People Suck! An Examination Of The Human Condition By The Hook…

So a group of Romanian gypsies – I kid you not – approach my desk…

GYPSY COUGAR MOM: You can take care of our bags, yes?

THE HOOK: Certainly, how many bags do you have?

CLUELESS GYPSY DAD: Seven or eight, maybe?


How can you be clueless when it comes to the amount of luggage you own? Were the bags phasing in and out of existence?

Is there anyone still out there who doesn’t understand why The Hook is The Hook?


Some unlucky douche just got hit in the face – and pocketbook – by The Wheel of Karma!

He neglected to leave the doorman  his car keys – at the height of the check-in frenzy – and so his Mercedes was eventually towed. Unfortunately, the tow operator busted his tie rod!

Karma’s a bitch, no question.

Speaking of cars, the hotel hosted a convention of high-end car salespeople who displayed some of their wares out front, complete with 24 hour security. Can’t be too careful with Aston Martins and the like, right?

The official car the Aston Martin V8 Vantage (...

Image via Wikipedia

Of course, salespeople excel when it comes to arrogance and contempt for the “little people”, so they were a joy to serve. Truth be told, I really wasn’t too bothered by their attitudes; turns out their company booked them in the hotel’s standard suites, which some individuals felt were “beneath them”.

It’s difficult to maintain an elitist attitude when your “premium view” is a wall or a headless bird on a ledge!

Seriously, one guest had a view consisting of a headless pigeon on the window ledge – nature can be a hotel’s greatest opponent my friends – not that they seemed to care, fortunately! I can only imagine what they did to deserve that karmic payment….


I can only hope this next family gets a bill from the Global Karma Agency – and soon!

I’m standing at my desk, sorting through a pile of Sunday morning calls when I spot a shocking sight; a family of Muslims eating as they walked through the lobby – with plates and silverware from the breakfast buffet!

They took their plates – piled high – to the remainder of the family (All twenty of them! Seriously!) who were spread across three cars. Other guests were aghast as they laughed and stuffed their faces. Fortunately they didn’t seem to be in a hurry to leave, so my fellow employees had time to hold a vote to see which lucky bastard would get to face down these schmucks.

Guess who won?  

They whispered amongst themselves as I went car-to-car, collecting dirty plates and silverware. Fortunately I had an ally in a tenacious doorman who refused to buy a lame excuse like, “We brought these from home!”

Let me tell you, I got some odd looks as I made my way through the lobby carrying a pile of breakfast dishes…..


Niagara Falls Comic-Con 2012

June 9. 2012 10 A.M – 7 P.M.
Scotiabank Convention Centre
Niagara Falls. Ontario. Canada

For full details, click here, fan boys and girls!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

90 Responses to People Suck! An Examination Of The Human Condition By The Hook…

  1. iamnotshe says:

    Yes, I love the title and I haven’t read the post yet! JE***! Family #2 wins the PEOPLE SUCK award by a long shot!

    I know the Hook knows that that b**** had 9 bags, yeah? She was trying to lighten the load … erm “skip the tip”. Take care Hook. Been MIA. Mel

  2. susielindau says:

    People have a lot of nerve. Taking breakfast plates with them to their car????

  3. mairedubhtx says:

    Maybe the Muslim family was having a picnic. Could be. And I am never sure how many pieces of luggage I actually have. I’m always doubtful–NOT.

  4. Capt. Savage says:

    Classic, live your work Hook 🙂

  5. twindaddy says:

    People really do suck. Once they’re out in public they just don’t care what they do or what kind of mess it makes because, hey, they don’t have to clean it up. Good people are few and far between these days and it’s a damn shame.

    I truly hope that you find success with your writing because eventually you’ll snap when dealing with idiots of this type on a daily basis. Trust me, I know.

  6. Love the audacity of strolling out with the plates – Hookfightback has begun methinks!

  7. Hey that lady couldnt tell you exact no. of bags cos she stuffed them so much that there was a chance any of them could have given birth in journey. 😆
    2nd family wins, not only they had their own picnic they even tried to take away plates and lucky we all are to meet such great people in our lifetime 😆

  8. raisingdaisy says:

    Just when I think hotel guests can’t get any weirder… tell another story! LOL 😉

  9. TBM says:

    Wow…I’ve only taken mini shampoos. I didn’t know I could stock my kitchen as well.

  10. You sure see the bulk of douchebags, eh Hook! Comes with the territory of hotel work. I’ve seen people sneak bread, extra desserts and what not into their purse or bag! ARG! The audacity of some people!

  11. Jeannie says:

    Sheesh…where’s my plate and silverware? You can keep them…I just want the food. I really like eating off the trunk of my car! LOL

    What a world wide view you have from the hotel lobby…what you’ve shared all this time I think is only the tip of the iceberg! 😉

  12. littlesundog says:

    As frustrating as it may be working with the public and people that suck… you weave some mighty great tales for storytelling and blogging. I can always count on a good belly laugh from you! Chalk it up to another great and entertaining post, my friend!

  13. Where else do you go when you’re running low on forks and plates? I always steal mine from the local buffet. Am I wrong for that? (Just kidding, seriously, I would never take a plate from a buffet, but I’m not above pocketing a good soup spoon!)

  14. Val says:

    I can see the headline… “Romanian Gypsy Cougar Mom Bags Bellman”.

