it all. Until now, that is.” I pulled a single American dollar from my pocket and handed it over to her ridiculously cute little girl. “Here you go, honey. You get this because your mommy made my day by being original.”

Mom knew the jig was up, and so she just smiled an awkward “I really screwed up, but I’m just going to be pleasant and hope this guy goes away” smile and her little angel ran through the room waving the dollar.

And then she ran to the window and began licking it.

I said she was cute. I didn’t say she wasn’t brain damaged…

UPDATE: My big tipper just visited my desk on the way out of the hotel – minus the assistance of a bellman this time – and she decided redemption would be delivered unto her in the form of a large bill in my hands.

She was right, of course.

I love a happy ending.

MEANWHILE, WITHIN THE PAGES OF THE BOOK OF TERRIBLE: I turn the concept of the Top Ten list on itself.

If you’re a geek like me – but somehow still cool – and you’re going to be in the Falls June 8 & 9, check this out…

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