Words To Live By: Don’t Lick The Minivan!

Yes, the family is still down for the count, but I’ve had to return to the salt mines, rather than face the inevitable prospect of bankruptcy. So before we return to form, here are a few words about a blogger with a book.

If you buy one book this year – although that’s a really sad thought – buy The Bellman Chronicles.

But if you buy two books… buy In Her Shadow by August McLaughlin.

But if you actually have money left in your literary budget, buy Don’t Lick the Minivan: And Other Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Kids by Leanne Shirtliffe.

Leanne Shirtliffe, unlike yours truly, has everything going for her:

  • An talent agency that didn’t shoot her down. (Unlike yours truly.)
  • The power, reach, and support of an actual publisher.
  • Established contacts in the media.
  • Breasts. (Those are awesome!)
  • An endorsement from New York Times best-selling author, Elizabeth Boyle.
  • Actual talent. (Although you don’t actually need talent to be a successful author these days, it doesn’t hurt.)

Don’t Lick The Minivan won’t be released until may 1, 2013, and its a safe bet that it will sell more copies than my book, and while that crushes my soul, I wish Leanne all the success in the world. Sure, I could be consumed with envy and outright anger, but then I’d just be a sad, failed writer.

I’d rather be a happy, failed writer any day of the week. While I’m feeling generous, here are a some other things I wholeheartedly endorse:

  • Bacon. I was chowing down on this long before it became fashionable.
  • Foreplay. Let’s face it fellas, sometimes the actual act ends a little too soon, so its nice to take your time and enjoy the ride, as they say…
  • Naps. Here’s why.
  • Gun eradication. Never mind gun control, let’s go back to settling disputes with swords, bows and rocks. I think you’ll see a sharp decline in crime, to say the least.
  • Jo Bryant. The fact that she’s one of my biggest fans has no bearing on this endorsement whatsoever – unlike many authors, no one pays The Hook for his stamp of approval. No, I believe in Jo because she loves Supernatural, nature, pets and she’s a kick-ass fantasy writer who is going to storm the gates of the literary world someday soon. Check out her blog and make up your own mind.

And that wraps things up for now, folks. Time to get back to work and locate some blog fodder.

Be well.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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52 Responses to Words To Live By: Don’t Lick The Minivan!

  1. mairedubhtx says:

    I love Leanne! Her blog rocks!

  2. raisingdaisy says:

    I think it’s so great of you to promote other writers’ books. Hope the family is recovering!

  3. Karmelkarmel says:

    Despite my problems with the translation, I reconocrer, your blog is nominated magnífco culture.


    A hug friend.

  4. susielindau says:

    What a nice shout out for my friend! Leanne is one of my oldest friends on WP! Take care and I hope your family is soon out of the funk… 😛

  5. Hmmm…I already bought your book, are you advocating I buy it twice???

  6. Ink Pastries says:

    Hello mudder, hello fodder! Love to check in with you – you lift my spirits. Love your idea of going back to rocks and swords and fists. But I guess Jesus would say: it’s a slippery slope. Ha ha!!!

  7. El Guapo says:

    Not sure how I feel about living in a world where “Don’t lick the minivan” actually needs to be said…
    I’ll check it out though.

  8. Hope the Family gets better. Also, thanks for the heads up about books, and other blogs. Very nice of you to point them out.

    • The Hook says:

      The Family thanks you for your concern and good wishes, dear lady! I’m trying to radiate positivity in 2013. We’ll see how it works out…

  9. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    Aaaaw! I wanted to buy Don’t Lick now! Granted, I probably wouldn’t get to it until late 2013, but I still want to buy it right. now.

  10. Brother Jon says:

    Wonderful endorsements! My dad is worried that the government is going to come arrest him because he DOESN’T own a gun….and is therefore breaking his 2nd amendment rights.

  11. MissFourEyes says:

    Yes to bacon. Yes to foreplay. Yes to naps (!) and gun eradication. I need to check this Jo Bryant out clearly

    • The Hook says:

      You can file a petition to have guns eradicated, fry up some bacon, have some foreplay and then take a nap!
      And when you wake up, you can check out Jo Bryant!

  12. Wow, wow, wow! I’m honoured. (I kept the “U” in just for yoU!). So sweet. May your day (and year) be filled with big tips, book deals, and foreplay…

    Thank you a thousand times!

  13. Jo Bryant says:

    Awwwwwwww Hook…thanks for that lovely endorsement. Though you could have put me before gun eradication. Hehehehehehehe…now in case you don’t check out your replies go back to my post: http://jobryantnz.wordpress.com/2013/01/18/small-stone-18-january-2013/
    and read my reply to your comment. The little birdies have been talking to me. So glad to hear the family is on the mend. Can’t have VL flat for too long. Did you see this week’s episode. The Boys are back. And I saw photos from episode 11. Dean is dressed like Robin Hood and Charlie [one of my favourite characters] is baaaaaaaccccckkkkkk. Yippee !!!!! it is going to be a long few days til I get to see that. Almost as good as Dean in cowboy gear.

  14. Sorry the family is still down. Hope they are back on their feet soon. Bacon rules, and I will be frying some up for hubby tonight. … You are a kind man to share some great books, and I am off to check them out. I’m on a mission to read WP-authored books this year!

  15. Pingback: Funny Stuff in Other Places | Leanne Shirtliffe ~ Ironic Mom

  16. JackieP says:

    Hope your family gets well really quick. I like the way you think! I’ll go check out some things now. Have a great weekend! And remember. Sending out good thoughts brings good things to you. So your turn is coming!

  17. Jennifer says:

    I’ve got two out of three books mentioned, and definitely agree on 4 out of your 5 endorsements. I have yet to check Jo out… and wishing your family a speedy recovery 🙂

  18. Spot on! Nice place you have here, Hook. I’m thinking I’m gonna have to follow you around for a while, check out the book. Cheers!

  19. Kim says:

    I LOVE Leanne!!! She is hilarious!!!

  20. Adam S says:

    Hook, your book is on my list. I currently have twenty five dollars in my checking account. When that changes soon, you’ll have an extra fifteen in yours.

  21. Thanks for the shout out! The BELLMAN CHRONICLES has a special spot on my Kindle. 🙂

  22. You’re so generous and sweet to promote other’s books my friend 🙂 More blessings for you and to your family as well 🙂

  23. A familiar stranger says:

    Is The Bellman Chronicles available in Chapters or Coles? 🙂

    • The Hook says:

      I wish! Getting a bookstore to pick up your self-published work is tough! That has been the biggest hurdle I’ve faced so far, Meena.

  24. TBM says:

    I’m a huge fan of Jo as well. By the way, I started reading your book! Don’t give up hope Hook. Don’t!

    • The Hook says:

      I’m trying! I know there’s always hope. In fact, I’m waiting to hear from a morning show producer, so keep your traveling fingers crossed…

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