The Hook Faces An Old Enemy….

I’ll say it again: titles are hard. At any rate…

I recently found myself surrounded by dozens of scantily-clad (very much so!) young ladies sporting wild hairstyles and wearing make-up reminiscent of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome.

A man my age would usually have to go to a “gentleman’s club” for such entertainment; all I had to do was don my uniform and sit at my desk. Unfortunately, the entertainment in question wasn’t actually entertaining at all, just the opposite, I’m afraid.

Much like the armies of Mordor descended upon Middle-earth (am I a geek or what?) my humble hotel was overwhelmed by a powerful force bent on crushing anyone who dared to stand in its way.

Hundreds of cheerleaders – and their dark masters known as “cheer moms” – were in town to face off against one another. Again. And God help anyone cursed enough to be in the line of fire.  That having been said, I’m sure most “cheer families” are decent, fun-loving folk.

I just haven’t been fortunate enough to have served those people.

THE SCENE: An already crowded elevator. The doors open and ten French cheerleaders embark. The decibel level reaches a point my hearing cannot process. Until they leave five floors later, I literally can’t make heads or tails of the conversation.

The little old lady and her husband beside me wait a moment and decide to sum up the situation by posing a question to The Hook.

LITTLE OLD LADY: Do you have a daughter, young man?

THE HOOK: Yes, just the one.

LOL: Is she a cheeleader?

THE HOOK: No, she’s a musician and writer.

LOL: Good! Beat her if she ever picks up a pom-pom! We’ve been watching them and these bitches are out of control!

You gotta love old folks; they can get away with murder. I still can’t believe I didn’t fall over laughing. In all fairness, though, the problem did not lie with the the hordes of fifteen-year-old cheerleaders at all – you can’t blame a scorpion for being a scorpion – but rather their creators.

The very next day I arrived at a room and found myself confronted by the angriest “cheer parents” I’ve ever encountered.

ANGRY MOM: We’re not ready. You can just leave the cart, right?

THE HOOK: I can return if you need some more time, miss.

Bear in mind, the mom in question had already been informed of our protocols when she called to arrange luggage pick-up. Nevertheless, she was quite put out by my answer. She was in the middle of a major eye-roll when her husband consoled her and took over. I assumed he would be the voice of reason.

I’m an idiot.

ANGRY DAD: Take a seat, buddy, (I was standing in a hallway) we’ll let you know when we’re ready to roll!

With that, he grabbed my cart and began to roll it into the room. I reached out and with one quick movement, grabbed hold of the cart, abruptly ending its movement. Angry Dad just looked at me and silently surrendered when I explained the dangers of rolling a bell cart into a room where it will no doubt collide with and damage furniture.

THE HOOK: Just let me know when you’re ready and I’ll bring out the bags.

Pretty clear instructions, correct? Apparently rage supersedes reason (who knew?) and so my new best friends carried their bags out one.. at.. a.. time, prolonging the process as much as possible.

Did I mention they let the door slam after each and every trip? Truly charming.

Eventually I made my way downstairs and met Angry Mom and her two quiet kids – I can only assume they had been scared straight – and spent five very tense minutes waiting for Angry Dad to pull  the “Angrymobile” around. All I had to do was get through the loading process and my ordeal would be over. Piece of cake for a seasoned veteran, right?

Yeah, right.

ANGRY DAD: This fucker forced me to back up!

This was Angry Dad’s proclamation after the doorman asked him to back his vehicle up; he was parked too close to a vehicle with a wheelchair ramp. I honestly don’t know if Angry Dad understood the circumstances, but he was certainly aware of the fact his two kids – not to mention the doorman in question – were standing right in front of him when he went off. Again.

Angry Mom started spewing curses and complaints as well, but she lowered the volume and urged her partner-in-crime to do the same. I simply stood by – at a safe distance, far from the blast zone – and waited until they were done. I then grabbed my cart and prepared to dash back to the relative safety of my cage/desk.

But Angry Mom had other plans for me.

“Thank you for your time.” she said through pursed lips. I can honestly say I’ve never received a tip from a guest who appeared to hate me with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. So at least the day contained a milestone as well as misery and shame.

