Another typical Friday recently came and went…
- Big families – with big loads of luggage.
- Wacky wives and cranky husbands.
- Overstimulated rugrats.
- Hordes of travelers tripping all over each other, eager to reach – and terrorize – their next destination.
Am I forgetting anything?
Oh yeah, there was the Asian gentleman who spent two days exploring the hotel – minus pants or underwear….
One of my colleagues was returning with the day’s lunch order when he spied an interesting situation in mid-development at the Front Desk.
RYE GUY: Hey guys, there’s a guy in line out front without any pants – with his “jimmy” hanging out!
Oddly enough, no one rushed out to drink in the stimulating visual of a middle-aged Asian gentleman with his private parts exposed for all the world to try to see. Fortunately for us, Security arrived swiftly and saw fit to wrap him in a blanket; unfortunately for us, they saw fit to detain him in our storage room until the Niagara Regional Police arrived.
While the thirty minutes that followed were incredibly uncomfortable, they did afford us the opportunity to piece together his story:
- The night before he managed to approach the hostess station at one of our restaurants, be seated and make his way to the buffet before anyone noticed his state of undress!
- He ordered room service that morning and while the porter noticed his “pantlessness” (it’s a word; I just used it!), he received his food nonetheless. “No Shirts. No Shoes. No Service” doesn’t cover pants, I guess…
- An unlucky houseman also encountered our friend. This guy made the rounds…
- NO ONE – staff members or guests – noticed PA until he reached the Front Desk counter and raised his arms to lean while waiting for service. Once his “egg roll” was revealed, a manger rushed over with a blanket while Security responded to what must have been one heck of a radio call!
- He was then quickly escorted to my “home away from home” and into my memories and blog/column.
It still kills me to think this guy was in line on two occasions with his “man parts” dangling free – and no one noticed! Talk about being gypped by God… At any rate, back to our tale. PA was wrapped in a blanket and sitting in a chair (which we have since disposed of, by the way!) while we all nervously waited for the police to arrive…
As one of my colleagues stored a duffel bag on a nearby shelf – life in the luggage room has to go on despite any half-naked guests in our vicinity – our “friend” remarked, “You know, I could put a bomb in that bag.” Chilling, right?
Ironically enough, the police officers who responded to our call were already searching for a half-naked Asian male whose sister in Toronto reported him missing three days earlier. He had been spotted wandering through one of our local casinos. Talk about being unable to bluff…
The actual interrogation was filled with great moments as well.
NIAGARA’S FINEST: Your sister said you stopped taking your meds three days ago.
PANTLESS ASIAN: You look like a smart guy, do I look like someone who needs medication?
For the record, he did!
NF: Well, you weren’t wearing pants. Modern society expects you to wear pants in public…
PA: Maybe I didn’t feel like wearing pants.
PA then changed his story and suggested what he considered a plausible scenario: he thought he was in the bathroom! Sure buddy, if your bathroom is huge – and public…
Eventually PA received a police escort to his room where he gathered up his belongings – minus his pants and underwear, which weren’t fit to be worn anyway – and he walked out of our lives, seemingly forever. If you think me cruel, bear in mind that we need to find humor in every facet of our lives if we’re to survive this world. Yes, PA is mentally ill but he has a family to support him and he is now receiving care.
And I wound up with great blog fodder… So everybody wins, right?
One last thing, as my day progressed and I encountered the usual colleagues on my rounds, I heard the same remark, even from managers: “Hey Hook! I heard what happened! Put THAT in your blog!”
AND NOW… SOME FREE SWAG!!!
Mark your cyber-calendars, folks…. My first free giveaway of The Bellman Chronicles runs September 10 – 11! As part of Amazon’s KDP Select program, I get a five-day window to share my work with the world for the low, low price of absolutely nothin’!
More on this in the future, but get ready to enjoy my masterpiece for free – and be sure to tell your friends! I need reviews, people!
A shout-out to my newest blog buddy, Kristen Lamb and her best-selling tome, We Are Not Alone: The Writer’s Guide to Social Media. Give it a try, folks. You won’t be disappointed…
- Absent-minded Moms and Other Business… (youvebeenhooked.wordpress.com)
- #105: When Politicians Shut Off Their Common Sense… (thebookofterrible.wordpress.com)
Haaaaaaaaaahahahahaha!!!!! that’s so wrong! 🙂
I know, right?
Ha ha ha ha! Right! I’m officially wondering if I should consider being a bellman, person… whatever. 🙂 Although, you have a much better temperament I think than I would. Much more patient… whereas I may not be…
I have my moments where I lose it – believe me! I just make sure I snap out behind the scenes…
That would work… sometimes. LOL ! 🙂
We’ve all gotten waaaay too polite….
I hate when people think they can just roam around my place of employment sans pants… Put your worm away, damnit!!!
People are great, aren’t they?
Put your worm away, tourist!!!!!
Well said, Kim!
Do I look like I need medication? hahahahaha. That. Is. Awesome.
