Vampires, Tributes and Jersey Shore Wannabes…


Vampire Diaries Logo Deutsch: Vampire Diaries Logo

Vampire Diaries Logo Deutsch: Vampire Diaries Logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A day off. Snuggling with VampireLover while watching a new episode of The Vampire Diaries! Yeah, I know, but what can I say? I love her like a love song.

Sorry about that, my daughter has the radio on!

At any rate, my first day off ruled! Freedom is sweet, bitches.


Another day off, a “To Do” list a mile long, and a daughter driven by one goal: win the game. The Hunger Games, that is.

Yes, I willingly entered the arena (A multiplex, actually.) and offered myself up as Tribute – yes, I’m familiar with the material – and sat through two hours and twenty-two minutes of children battling to the death in yet another post-apocalyptic future.

And while I’ll leave the reviews to the experts, I would like to express my disappointment in the lack of vision used to create the source material; why do so many authors take the easy way out and frame their stories around global death and destruction?

You can present a gripping tale with compelling characters living in a thriving civilization, if you’re willing to rack your brain and dig deep and mine the depths of your creative well.

Or you can write The Hunger Games and build yourself an Olympic-size pool, fill it with thousand-dollar bills, set fire to it – and laugh as it burns, secure in the knowledge you’ll sell another million copies by week’s end.

The Hunger Games

And I actually enjoyed the movie, by the way!


Back to business. The business of controlled chaos that would put the Games to shame, that is.

And business is booming.


  • Was a Jersey Shore wannabe – who made The Situation look like he has it all together!
  • He brought eight pairs of  Jordans! And it was raining like crazy out!
  • Dropped his own jacket on the wet, dirty deck and nearly screamed out loud. Seriously.

ULTRA-METROSEXUAL DUDE: Do you think I brought too many shoes?

THE HOOK: (INNER MONOLOGUE) If you’re straight, yes! (OUTSIDE VOICE) You’re fine, sir. Then again, I don’t even own eight pairs of shoes, so what do I know?


  • Was, appropriately enough, a blonde Snooki!
  • Her raven hair sat atop a short, stocky frame and only served to highlight another of her styling errors: make-up by Alice Cooper!
  • She had a short, black little “hooker jacket” that screamed “I don’t charge, but tips are accepted!”
  • She wore fishnet stockings with wide spider web weaves – on a cold, damp day.
  • Made the mistake of using the fishnets to draw attention to one of her less appealing features: legs the size of ham hocks.

That brings us to another travel tip:

HOOK’S TRAVEL TIPS: When traveling – or whenever you leave your home,  for that matter – be mindful of your surroundings; dress appropriately. Dressing like a hooker while checking-in at an upscale hotel will draw attention (And looks!) you may not desire. And if you have a feature you really shouldn’t draw attention to – like legs thicker than The Hook’s arms – then don’t draw attention to it!

Oh they were a joy to serve, I’ll tell you that! If only I could bludgeon them in front of a worldwide audience…

Now that would be a satisfying day of hard labor…


Niagara Falls Comic-Con 2012

June 9. 2012 10 A.M – 7 P.M.
Scotiabank Convention Centre
Niagara Falls. Ontario. Canada

For full details, click here, fan boys and girls!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Movies, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

96 Responses to Vampires, Tributes and Jersey Shore Wannabes…

  1. sexuallifeofawife says:

    Hey, i’m the first person to comment!!! I’ve never ever been the first here as you seem to have hundreds of followers who are tuned in to your every move.. I better click the ‘post comment’ icon before anyone else does it before me!

  2. sexuallifeofawife says:

    By the way… Great post!!

  3. Val says:

    I’m looking forward to seeing The Hunger Games with my daughters, I hope it lives up to the hype!

  4. wherethedaytakesme says:

    Looking forward to seeing the Hunger Games.

  5. kimbervale says:

    Thanks for the ping! I dug your observations. People-watching should be a sport; you’d be a contender.

  6. jlheuer says:

    Saw the Hunger Games and really liked it. Yes they left out some stuff ,there wasn’t enough of Gale, but as in Harry Potter, as in Lord of the Rings… we would still be in the theater if all remained. Suggest Blood Red Road to your daughter if she liked Hunger Games. ( I read a lot of teen post-apocalyptic fiction).

