Before we begin, click here and you’ll be directed to Black Box Warnings, a safe haven where bloggers can share another side of themselves, free of the restrictions of their individual blogs. It’s my turn today.
If you’d like to see what drives me – and ironically, what I have to be ever-vigilant of – then hop over to BBW and you’ll be enlightened. While you’re there, take a look at some of the posts most personal posts you’ve ever read by some of the most talented writers working today.
But enough about me. Let’s move on, shall we?
In the past, I’ve gone to great lengths to humanize the working girls I’ve written about.
This is not one of those posts.
Personally, I think old men who hire hookers to pose as their travel companions are fooling themselves. If they feel the need to hire a sexual partner, then they should keep the entire sorted affair behind closed doors, where it belongs.
That having been said, you have to admire the moxie on a fifty-year-old man that hires a twenty-year-old hooker to be his date – at his granddaughter’s wedding.
She was a raven-haired, busty young lady reminiscent of Bettie Page in every way – its nice to see a gal who enjoys a steak every once in awhile instead of a steady diet of bird seed – including the schoolgirl innocence.
“Baby, I’m cold!” she squealed as he danced an awkward jig on the snow covered valet deck. He sent her in and began handing me their luggage, which consisted of a single duffel bag, some plastic bags and alcohol.
Plenty of alcohol.
I sent him off to check in and when we met up at the room she had perched herself on a chair facing the window with its spectacular view of the Falls. In that instant she was no longer a common whore but rather a queen surveying her kingdom.
I’m willing to bet my use of the word whore gave you pause, as it did me, but there’s no sense in beating around the bush, so to speak. Or should I say the hired bush?
At any rate, the gentleman certainly wasn’t uncomfortable being frank with me and so I responded in kind.
50-YEAR-OLD CHARLIE SHEEN WANNABE: (As we took turns unloading mix, beer and alcohol) Thanks, buddy! I like to bring a lot to drink, don’t I? It helps set the mood, if you know what I mean.
THE HOOK: I understand, sir. Then again, at this point its sort of a given that you’re going to have an enjoyable evening, if you know what I mean. Let’s face it, she’s a sure thing…
Once again, my well-honed instincts served me right and the gentleman responded with boisterous laughter and the surrender of a sizable gratuity rather than anger and a call to a manager.
I wish I could say this was an isolated incident, but the truth of the matter is, I see dozens of similar couples and although this particular incident was one of the most interesting I’ve ever encountered, it was by no means the most creepy.
That award goes to the father-daughter duo – who spent the weekend pawing each other.
- In they ran their hands up each others’ thighs in the elevator.
- They grabbed each others’ backsides in the lobby.
- They dry humped – very slowly – on the valet deck at the height of check-out time.
As it turns out, they were actually regular guests who everyone assumed were connected by blood, not a work-for-hire arrangement.
Their public antics over the course of the weekend in question dispelled that notion immediately.
I still can’t believe they weren’t related. They certainly looked the part – just picture Liv and a cleaner version of Steven Tyler which made the whole situation even… ickier.
Still, one man’s icky is another man’s present to himself.
Happy post-Valentine’s Day, folks.
If you’re a geek like me – but somehow still cool – and you’re going to be in the Falls June 8 & 9, check this out…
Turns out, one of the greatest personalities of our time, the Hulk himself, Lou Ferrigno,
will be hanging out and giving “110%” in my hometown this summer. Feel free to scream, “Thank you, Jesus!”, if you’re a hardcore geek like me…
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Oh the life lol.
Indeed.
I’m still trying to get my head around the math of a 50-year-old marrying off, not his daughter, but his granddaughter! “Let’s see, if he was 18 when he had a kid, and his kid had a kid at 18, that would make the granddaughter… nope, still doesn’t work.” Having just finished reading “Lionel Asbo: State of England,” though, this isn’t entirely implausible. Plus, it kind of explains a lot.
Life is funny, right?
And absurd.
And implausible, at times.
Hook, keep the stories coming. Reading about idiots such as these makes me feel that much better about myself.