Reblogged this on LEGENDS OF GREEN ISLE and commented:
I don’t know why, but his blog today really made me laugh. Had to share it with you guys. By the way, Hook is an exceptional writer, and being able to follow his daily life adds some spice to mine. Stop by his blog site and say hello.
You rock, my friend!
How come stuff like that never happens to ME at work….I need a new job…
Trust me, you’re fine where you are…
Hahahahha…well mostly 🙂
I agree, Princess!
I don’t even know what to say to that…. On the one hand I feel kinda sorry for the guy since his family wasn’t watching over him too well; on the other hand, I love that he gave you such a great blog post! LOL 😉
This is a post that inspires conflict, isn’t it?
Yesterday I had The Son on the phone and lamented that I had no real news…I was living the boring life. Maybe true but boring sounds good.
Boring can be great!
Great stuff !! As always, extremely entertaining. I think it might be something Asian’s love to do… going nude in public. I dated a Japanese guy once that loved going to nudest resorts. He didn’t have much to show off either. It was totally bizarre to see naked people playing Tennis. For the record, the one time I went along, pouting and crying I might add, I hid out in the room away from the nakedness. I did see the Tennis game as we were driving out the next day. My first concern was the likelihood that a man might hit the wrong ball. OUCH !
It’s been so long since I’ve read your blog and I have missed it terribly! I am so excited to see you have a book and I AM definitely marking those dates down so I can get your book!
Thank you so much – and tell a friend!
Oh, I will, I already shared this post on Facebook with how excited I am to get your book! YAY!
Your enthusiasm is infectious, young lady!
If that’s the only thing about me that is infectious, then I’m overjoyed! 🙂
So somehow he was cognizant enough to check into a hotel but then lost some integral part of his functioning brain to just be pantsless the rest of the time? Fascinating.
The human mind is something else, right?
“PANTLESS ASIAN: You look like a smart guy, do I look like someone who needs medication?”
Now THAT is a priceless line!!!
It sure is, Woman!
Funny fellow wearing naked truth…!
You know, my dear Hook; you can only laugh at others if you can firstly laugh at yourself… hahahahaha …. That was funny…. 🙂
That’s a truism; honest… I read it ‘somewhere’…. 😉
As for ‘reviews’…. After receiving your book I tried, in vain, to publish one. They wouldn’t let me. Said I needed to have bought it in the ‘e-book’ version…. And I have one hell of a review to add…!
I’ll get an ‘e-book’ copy just so I can publish it…! (The ‘review’, that is…) 🙂
Thanks for the effort, young lady!
I feel bad for him, seriously and hope I never lose my faculties to that.point. That all said,
EEEWWWWW. He was able to be seated in the restaurant AND make his way to the buffet? I hope they bleached the place down, especially the seat. Never a dull moment in your neck of the woods.
Now that’s ventilation! EWwwwwwww!
You said it!
We’ve all dreamed this dream. This guy actually lived it!
I’ve never dreamed it, but I hear you…
Sickeningly, grimly attractive story. Thanks!
You’re most certainly welcome!
Funny thing is, the patients on the psych ward I had to stay on, seemed to lose their pants a lot too. I do think there must be a connection between losing the mind and losing the pants!
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You rock. MysteryCoach!
Now THAT was an interesting story. I’m glad you found him.
“world to TRY to see”. Well, I did see… I see what you did there. Also, I laughed a little too much at “egg roll”. I kind of relate with the guy though. Pants suck unless they are the pajama kind, and you know what? Sometimes I don’t feel like wearing a bra, but I have a feeling police would not necessarily be involved if I walked around without one.
They would if you went shirtless as well…
Wasn’t there a protest of topless women in New York? Not that I am disappointed I didn’t attend.
I was going to say something like, “I’m sure some people were disappointed you didn’t attend.”, but that could get me into a little hot water with the wife…
I don’t think the boyfriend would like me running around the streets of NY topless either ;).
I’m not sure I could beat that . . . though I work at a bank and LOVE it when people think it’s OK to talk about how the only use for the new guns they bought would be if we pissed them off . . .
“Uh . . . I’m going to close your accounts now, thanks!”
The world is a strange place, indeed. Always a riot. In fact, I enjoy your blog so much that I’m nominating you for this very shiny award: http://jweberle.com/2012/08/30/its-a-major-award/
Keep up the great work!
I intend to! Thanks, Jonny!
I’m still HOOK’ed, sending good vibes and am honored to have the pleasure to write a review about you and your awesome mind. I’ll be downloading your book from AMAZON and getting my adventurous-get-away ON. Every write from The eye of The HOOK is an adventure.
You are such an upbeat person… You truly rock! Thanks for always being so cool!
I think if you have to use the line, “Do I look like I need medication?” you really do. I thought of you Hook when I was in NY. Our bellman wasn’t friendly and seemed offended when I asked how long it took to get to the airport. I had no idea that was a sensitive subject, I just wanted to know what time to get a cab. I said to the better half, “Hook would never let me down and would have thrown in a few jokes.”
You know it! I never take my stress out on people who don’t deserve it. It would be an honor to serve you, my friend.
I read this in my email the other day and cracked up laughing, people staring at me. LOL