  7. iamnotshe says:

    YOU MAKE ME LAUGH!!!!!!!!!!! BLUDGEON AWAY I SAY! An audience is priceless. Think of the novel you could write. Actually you’re writing a novel now … however, it is slightly about destruction and devastation: Yours 🙂

    GLAD you and VampireLover had a wonderful snuggle; makes all the difference in the world.

    Je***, you mean i can’t dress like a hooker anymore? Erm, i only own jeans and T’s and beaucoup de JEWELRY. Army boots and some comfortable shoes. I love the shoes thing.

    Good health! mel

  8. tadams4u says:

    The sad part is, she probably thinks her legs are her best feature so why not show them off. LOL

  9. I work so hard to write YA fiction that never comes from that dark, desperate, villainous place. I often feel like my work is less interesting to young people who are used to this good versus evil style drama, but I can’t give in and write that easy out kind of work. It’s nice to hear you stand on the same side that I live on. Thanks for that! Have a good week!

  10. twindaddy says:

    You ever wonder what rock these people crawl out of before they go out in public?

  11. Woman says:

    I agree with you. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve had to wait an extra amount of time clearing customs coming into Canada or into other countries because the agents stopped the women who dressed… well… who dressed with more skin showing than they had clothes on because they suspected them of drugs and contraband.

    I’ve never heard of this “Hunger Games”. And from the sounds of it, I am not sure I want too!!!

    Keep up the people watching and telling us the stories!!!!

    And you and Mrs The Hook aka VampireLover, are so cute!!! Speaking of “The Vampire Diaries” I am so thrilled they brought back Elijah. In my opinion he is just so yummy!!! The rest of the male- cast look like girls. How on earth do women and girls today tell the difference?

    • The Hook says:

      Great point about the pretty boys on the show!
      You’ve never heard of The Hunger Games?
      I suppose that’s a good thing…

      • Woman says:

        Nope. First time I’ve heard of it was this morning when I read your blog. At first I thought you were talking about “Game of Thrones” but then I realised it was called “Game of Thrones”.

        If it really is that popular, I am kind of surprised my students haven’t told me about it. Is it worth looking into???

      • The Hook says:

        It may not be your cup of tea, but then again, the main character is a strong kick-ass female – just like you!

  12. Millie Ho says:

    Your post reminded me of my hungering for The Hunger Games. Thank you, Mr. Hook!

  13. The Hobbler says:

    Glad you enjoyed your time off! Now back to your hookers…wait a second, that doesn’t sound right… 😉

  14. Jo Bryant says:

    And if you have a feature you really shouldn’t draw attention to – like legs thicker than The Hook’s arms – then don’t draw attention to it!

    So that is what I am doing wrong…hehehehe

  15. susielindau says:

    My daughter has already seen it twice and loved it!

  16. Kanerva says:

    Hooray! The first less than positively-glowing-you-must-read-this-it-will-change-your-life review of the Hunger Games. Thank you! I was beginning to think the record was stuck. Having said that I only became aware there was a book behind the movie this week. I obviously need to get out more…

    • The Hook says:

      Nah, you have everything you need in front of you! Don’t you? Maybe not….
      A little “kind-of fresh” air never hurt anyone, right?

  17. Capt. Savage says:

    Hook, Love the idea of someone having an internal monologue about people they have to deal with. I do this myself, but you’ve got to be careful not to accidently verbalise it. Done that at a really boring meeting and it didn’t go down too well.

    Keep putting this stuff up, love seeing your world through your eyes.

    Capt. Savage
    (Always on mission, on target, and on time)

  18. mairedubhtx says:

    Did you think the Hunger Games was too violent for youth (preteens)? The book is very violent. The movie trailer looked a little campy but the actual guts (pardon the pun) of the movie would seem that it had to be violent. Having seen it, what do you think? I’d be interested. I read the book and it was too “teenaging” for me but I was just wondering. I value your opinion.

    • The Hook says:

      The film version was very well done – heads and shoulders above Twilight – and the acting was top-notch. Jennifer Lawerence is a real actress as opposed to Kristen Stewart who appears to be high ALL THE TIME!
      The violence is presented in a stylized manner and kept to the bare minimum. Instead, they ramp up the tension; watch Katniss’ eyes just before she enters the Games, priceless.
      Definitely worth your time and cash, young lady. You’ll have to decide whether to bring th egrand kids, though. That’s a tough decision, one parents and schools are wrestling with right now…

  19. mairedubhtx says:

    Thanks for the review. Sounds like it would be fine.

  20. Jeannie says:

    an advantage of growing older is dimming sight and hearing…;)

    PS. My husband says more information please…send pictures! Old fart!

