Another typical Friday recently came and went…
- Big families – with big loads of luggage.
- Wacky wives and cranky husbands.
- Overstimulated rugrats.
- Hordes of travelers tripping all over each other, eager to reach – and terrorize – their next destination.
Am I forgetting anything?
Oh yeah, there was the Asian gentleman who spent two days exploring the hotel – minus pants or underwear….
One of my colleagues was returning with the day’s lunch order when he spied an interesting situation in mid-development at the Front Desk.
RYE GUY: Hey guys, there’s a guy in line out front without any pants – with his “jimmy” hanging out!
Oddly enough, no one rushed out to drink in the stimulating visual of a middle-aged Asian gentleman with his private parts exposed for all the world to try to see. Fortunately for us, Security arrived swiftly and saw fit to wrap him in a blanket; unfortunately for us, they saw fit to detain him in our storage room until the Niagara Regional Police arrived.
While the thirty minutes that followed were incredibly uncomfortable, they did afford us the opportunity to piece together his story:
- The night before he managed to approach the hostess station at one of our restaurants, be seated and make his way to the buffet before anyone noticed his state of undress!
- He ordered room service that morning and while the porter noticed his “pantlessness” (it’s a word; I just used it!), he received his food nonetheless. “No Shirts. No Shoes. No Service” doesn’t cover pants, I guess…
- An unlucky houseman also encountered our friend. This guy made the rounds…
- NO ONE – staff members or guests – noticed PA until he reached the Front Desk counter and raised his arms to lean while waiting for service. Once his “egg roll” was revealed, a manger rushed over with a blanket while Security responded to what must have been one heck of a radio call!
- He was then quickly escorted to my “home away from home” and into my memories and blog/column.
It still kills me to think this guy was in line on two occasions with his “man parts” dangling free – and no one noticed! Talk about being gypped by God… At any rate, back to our tale. PA was wrapped in a blanket and sitting in a chair (which we have since disposed of, by the way!) while we all nervously waited for the police to arrive…
As one of my colleagues stored a duffel bag on a nearby shelf – life in the luggage room has to go on despite any half-naked guests in our vicinity – our “friend” remarked, “You know, I could put a bomb in that bag.” Chilling, right?
Ironically enough, the police officers who responded to our call were already searching for a half-naked Asian male whose sister in Toronto reported him missing three days earlier. He had been spotted wandering through one of our local casinos. Talk about being unable to bluff…
The actual interrogation was filled with great moments as well.
NIAGARA’S FINEST: Your sister said you stopped taking your meds three days ago.
PANTLESS ASIAN: You look like a smart guy, do I look like someone who needs medication?
For the record, he did!
NF: Well, you weren’t wearing pants. Modern society expects you to wear pants in public…
PA: Maybe I didn’t feel like wearing pants.
PA then changed his story and suggested what he considered a plausible scenario: he thought he was in the bathroom! Sure buddy, if your bathroom is huge – and public…
Eventually PA received a police escort to his room where he gathered up his belongings – minus his pants and underwear, which weren’t fit to be worn anyway – and he walked out of our lives, seemingly forever. If you think me cruel, bear in mind that we need to find humor in every facet of our lives if we’re to survive this world. Yes, PA is mentally ill but he has a family to support him and he is now receiving care.
And I wound up with great blog fodder… So everybody wins, right?
One last thing, as my day progressed and I encountered the usual colleagues on my rounds, I heard the same remark, even from managers: “Hey Hook! I heard what happened! Put THAT in your blog!”
AND NOW… SOME FREE SWAG!!!
Mark your cyber-calendars, folks…. My first free giveaway of The Bellman Chronicles runs September 10 – 11! As part of Amazon’s KDP Select program, I get a five-day window to share my work with the world for the low, low price of absolutely nothin’!
A shout-out to my newest blog buddy, Kristen Lamb and her best-selling tome, We Are Not Alone: The Writer’s Guide to Social Media. Give it a try, folks. You won’t be disappointed…
- Absent-minded Moms and Other Business… (youvebeenhooked.wordpress.com)
- #105: When Politicians Shut Off Their Common Sense… (thebookofterrible.wordpress.com)