It was recently brought to my attention that my work is considered to be mean-spirited towards tourists, to which I respond with the following query: so what?
Okay, so the answer is a resounding “yes”, but they consider such labels a badge of honor and so do I. In fact, the mere existence of a critic validates my work. I wasn’t entirely sure I was on the right track until someone told me I’ve been ticking people off! Now I just need to anger someone who is actually somebody. Now who do I know with a million Twitter followers?
At any rate, let’s get back to business, shall we? Here are a few things you need to know about The Hook….
- I actually love tourists! Not literally, of course, (Sorry, ladies, I’m taken!) but they’ve given me a outlet for my creative energies, and for that I will be forever grateful.
- My work focuses on a small percentage of the traveling population. Most people are decent and quiet to their bellman, not loud and obnoxious.
- Long ago I learned to accept an irrefutable fact of (a bellman’s) life: some people will “stiff” you, and well-intentioned ones, at that. As long as a guest is pleasant, friendly and a decent conversationalist – you’d be amazed how many “regular” people completely ignore service personnel – I’m willing to accept that some people simply don’t realize that cultural convention dictates you tip your bellman, server, valet, etc. Some people still don’t realize they have the internet on computer.
- Although I prefer Coke to Pepsi, blue is my favorite color. I am a complicated man, my friends.
- In spite of my willingness to go toe-to-toe with a guest – but only when absolutely necessary – I have been awarded for going “above and beyond” in the execution of my duties. Yes, as hard as it is to believe, I have actually won a company-wide award for taking pride in my job and for looking out for the welfare of my fellow employees and the guests we serve. I know some of you are dumfounded right now, to which I can only say, “Welcome to the Matrix!”
- Although I am more than willing to carry your luggage, I really wish I didn’t have to deal with your “baggage”. The modern traveler seems to have forgotten the purpose of a vacation is to relax and leave your troubles behind with the family dog.
- This column, my book and my blogs are intended to serve as ENTERTAINMENT, PEOPLE! Nothing more, nothing less.
In closing, I would like to address my critics directly: thanks for reading (isn’t it funny how critics still manage to read/watch everything you do?) and please, tell your friends. After all, any publicity is good publicity.