Apparently Pillow Talk is Overrated These Days…

They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned; we’ve all heard that warning, right? They’ve been saying it for centuries.

So why is it, in the year 2012, so many young horny idiots are still choosing to ignore the sage words of their forebears?

Oh, right. Because they’re young, horny idiots.

At any rate, here’s the skinny on recent events in my little slice of hospitality heaven, bearing in mind that I was only present for the aftermath of this particular drama, and not  a key player, as is usually the case. However, that shouldn’t diminish your enjoyment.

THE SITUATION: Two young gentlemen arrive in my fair city to partake of its natural beauty and wonder and during their stay they encounter two young ladies of distinction and upper-class upbringing who are seeking gentleman callers callers while they embark upon their own adventure in Niagara.

Who am I kidding? Two horny gangster wannabes met two equally horny Heidi Montag wannabes (minus the Frankenstein-esque plastic surgery) and after what I can only assume was a ridiculously brief “courting” period, the four brain donors went back to the guys’ room for a bout of slap ‘n tickle. Sounds like a magical weekend in one of Canada’s most beautiful cities, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately, the magic faded rather quickly, to say the least. No sooner had the “bubble burst”, so to speak, than the bubble really burst. The two young ladies were shown the door – and then shoved through it.

Needless to say, that was when the “hell hath no fury” portion of our story began.

One of the girls – drawing upon her finishing school etiquette, no doubt – grabbed one of the fire extinguishers from the hallway and decided to let ‘er rip. I’m not sure just what she was hoping to accomplish; the door was shut and the girls’ temporary suitors (very temporary, in fact!) were protected on the other side, but the hallway wasn’t so lucky…

I wish I could share the pictures with you, but take my word for it, the hall had seen better days. it looked like The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man had control issues…

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


I can’t imagine the young women were expecting wine and roses when they decided to lay down (or stand up or bend over) with these schmucks, but I bet they were expecting the afterglow to last longer than a few minutes!

From what I’ve been able to gather, the two guys hustled the girls back into their clothes and threw them out the door as soon as they had served their purpose.

So much for post-coital chit chat.



Benjamin Wallace is a new friend but a true one. Like Vina Kent, – and Jo Bryant before her – he’s come through with helpful tips and contacts where others have  brushed me off, in a friendly way, of course. Check his site out. He’s blazing a new trail for dumb, white husbands everywhere…


A shout-out to my blog buddy, Kristen Lamb and her best-selling tome, We Are Not Alone: The Writer’s Guide to Social Media. Give it a try, folks. You won’t be disappointed…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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53 Responses to Apparently Pillow Talk is Overrated These Days…

  1. misswhiplash says:

    that’s funny! they got what they deserved

  2. twindaddy says:

    Sounds like a pleasant evening.

  3. becca3416 says:

    Poor girls. Even poorer walls.

  4. Jennifer says:

    The quickie just got a whole lot quicker…

  5. Sandee says:

    And you get this fabulous material for your blog!

  6. Stay Puff in distress – only you could come up with that.

  7. As every guest on Ricki Lake in the 90’s used to state at some point or another, “lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas’…

  8. robincoyle says:

    Your job is so much more interesting than my job ever was. All the excitement I had was when the copy machine jammed.

  9. renxkyoko says:

    Mr. Hook, who paid for the damage?

  10. Time to keep your head down by the sound of it.

  11. Ewww. All I’m thinking about is the people who have to clean that up. They chose to go out with those “choice” dudes. The building was innocent!

  12. Ink Pastries says:

    funny – goes to show you that sleeping with a guy quickly gets you nothing but sickly.

  13. Ray's Mom says:

    Oh my, do all the sickies go to the Canadian side of the Falls? Things have certainly changed – a whole lot – since I was there….many years ago.

  14. This is a sad story, really. I do love that you incorporated the marshmallow man.

  15. Blown says:

    Well, some people may need new brains 🙂
    I hope at least all these people that are not able to enjoy nice and smart sex properly will pay for the damage they did…

  16. leah says:

    LOL. Wham! Bam! Thank you! SLAM!

  17. TBM says:

    Did they try to write a message to the boys? That would have been slightly clever

  18. Hmm… the message would’ve been pretty good. I feel like there’s better revenge techniques they could have employed, like taking said fire extinguisher to the boys’ car – but I guess if they’d thought through the night more, they wouldn’t have ended up in the hallway…

  19. mairedubhtx says:

    That must have been quite the mess to clean up!

  20. >in mind that I was only present for the aftermath of this particular drama, and not a key player, as is usually the case. However, that shouldn’t diminish your enjoyment.
    – Quite the contrary. It’s EXACTLY why I enjoy reading your posts.

    >The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man had control issues…
    – Oh no!


  21. Oh, my god.. that is hilarious.. sorry for the mess, etc, but hell hath no fury for sure! I feel badly for girls who get treated badly like this..

  22. MissFourEyes says:

    I feel bad for the guy that had to clean up the mess

  23. caccicoo says:

    OMG, I read your blog to my 20 year old daughter and it gave us fits of giggles! Thanks for brightening our morning!

  24. eyeLaugh says:

    Boys will be boys!

  25. Phil Gayle_For Singles and Couples says:

    I know hormones are hormones and sex drives are sex drives (with a drive like mine, it would be be hypocritical of me to comment as though I don’t understand).
    However, hopefully, the situation will cause those guys to think twice before using girls and those girls to think twice before giving themselves up so easily.
    Seeing the girls reaction would have funny to watch…the reasons behind their actions, obviously, not so funny.

  26. Hahahah I LOVE all the names you call these people.. “moral degenerates, brain donors,…” I’ve started using them in regular conversation, especially at work.

  27. jlheuer says:

    Sorry sir, this is just a sad story.

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