To sum up, I bear no ill feelings towards cheerleaders; the underlying problem is a sport that forces young girls to impersonate hookers/strippers. As for their parents, most (roughly 80%) are normal and sane, just a little misunderstood. As for the 20% I recently dealt with, they not only gave the sport of cheerleading a black eye, they beat it, hogtied and violated it, and left it for dead by the side of the highway.

But at least they did it with plenty of spirit.


That’s right, folks, the latest column is available for your viewing pleasure… Enjoy!


Niagara Falls Comic-Con 2012

June 9. 2012 10 A.M – 7 P.M.
Scotiabank Convention Centre
Niagara Falls. Ontario. Canada

For full details, click here, fan boys and girls!

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About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

92 Responses to The Hook Faces An Old Enemy….

  1. wherethedaytakesme says:

    Crazy how these moms can be.

  2. El Guapo says:

    Umm…At least you got a tip?
    Go Little Old Lady!

  3. kimbervale says:

    “But at least they did it with plenty of spirit.” You make me laugh.

  4. Aha, so now I know why I didn’t become a cheerleader…damn
    my Mom was never an angry Mom…neither was my Dad !!
    My, you sure do meet the most interesting specimens in your work….
    How do you keep your cool?

  5. raisingdaisy says:

    I’d fail miserably in your job, Hook. I don’t have the kind of patience to be as calm with pushy, arrogant bigmouths as you do. I’m glad you stood up to that dad when he tried to bully the cart away from you. These idiots don’t know who they’re dealing with – The Hook RULES!! 🙂

  6. jakesprinter says:

    Excellent work my friend 🙂

  7. becca3416 says:

    You should have given them a spirit finger! The only thing worse than cheer moms are dancer moms (from personal experience).

  8. breezyk says:

    I agree with becca, Dance Moms are the worst. Do you ever watch that show? It would make for a great Book of Terrible Post on Abbie Lee Miller if you haven’t yet…

  9. The Hobbler says:

    How is the column and your book going? By the way, if you ever come to my blog, go to this part. It is the bad girl side and much more fun.

    • The Hook says:

      I just received my first digital proof of the book – some tweaking is required – but I’m in the final stage of my journey! The column is three weeks old. I didn’t post a link to the last one as there will be some overlapping material from week to week.
      Thanks for asking, Hobbler!

  10. I’m almost tempted to get a job at a hotel. I love that little old lady’s comment, “Good! Beat her…”
    Stay cool buddy.

  11. iamnotshe says:

    I just fainted! I thought cheerleaders were the problem, really!: The ruin of all civilization, and this little artist, jock. :-).

    Oh my man, this is yet another brilliant and hilarious post, however, the heart ache of putting up with RUDE RUDE RUDE, immature middle-aged people is stressing ME OUT!!!!

    Stay strong and keep laughing, right? Thank G** you write! Share!!!! 🙂

  12. My favorite line: …and their dark masters known as “cheer moms”. Completely cracked me up! Let me say you are a saint for putting up with all of this!

  13. Ink Pastries says:

    Living through our kids vicariously? Ugly. Thanks for making me laugh.

  14. valleygirl96 says:

    Should I “like” this post? I’m not only a former cheerleader but also a “cheer mom” and (I will use the term loosely) “coach.” And I’m about to go next door and get all up in Jeandayfriday’s face with some SPIRIT over that cheer mom comment. Ugh. I hate to admit it, but your obeservations are all too right! Woo hoo! Go cheerleaders! Yea!

    • The Hook says:

      I have no problem with the sport or most of the people involved; I just can’t stand those individuals who go off the rails in my presence! I love hearing from actual “cheer people”, though! Thanks for the input.

  15. There’s a Canadian show called the Wild Cats.. I used to cheer.. but back in the day our uniforms were so conservative.. boiled wool sweaters.. and wholesome!! What the heck is our world doing to women!!

  16. TBM says:

    This brings back memories of when I was a kid and used to travel with my soccer team…we weren’t “cool” enough to be cheerleaders. You have to put up with a lot Hook…you are a better person than me.

  17. Why is it that when you speak to ppl about cheerleaders the world stands still for a moment and people’s jaws drop? Parents attitudes.. wow, and they probably at home now wondering why their kids back talk or act the way they do. Pure shame.
    Hats off to you Hook, I have to agree you have a lot of patience.