  21. giselzitrone says:

    Grüsse dich und wünsche dir einen schönen Abend und einen guten start in die neue Woche lieber Gruss Gislinde.

  22. VampireLover and daughter or work…!!!
    hmmmmm, decisions, decisions, decisions…. 😉

  23. Theo Black says:

    Yes, Hunger Games was fantastic!

  24. kewsmith says:

    I read the Hunger Games and enjoyed but I have to say I felt a little ‘uncomfortable’ watching kids killing kids in the movie. In the end, I enjoyed but there was a moment where I questioned my decision of watching.

  25. So.. are all these fishnet stockinged women actually hookers? Or some of them? Or just wannabe’s? For the record, I went to the Hunger Games with my daughter too.. (applause for mom of the year) and struggled with the bashing of children concept and was very relieved that that was all blurred and left to one’s imagination. I’ve now got the series and plan to read the books before the next movies are out..

    • The Hook says:

      Enjoy the books! As for your query, they’re not all hookers, but they are guilty of intense promiscuity and very poor judgement!

  26. Love VD! And can’t wait to see Hunger Games next week!

  27. aFrankAngle says:

    Can Hunger Games be as good as your description of the blonde Snooki?

  28. the one thing worse than the “Jersey Shore”… a Jersey Shore wannabe !”

  29. cassiebehle says:

    Saw the Hunger Games last night. Thought it was a little phoned in and that the thought of children killing children was a little too much, but I have to admit it had me at the edge of my seat, wondering how they were going to kill off all the “good” kids. For being predictable, it was…unpredictable. 🙂

  30. Just a buffet of hilarity today: a day off, shoes, blond Snookie – and venturing into Hunger arena. Great as always

  31. I have tagged you hope you will accept this challenge this way we can also get to know you a little better 😛

    • The Hook says:

      Thank you so much, Princess! It rocks to be recognized by one’s peers – and especially by royalty! Ironically, I find myself forced to cut back on both blogs to concentrate on my upcoming newspaper column and soon-to-be-released book, so I cannot accept your challenge. I understand if you wish to direct the award in another direction.

      • I do understand but if you ever get the time I’d love you to just answer the questions and forget the rest…

        You certainly are a very busy man 🙂 good luck to you

        And yes royalty always recognises quality blood 😛

      • The Hook says:

        Then Royalty rocks!
        I’ll do what I can…

  32. raisingdaisy says:

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That’s the funniest Saturday yet!! OMG You’re so on-target with your descriptions of those two – I see phonies like that all the time where I live….I really need to move…. 🙂

    • The Hook says:

      I’m sure you’re where you’re meant to be!
      By the way, I’ve enjoyed your tales of doggie mischief very much; I’ll stop by for more when I can.

  33. Ravi Ojha says:

    Hunger games is really a nice movie… you can see reviews from critics on my blog in a shortened manner.
    Also now I’m becoming your regular reader.

  34. TBM says:

    My favorite part of this post: “I don’t charge, but tips are accepted!” That description is priceless.

  35. brainvomit40 says:

    As always, you had me laughing out loud with the hamhock comment. Such imagery!

  36. munchow says:

    I am glad you had a couple of days off. And it’s good too, that business is booming. Or? I haven’t seen the Hunger Game yet, but will find time one of these days. You critique seems relevant for some many of these movies.

  37. Ipodman says:

    I like The Hunger Games movie too! 😀

  38. Caroline says:

    I’ve only read the first Hunger Games book, but have yet to see the movie. I’ve heard all good things! I’ll get around to it I guess. Glad to hear you did enjoy it though!

  39. Lorre says:

    There is nothing wrong with looking like a hooker.

  40. Parkscheibe says:

    Geniale infos die meine Wenigkeit diesfalls vorgefunden gutschrift, bis zum nächsten fleck.

  41. vinishka says:

    Hi! I’ve nominated you for two awards- click here to find out more!

    Haha, great writing, keep it up! 🙂

  42. brittany220 says:

    I still haven’t seen Hunger Games, but maybe I will read the books sometime! I’m hearing a lot about that series lately. Glad you enjoyed the movie!

  43. Theasaurus says:

    Love your review of ‘The Hunger Games’. I could not agree more.

    Great news about ‘The Bellman Chronicles’. Congrats!

  44. HoaiPhai says:

    Ha ha! That ham hock comment made me think of the turkey breasts in a box with the elastic net around them!

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