A day off. Snuggling with VampireLover while watching a new episode of The Vampire Diaries! Yeah, I know, but what can I say? I love her like a love song.
Sorry about that, my daughter has the radio on!
At any rate, my first day off ruled! Freedom is sweet, bitches.
Another day off, a “To Do” list a mile long, and a daughter driven by one goal: win the game. The Hunger Games, that is.
Yes, I willingly entered the arena (A multiplex, actually.) and offered myself up as Tribute – yes, I’m familiar with the material – and sat through two hours and twenty-two minutes of children battling to the death in yet another post-apocalyptic future.
And while I’ll leave the reviews to the experts, I would like to express my disappointment in the lack of vision used to create the source material; why do so many authors take the easy way out and frame their stories around global death and destruction?
You can present a gripping tale with compelling characters living in a thriving civilization, if you’re willing to rack your brain and dig deep and mine the depths of your creative well.
Or you can write The Hunger Games and build yourself an Olympic-size pool, fill it with thousand-dollar bills, set fire to it – and laugh as it burns, secure in the knowledge you’ll sell another million copies by week’s end.
And I actually enjoyed the movie, by the way!
Back to business. The business of controlled chaos that would put the Games to shame, that is.
And business is booming.
- Was a Jersey Shore wannabe – who made The Situation look like he has it all together!
- He brought eight pairs of Jordans! And it was raining like crazy out!
- Dropped his own jacket on the wet, dirty deck and nearly screamed out loud. Seriously.
ULTRA-METROSEXUAL DUDE: Do you think I brought too many shoes?
THE HOOK: (INNER MONOLOGUE) If you’re straight, yes! (OUTSIDE VOICE) You’re fine, sir. Then again, I don’t even own eight pairs of shoes, so what do I know?
- Was, appropriately enough, a blonde Snooki!
- Her raven hair sat atop a short, stocky frame and only served to highlight another of her styling errors: make-up by Alice Cooper!
- She had a short, black little “hooker jacket” that screamed “I don’t charge, but tips are accepted!”
- She wore fishnet stockings with wide spider web weaves – on a cold, damp day.
- Made the mistake of using the fishnets to draw attention to one of her less appealing features: legs the size of ham hocks.
That brings us to another travel tip:
HOOK’S TRAVEL TIPS: When traveling – or whenever you leave your home, for that matter – be mindful of your surroundings; dress appropriately. Dressing like a hooker while checking-in at an upscale hotel will draw attention (And looks!) you may not desire. And if you have a feature you really shouldn’t draw attention to – like legs thicker than The Hook’s arms – then don’t draw attention to it!
Oh they were a joy to serve, I’ll tell you that! If only I could bludgeon them in front of a worldwide audience…
Now that would be a satisfying day of hard labor…
ON A PERSONAL NOTE…
June 9. 2012 10 A.M – 7 P.M.
Scotiabank Convention Centre
Niagara Falls. Ontario. Canada
For full details, click here, fan boys and girls!
- The Vampire Diaries Episode Recap: “Breaking on Through” (muhsadam.wordpress.com)
- The Hunger Games: My Pseudo-Review (kimbervale.wordpress.com)
- Female First Interview with Vampire Diaries star Joseph Morgan (houseofvampires.wordpress.com)