  15. Oooo. Expensive cars with security….how did you fight the urge to get fingerprints all over them! (or did they have someone waiting in the wings to polish them constantly – even more fun!). Somewhere there is bound to be a reality show / karma agency interviewing people to send to you; “Let’s see how Hook likes this one…” Gotta be that. Funny post as always

  16. Headless pigeon?! Hard for me to remember the rest in light of that. *shudder*

  17. cassiebehle says:

    You have the most randomly outrageous things happen to you at work!

  18. brainvomit40 says:

    Your blogs never cease to amaze me. Yet, I have no doubt that they are true. My husband is a Doc and he saw a patient yesterday, a 19 year old woman, who was dressed as a cat – complete with ears and a tail.

    • The Hook says:

      What kind of doctor is your hubby? Do his patients usually engage in cosplay at the office?

      • brainvomit40 says:

        He’s an optometrist. As far as I know they don’t, but I have to be honest that I don’t really know what goes on in there.

  19. The Hook makes me laugh and when Mr. Bricks checks into a hotel now he is very suspicious — he doesn’t want to get hooked! But hey, Bricks is a good tipper!

  20. Jo Bryant says:

    Just think yourself lucky they didn’t take the food warmers…
    I will bare my soul and admit to being a glass thief in my younger days. I know…I know. But it’s in the blood. Descendent of Ned Kelly and all, and in my defence I should like to mention that I had a TOUGH childhood you know.
    Telling you THAT is of course in no way intended to make you feel sorry for me and excuse my behaviour…that guy I murdered last week reminded me of an uncle who used to take my chair to sit in when he came to visit…that sort of thing left a lot of scars you know.

  21. Woman says:

    Global Karma Agency????? Tee hee hee…. I’ve never been able to master the eat and walk. Yes, yes, yes. I can chew gum and walk at the same time. But eating and walking??? Nope. They do it all the time here, but they cannot seem to fathom how I can be a passenger in a car and eat.

    Weirdos. The lot of them!!!

  22. Jennifer says:

    By the time your posts arrive I’m in bed and it always gives me a chuckle to finish my day… Global Karma Agency… love it. I know several people who could use a visit from them…

  23. jlheuer says:

    Fess up! You work at the circus not a hotel.

  24. Hook…I’ve just figured it out…!
    You are BOTH the funny guy AND the straight guy, in one…!
    Or, put another way….
    You can ‘play the game’ and be the audience all at the same time….
    Tell me it’s not true..!!! 😉

  25. aFrankAngle says:

    Still laughing at this description: “Salespeople excel when it comes to arrogance and contempt for the “little people”

  26. Simon says:

    Can I have your permission to begin inserting the phrase “Gypsy Cougar” into every conversation possible? Genius my friend.

  27. The Hobbler says:

    Why do all the nut cases go to your hotel?

  28. The Guat says:

    Family taking breakfast plates to the car … awwww you had me cracking up! Sorry you had to clean it up.

  29. timkeen40 says:

    Yes, people do suck. In the world of manufacturing, new and better and more people-proof machines keep getting built to overcome the fact that people suck.

    In your world the only thing to do is write about it. You do that very well.

    Thanks again for another entertaining round of your life.


  30. renxkyoko says:

    Those who brought their plates out…… that’s so tacky…… I guess they were not aware of the most basic etiquete, huh.

  31. aFrankAngle says:

    I had to come back … Gypsy Cougar Mom is a classic.

  32. Okay, so the next hotel upgrade will be a full china and crystal drive-thru????

  33. Wow… you definitely run into the strangest people… and I’m glad because we’re hugely entertained by your stories:) xo Smidge

  34. tadams4u says:

    I figured out the luggage. Come with 6 and leave with a seventh full of plates and silverware! Lol

  35. people only suck when we say they do. they only suck when allowed. not sucking involves hard work, individuality, and the ability to better those that do suck in a way that doesn’t call them suckers.

  36. This was too funny! I wonder if anyone now would like to reserve that headless pigeon room? I’m thinking new pigeon landmark!

  37. You always make me smile. What a great outlook on life!

  38. Of course you won Hook! You always win!

  39. Ravi Ojha says:

    Your posts are the most curious ones of the blogs I’ve visited till now.. Great work.

    • The Hook says:

      Thanks! I love the overall concept of your blog. The idea of a central hub for movie reviews seems to be catching on and you’re there to catch the wave!

  40. mj monaghan says:

    I have heard karma can be difficult to those with rudeness and no manners. And it can be a very bumpy ride! 🙂

  41. HoaiPhai says:

    Should have flipped the full dishes over to expose the hotel’s logo beneath! I’ve been barred from a buffet for overconsumption, but it was legit… my friend Fat Tommy and I actually ate all the food in the restaurant.

    • The Hook says:

      You actually call your bud “Fat Tommy”?
      That’s either hilarious or just plain sad!
      Either way… nice!

      • HoaiPhai says:

        More on the hilarious side. He’s call up and if I wasn’t home he’d tell my mother, “Just tell him Fat Tommy called.” Good guy, but I haven’t seen or heard from him in decades. We got into lots of trouble together, but we were rarely caught. I’d love to figure out a way to incluse some of our exploits into a post or two.

      • The Hook says:

        Go for it! People love trips down Memory Lane!

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