That’s what I’m here for, buddy. Sorry I haven’t been around, but I’ll visit soon.
It’s all good. I’ve been so busy writing this story for Alice that I haven’t gotten to read too much either. Don’t feel bad.
No wonder twindaddy sometimes reads my stuff too! Hook, I think our blogs have some sort of therapeutic value for many people. LMAO
That’s why we’re here, buddy, right?
It is funny stuph, to be sure, but sometimes it also makes me lose faith in humanity.
Just the thing for that sugar induced haze from Valentines: outlandish hotel antics.
(Comic Con! A reason to survive the winter!)
Yes, Comic Con rocks!
Hey Hookster! It does not surprise me with the older men and their young um escorts. But, what about the women? Do you see older women who hire young men? Just wondering. Anyway, I think you have to be a special kind of person to work for the public. I’ve done it, so I know. You are a special kind of person. 😉
Now that you mention it, I rarely see women indulging their sexual appetites with escorts. I guess ladies are more adept at scoring for free…
even the older ones I guess. interesting
Maybe she wasn’t a hooker. Maybe it was true love fueled my alcohol and his huge, um, wallet.
No, she was a hooker.
Did you ask for her credentials? Her membership card? Her ID badge?
I consulted my years of experience.
Okay. Then I believe you.
Ahh yes, there’s nothing like a picture of a big green man in a cage to make you feel all nostalgic-like! Seriously, I used to love watching the hulk back then. It had that kind of sad music that haunted me a bit.
That music haunted everyone!
Haha I love your comment to him…blunt but TRUE. and all I can think is that poor girl’s father..
I agree, Caroline, but I decided to avoid getting preachy on this one and just laugh at the absurd.
Thanks for stopping over.
I presume you get to see all sorts in the trade, Hook.
You have no idea…
How many books do I have to buy for you to have enough money to get a spy cam? Remember WordPress Daily says to add pictures for better blogging. 🙂
As much as I want to please WordPress Daily I can’t risk my job!
Sad but true.
“In that instant she was no longer a common whore but rather a queen surveying her kingdom” best line there. I see so much happening with that… and I’m not being dirty even. I can picture it perfectly.
Thanks, Jennifer. You always come through.
You can count on me…
>In the past, I’ve gone to great lengths to humanize the working girls I’ve written about.
>This is not one of those posts.
– Uh oh. Gotta brace myself to not get emo again.
>I’m willing to bet my use of the word whore gave you pause, as it did me,
– Pause? Try cringe. If I could cover my eyes and read simultaneously, I’d probably do it.
>Or should I say the hired bush?
– But I can NEVER prep myself for your crackers! I literally LOLed, Hook! Brill!
>Before we begin, click here
– Oh. Just thought I’d warn you, Hook. I did more than *gulp* click. I, um, clacked. Like, a lot. Oopsie? Right. You don’t buy that. Well, I tried. 😉
Kate
Thanks again Kate. You never let me down.
I am outraged and am going to write a letter to someone about this!
Go for it!
All I can say is, “Oh, yuck!”
Well said!
Hired Bush AND The Hulk in the same post? Hot damn, friend!
That’s how I roll…
Oh Hook’s life is still never boring! 🙂
You know it!
It takes all types. LOL I
I’m sorry your comment cannot be completed as typed.
Please stop typing and try your comment again.
This is a recording…..
I don’t know why that posted before I finished typing. I said I am sure you’ve seen them all.
Almost….
But even half a comment from you is better than nothing!
Schöner Artikel.Lieber Gruß und eine gute glückliche Woche.Gislinde
Das gleiche mit dir, mein lieber Freund.
I’m wondering if there’s a novel in there; you know, inside you. You sure have lots of material; many and varied guests; perhaps a plot of murder and intrigue; and a bellman extraordinaire… 😉
Maybe…
But my mind isn’t focused enough to pump out a novel right now.
Keep the stories coming Hook haha 🙂 Agree with the commenter above, when the time is right you could certainly write a great novel with your insights!
Rohan.