Before we begin, click here and you’ll be directed to Black Box Warnings, a safe haven where bloggers can share another side of themselves, free of the restrictions of their individual blogs. It’s my turn today.
If you’d like to see what drives me – and ironically, what I have to be ever-vigilant of – then hop over to BBW and you’ll be enlightened. While you’re there, take a look at some of the posts most personal posts you’ve ever read by some of the most talented writers working today.
But enough about me. Let’s move on, shall we?
In the past, I’ve gone to great lengths to humanize the working girls I’ve written about.
This is not one of those posts.
Personally, I think old men who hire hookers to pose as their travel companions are fooling themselves. If they feel the need to hire a sexual partner, then they should keep the entire sorted affair behind closed doors, where it belongs.
That having been said, you have to admire the moxie on a fifty-year-old man that hires a twenty-year-old hooker to be his date – at his granddaughter’s wedding.
She was a raven-haired, busty young lady reminiscent of Bettie Page in every way – its nice to see a gal who enjoys a steak every once in awhile instead of a steady diet of bird seed – including the schoolgirl innocence.
“Baby, I’m cold!” she squealed as he danced an awkward jig on the snow covered valet deck. He sent her in and began handing me their luggage, which consisted of a single duffel bag, some plastic bags and alcohol.
Plenty of alcohol.
I sent him off to check in and when we met up at the room she had perched herself on a chair facing the window with its spectacular view of the Falls. In that instant she was no longer a common whore but rather a queen surveying her kingdom.
I’m willing to bet my use of the word whore gave you pause, as it did me, but there’s no sense in beating around the bush, so to speak. Or should I say the hired bush?
At any rate, the gentleman certainly wasn’t uncomfortable being frank with me and so I responded in kind.
50-YEAR-OLD CHARLIE SHEEN WANNABE: (As we took turns unloading mix, beer and alcohol) Thanks, buddy! I like to bring a lot to drink, don’t I? It helps set the mood, if you know what I mean.
THE HOOK: I understand, sir. Then again, at this point its sort of a given that you’re going to have an enjoyable evening, if you know what I mean. Let’s face it, she’s a sure thing…
Once again, my well-honed instincts served me right and the gentleman responded with boisterous laughter and the surrender of a sizable gratuity rather than anger and a call to a manager.
I wish I could say this was an isolated incident, but the truth of the matter is, I see dozens of similar couples and although this particular incident was one of the most interesting I’ve ever encountered, it was by no means the most creepy.
That award goes to the father-daughter duo – who spent the weekend pawing each other.
- In they ran their hands up each others’ thighs in the elevator.
- They grabbed each others’ backsides in the lobby.
- They dry humped – very slowly – on the valet deck at the height of check-out time.
As it turns out, they were actually regular guests who everyone assumed were connected by blood, not a work-for-hire arrangement.
Their public antics over the course of the weekend in question dispelled that notion immediately.
I still can’t believe they weren’t related. They certainly looked the part – just picture Liv and a cleaner version of Steven Tyler which made the whole situation even… ickier.
Still, one man’s icky is another man’s present to himself.
Happy post-Valentine’s Day, folks.
If you’re a geek like me – but somehow still cool – and you’re going to be in the Falls June 8 & 9, check this out…
will be hanging out and giving “110%” in my hometown this summer. Feel free to scream, “Thank you, Jesus!”, if you’re a hardcore geek like me…