Travel Tips, Technical Malfunctions and Other Business…


You can plan every detail with military-like precision, but ultimately, your trip is going to unfold as fate intends it to. So when you find yourself experiencing shock and awe, just take a deep breath and remember, “I’m here to relax, I can get though this. I have left my baggage at home.”

If you can master this simple – yet incredibly difficult – technique, you’ll not only have unlocked the secret to enjoying a perfect vacation, you’ll have unlocked the secret to a living a perfect life!

That having been said, this tip is “easier said than done”, right? But for now, back to business…

As I write this, there is a traffic snarl in the lobby beside me that is slowly encroaching on my humble domain; I can already feel the tension building as the horde of travelers draws closer…

Technology, in all its wonder is not impervious to the machinations of fate. This is a sad fact of life that affects us all at some point or another. As of this moment,  hundreds of tired, sweaty, hungry tourists are standing in an ever-growing check-in line, only to be told they must wait at least an hour.

Yes, the Front Desk computers are down… Let the fun begin!

  • The chaos starts slowly, with only a handful of guests and employees aware of the technical failure. Ignorance truly is bliss. Trust me.
  • Most people are understanding when told of the delay, but eventually that one person begins to grumble and soon another and so on. Before long,the match is lit by that one guest who needs very little prodding.. AND THEN, WATCH OUT!
  • Sure enough, people start to lose it and the expletives are whispered and then spoken in clear, loud voices….
  • Most people followed protocol and lugged their bags back to my desk from the front with only a minor grumble or two. (This is such an inconvenience!”)

Those people are boring, so forget I mentioned them… Let’s concentrate on the crazy, I mean, “entertaining” people.

 “What is this $%^#? I can’t believe this… We’re on vacation!” “What are we supposed to do, sit around all day?” or my new personal favorite, “Don’t you people have a nerd? You know, like one of The Big Bang Theory guys?” In the midst of the check-in chaos a bachelorette party finally roused from their party-induced coma and checked out. In addition to the usual goodies (wine, snacks, open duffle bags of undies, etc.) they packed an item that would actually make a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey cringe. But I’m getting ahead of myself…

BELL DESK COORDINATOR:  Hook, I’ve got a live one here for you!

That sentence alone should have tipped me off, but I forged ahead nonetheless. I reached for the cart and began to head out the doors, intent on carrying out yet another routine call, when my colleague pointed out an item sitting on top of the mountain of “girly luggage”.

It barely filled one of our laundry bags, but the only thing I could truly make out clearly was a battery pack at the base, one similar to the type you’d see on a power drill. Turns out, it actually was power tool – of a sort.

The item in question was actually the largest, most powerful self-pleasuring toy I have ever been unfortunate enough to lay my bellman eyes on. Seriously, this thing was ginormous, as the kids say. It even had a patriotic theme: the packaging was red, white and blue and the label said “All-American”… I’ll let you guess the rest!

Being the consummate professional, I covered the power tool up as best I could, prayed it wouldn’t fall of the cart while in transit and made my way to an SUV where a bright, shiny, petite young lady with dripping-wet hair and wrinkled clothes greeted me…

You can always spot those young ladies who have burned the party candle at both ends: they have no energy left to do their hair the next morning and their outfits consist of whatever is handily laying on the floor. Moving on…

HUNGOVER, PERKY FEMALE: Sorry we took so long to leave! A few of us aren’t moving too well today –

THE HOOK: Well,  I can certainly see why! (Pointing at a certain object) And you can pack that thing! I’m not touching, if you don’t mind…

HUNGOVER, PERKY FEMALE: (Giggling) No problem! But I think I’d better use both hands

THE HOOK: At least!

  • The Chronicles are now part of the Kindle Select program whereby Kindle users can borrow participating books for free!



About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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47 Responses to Travel Tips, Technical Malfunctions and Other Business…

  1. Woman says:

    Now I am really curious what it was!!!

    Grrr!!!! That’s going to bother my brain all day now!

    • The Hook says:

      Come on, Woman! It was a gigantic sex toy! Something you would write about… But much, much larger!

      • Woman says:

        LOL!!! Goof!! I meant which one was it!!! I knew it was a vibrator, but brand man! Names!!!!

        Other women collect shoes and purses and other fancy stuff… I collect sex toys.

      • The Hook says:

        “Great American Challenge”… I think! Good luck tracking this sucker down, Woman! You’ll need even more luck to “deal with it”, so to speak!

  2. Love the logo… but boy, you certainly have piqued my curiosity. I know you’ve seen many gadgets through the years, so the one that stopped you in your tracks is one I cannot bring to my imagination.

  3. Where did you get your new logo done? Looks great!

  4. Sounds like the young perky female was lucky to be up and walking!!!
    Love your new logo my dear Hook…

  5. raisingdaisy says:

    You really meet ’em all! LOL LOVE your new logo – VERY cool!

  6. That’s just scary, hope they were single girls. I think a husband would have performance issues if he saw that gadget.

  7. TBM says:

    Love the new logo. I wish I had a resident nerd in the house when my stuff breaks.

  8. mcqty says:

    New logo is awesome. Love your stories as usual and love even more that you pointed it out. HILARIOUS !!

  9. squigamunk says:

    Nice logo! I must admit, it will take time to get used to it though. The Batman one really stood out in my email!

    Any chance you’ll be making your book into an actual book? One I could hold in my hands and put on a bookshelf and turn the pages of?

    • The Hook says:

      It is an actual book as well! Just head over to Amazon and you’ll see both versions available for sale right now!
      Sorry about the logo…. The Batman one was bordering on copyright infringement, ironically!

  10. Do you still get paid if we borrow the book on Kindle? Another great post. 🙂

  11. Caroline says:

    Oye, sounds like a handful!! And it’s OK, you can call them ‘crazy’ people. 🙂 Loving the new logo, too.

  12. A party + a vibrator? Call me naive…but what the heck?!

  13. Jo Bryant says:

    I knew of one that was nicknamed THOR…for all the obvious reasons

  14. People are never relaxed around here on vacation. I was at a restaurant for an anniversary dinner yesterday and the couple across from us (obvious tourists) sat down and immediately started complaining. “um, excuse me, you didn’t give me silverware and the table doesn’t have salt and pepper on it.” Good times.

  15. I’ll have to remember this when ever I feel embarrassment at my state of dress or what I’m dragging with me on a particular trip. Bellman, like doctors, have seen everything. Although I’ll have to say I’ve never been guilty of hauling the All American drill master with me….in a laundry bag. 🙂

  16. dinkerson says:

    Comment to post – ………. lol!
    Comment to you – Glad to see your blog still up and doing very well. Hope you’re doing great also. 🙂

  17. MysteryCoach says:

    HAHAHAHA! Battery pack designed to … whatever… LOL !

  18. Hmm it seems like your blog ate my first comment (it was super
    long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.
    I too am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any helpful hints for newbie blog writers? I’d really appreciate it.

    • The Hook says:

      Stay relaxed at all times! I’ve written a book and I’ve been driving myself crazy waiting for things to fall in place. Write from your heart and take it one day at a time.
      It helps to read other blogs – and comment! You can build an audience that way.

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