  18. Hmmmm. Someone got their pom poms in a bunch, didn’t they? Dontcha love dads who curse in front of their kids, then slap them when they accidentally cuss and demand to know where they learned that word.

  19. twindaddy says:

    The parents of kids in any kind of competition don’t realize (for some reason) that they embarrass themselves, their kids, and anyone who knows them when they act like this. It’s not enough that their kids are learning to cheer, play sports, play an instrument, or whatever it is they’re learning, but the parents expect them to win it all. They demand excellence instead of letting the children enjoy themselves. It’s quite ridiculous.

  20. Bad behavior is learned……I can only imagine what the grandparents are like!

  21. Jeannie says:

    You Hook, are a gentleman. Through and through.

  22. Karmel says:

    Very good all I can understand the translation, you know what I like? this sentence, “” joy of mothers “.. hahaha, were very, very buenorros?
    You taste me a lot. I understand a little

    a kiss

  23. Woman says:

    You know… sometimes as I go about life here in The Big Silly I have to wonder if anyone could live in a comedy like my life or similar. And well Mister The Hook… I think you take the cake and eat it too.

    You might want to convince the hotel owners to change the name to something with comedy in it!!!

  24. Val says:

    LOLITE: little old lady in the elevator
    Sometimes comments are hard too!

  25. Red says:

    I quite think you may have it backward. In my experience, it is the 20% who are mild-mannered and the 80% who are the vicariously-living, fire-breathing, big-haired maniacs.

  26. royminor says:

    Loved reading this, very funny, man!

  27. Jo Bryant says:

    I really hope when I am a LOL I am like that…only I would probably find a way to stand on their toes with my pointy heeled shoes while smiling ever so apologetic…

  28. Being trapped in a room full of blood-thirsty cheerleader parents sounds like something out of the 7th circle of hell. Glad you survived!

  29. Sab Rainne says:

    ahaha. this is a great post. another great post!

  30. theDreamCatcher ♥ says:

    ahaha. this is a great post. another great post!

  31. Are you serious? Did “Little Old Lady” really say that in the elevator? Aw, hell… if so, I wonder if I can adopt her as mom or grandma (lol… depending upon her age, maybe a sister).

  32. confessionsofyourhusbandsmistress says:

    You’ve hit upon the truth once again dear Hook. Those scorpions are products of their breeders. I remind myself that everytime I’m angry with one of my own.

  33. The Guat says:

    Hilarious! As a girl jock growing up cheerleaders were my nemesis, so I feel you on that one. But ahhh that couple cracked me up: “We’ve been watching them and these bitches are out of control!” Ahhhh too funny.

  34. After reading this one, dear Hook, I found myself singing –
    A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go,
    Heigh ho, the dairy-o, a hunting we will go!
    I wonder why?!?…

  35. A cheerleading team was doing a routine for America’s Got Talent when they were in Austin TX. I noticed that the uniforms have reached a new level of barely there. Personally, I think the skirts of the old days, pleated with colorful inlays were much cuter! I can’t believe these little girls were stuffed into these rubber bands. It’s no wonder half of them end up pregnant and the other half are either anorexic or spend most of their lives in some state of self-loathing. Their circulation was cut off at an early age!! That being said, cheerleading can be an amazing sport, if clothing were put back into it!

  36. Hilarious! Episodes like this must just make your day! I’m dying to know if you’ve ever written about someone who’se read your re-telling? Or is there just too many people in the world? Or is it just that those crazy hotel visitors aren’t sane & sensible enough to want to sit down & read blogs.. Or book?!

  37. Brains vs the Cheerios. Can’t they have both? But if only one prevails, I’ll choose brains. It’s now the “brainy” people that rules th world. As for angry mom and dad. What a shame. It simply speaks of their character. May this post serve as an eye opener for people who can’t control their anger in public. In the end, they only embarrass themselves. Cool post!

  38. yaykisspurr says:

    I’ve never met an old lady that talks like that but I sure would love to. Cheers!

  39. mselene says:

    Ah, a fellow Lord of the Rings nerd! I always feel more endeared to a person if I hear them reference Mordor or Gimli or something of the sort…

  40. I love the way the oldies cut to the quick. Not much time left for shilly-shallying – tell it as it is. 🙂

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