“The Hook is one funny white boy!”

In the hospitality industry, the key to success is simple; make the guest feel at home.

And that’s just what I did this morning while sharing an elevator with a charming African-American couple.

AA MALE: ( Addressing The Hook) Mornin’ whitey!

Did I mention they were the type of people who not only refuse to shy away from racial issues, they embrace them?

THE HOOK: (Looking around and realizing I was alone and so I must have been “whitey”!) Uh, I’m good. It’s a great day to be a member of the dominant race… I guess.

AA FEMALE: (Chuckling) He’s just messin’ with you! We like to have fun!

THE HOOK: I figured that.

AA FEMALE: What’s your name, Whitey?

THE HOOK: Robert, but believe it or not, they call me The Hook.

AA FEMALE: The Hook? I love it!

THE HOOK: I had a feeling you would.

AA MALE: We love it here in Canada. You have so many races living together nobody cares about us!

AA FEMALE: Yeah, back home in Detroit, people still give blacks a hard time! Here in Niagara Falls you go out of your way to make us feel right at home.

THE HOOK: We try. Did you folks park your car with us?

AA MALE: Why yes we did. Why do you ask, brother?

THE HOOK: I want to make sure I have a white cop ready to pull you over as soon as you pull out of the driveway…

The silence that followed was mercifully short; my new friends pondered the depth of my humor and as the elevator doors opened to the lobby, they made a solemn declaration to the crowd:

IN UNISON: Hey folks, The Hook is one funny white boy!

Unfortunately, the crowd was made up of four white seniors, five Asians  and three Muslims, all of them over the age of thirty. Talk about a waste of “A-List” material…

ONCE UPON A TIME… A NEW FAN PAGE WAS BORN!

It must run in the family. The Hook’s daughter has developed a taste for sci-fi/fantasy and so she has launched her own Facebook fan page for the ABC drama Once Upon A Time.

Fans of Once Upon A Time is a labor of love – and it shows. Check it out: fans of Tom Welling – and I know there are quite a few of you out there – will be pleased to see he’ll be making an appearance this season.

The bottom line is this: my daughter wants to rack up as many “likes” as she can, so help her out, okay?

MOVING ON…

I have the best readers in the world.

• When I asked you to read my blog, you answered: I have over 1,000 readers between both blogs!
• When I asked you to download my book, you did so: 6,059 downloads in total!
• You even sent your good wishes my way when I was stricken down with the flu.

Now I need your help again. I know, I know, I’m needy…

Steven and Chris is a Canadian talk show that covers all the bases, from cooking, home decor (both hosts are design gurus), fashion, health to the usual celebrity appearances. Steven Sabados and Chris Hyndman never acknowledge it on-screen, but they’re a couple – and it shows! Their chemistry sets the show apart from the pack (it seems like there is a million talk shows out there these days, right?) and millions of Canadians – of both genders – love them.

Naturally, an appearance on their show would breathe life into my barely-breathing writing career. And so I turn to you.

I need your help to convince the powers-that-be at Steven and Chris that The Hook would make a worthwhile guest. I may not seem like an ideal fit for their genre, but I guarantee every single member of their audience has stayed in a hotel at least once in the past. My work appeals to EVERYONE. I just need to convince Steven and Chris of that!

stevenandchris@cbc.ca is their e-mail address and I’ve taken the liberty of preparing a short statement that you can “cut and paste”. I can be very thoughtful sometimes, right?

I am a fan of the Canadian bellman/author Robert Hookey, also known as “The Hook”. I think his particular brand of humor would appeal to your audience. His first book, The Bellman Chronicles, contains subject matter that everyone can relate to. Not only that, he’s housebroken, which is always a plus…

Appearing on this show would launch me to a whole other level – and hopefully allow me to sell more than 100 books! Perhaps I could even eat at a restaurant that doesn’t have a drive-thru window… Maybe.

I’d also like to extend an offer to anyone who decides to give me a few minutes of their time; if you can spare some time to help me out, I’d be open to hosting a guest post. If anyone has a tale of a vacation gone awry, or anything funny, let me know!

Thank you in advance, folks. You rock.

TIME FOR OTHER BUSINESS..

A shout-out to my newest blog buddy, Kristen Lamb and her best-selling tome, We Are Not Alone: The Writer’s Guide to Social Media. Give it a try, folks. You won’t be disappointed…