Fate Toys With The Hook!

DISCLAIMER: This edition of You’ve Been Hooked! contains salty language.

To say the least.

I’ve substituted the traditional “F” word with “fire truck” – as per my daughter’s request – and I hope this is acceptable. If not, you can go read about the healing properties of bubble wrap or some other crap over at The Book of Awesome! 

So our “idiot doorman” – it will make sense later – calls me out to a truck. They had requested a colleague of mine, but he was on a call, so they got The Hook. Lucky me.

This woolly mammoth of a man peels himself out of the front seat while the rest of his inbred clan slithered inside. He lumbers over to the back door, looks at me and proceeds to prove why people hate rednecks.

WOOLLY MAMMOTH: “You’re flying solo? Where’s what’s-his-name?”

THE HOOK: He’s on another call. I’ll do my best, sir.

WM: You sure?

THE HOOK: Absolutely! The doctor says my meds are designed to last all day!

WM: (Unmoved by my Canadian humor) That’s good!

So he begins to hand me bag after bag of actual luggage (I was impressed so far!) and then he just stopped…

He waved his wife over from the lobby and began to melt down – BIG TIME!

WM: How many fire truckin’ bags of food do we need?

He was quite upset by the large number of plastic Wal-Mart bags they had packed. 

WOOLLY MAMMOTH’S WIFE: There are a lot of us!

WM: I don’t care! I’m fire truckin’ sick and tired of lugging all this food around! Look at all this! How’s it going to fit on the cart?

I would have interjected, but they wouldn’t have listened anyway.

WMW: I’ll take them!

WM: Fine! Here’s one!

He began to fire bags at her. And how!

WM: I got it!

WM: And another one…

WM: And another one…

WMW: Bring it on, baby!

And so it went for about six bags! I honestly thought the was going to clock her! Finally, they stopped; he lumbered back into the truck to park and the wife took off inside, leaving me to begin writing this post.

I had no time for that though; another guest was waiting for me at my desk…

CONFUSED GENTLEMAN: Your fire truckin’ doorman is an idiot!

THE HOOK: Okaaay…

CG: He had me park in the garage before I unloaded my bags! Now we have to walk all the way to the garage and back!

At that moment, this guest was speaking for every bellman I’ve ever worked with! Overall, he was pretty cool though. His complaints about the hotel echoed my own and he was a decent tipper, and I have to give credit where credit is due.

He was certainly better than this next gentleman….

An upscale African-American – who was actually as black as Bill Cosby – he had a clan of ten, with fourteen bags! He ignored me at first, choosing to go right inside and check-in without receiving a tag for his luggage, but check-in time is always hectic – even without a huge family – so I’m used to such behavior.

We eventually met up at the room… where he stiffed me. I could have sworn Bill Cosby had money, but oh well…

Moving on.

Turns out Fate had chosen my previous guests as harbingers of doom; there were agents of evil poised to descend on my little slice of Heaven…

Teachers were on their way.

I was “fortunate” enough to serve the first arrival and he had a few items for The Hook to slug around…

  • Eight cases of beer.
  • Four cases of pop; “soda” to my Yankee friends.
  • Three cases of water.
  • Three cases of wine. I never realized how much alcohol stimulates a teacher’s mind...
  • Various coolers and clamatos.
  • And no tip for The Hook!

And so it goes with teachers.

But as cruel as Fate appears to be at times, you can’t declare a day a total loss until the display on the electronic  punch clock says “Thank you, Hook!”

Okay, the clock doesn’t actually say “Thank you, Hook!”, but I’m The Hook to all of you, so let’s just call this poetic license and leave it at that, all right?

At any rate, my day actually ended with Bill Cosby returning to my desk with a nice, crisp clean twenty-dollar bill… and a big smile. The smile was great.

But the $20 was much nicer.


Niagara Falls Comic-Con 2012

June 9. 2012 10 A.M – 7 P.M.
Scotiabank Convention Centre
Niagara Falls. Ontario. Canada

For full details, click here, fan boys and girls!


About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

103 Responses to Fate Toys With The Hook!

  1. jumpingpolarbear says:

    Seems like you have met a lot of fire truck obnoxious people the last week. At least Cosby gave you a 20 🙂

  2. I want to lecture these teachers on proper tipping etiquette. These teachers should at least throw some vino or a case of beer your way! 😉

  3. Jo Bryant says:

    Fire truckin huh ?? I must remember that one. As I sit here on a sunny Sunday afternoon…well I am glad I am sitting here and not where you are. Honestly – I’d fire truckin deck some of them…

  4. Whoa – finally, a happy ending to the day! (and the others? Well, at least you got a post out of them!) Hilarious as usual

  5. the777man says:

    I have to thank you for the laughs tonight! I love the way you write and tell the story! I use to work in Room Service as basically a buss person. They would not let us girls be wait staff in room service because they did not want us to be going into rooms by ourselves.

    We use to ride up and down the elevator all day picking up trays and tables. We ended up becoming friends with the bellmen in the elevator. I have to say you probably should move to Nevada and work at one of the casinos there, because those boys would pull out rolls of cash that were like huge! Shoot they complained about tips smaller than a 20.00 US dollar. Now I have to admit it has been a few years, and I don’t know what the economy has done to that mentality, but hey!

    Thank you for making me laugh, and I read way down through your posts tonight too! I spent a long time here. It made me feel better, as I am fighting a fire truck of a cold… That doesn’t actually make sense, but I like it and will tell my 12 year old about it. My 18 year old will find it funny too!

    I am following you now, and look forward to reading more!
    Peace and Harmony,

  6. Cameron says:

    Only the New English Yankees call it soda, or so I’m told. Elsewhere it’s pop. Or so I’m told 😉

  7. Impressed as ever that you manage to keep your cool as you do, I would be screaming fire truck, I fear.

  8. I’m still laughing about your comment re “the healing powers of bubble wrap.” Hilarious dig.

  9. wherethedaytakesme says:

    Never a dull moment with the hook.

  10. susielindau says:

    I am smiling for you Hook!

  11. 😆 this was so fire truckin Good….loved it. 🙂

  12. hotelnerd says:

    Him coming back to tip you is awesome. That’s better than a guest coming back to apologize for yelling at you. Such a rare treat.

  13. El Guapo says:

    At least it ended on a high note…

  14. Woman says:

    The healing properties of bubble wrap… well boy oh boy… let me tell you what Mister The Hook…. I so would love to get wrapped up in bubble wrap and never hurt again!!!!

    Well you have to admit one thing about your day. At least it didn’t sound boring!!!!!

  15. my boys are right into the fire truck – the terminology not the … well, you know. It’s funny, the worse day you have the funnier the post we read… despite all the fire trucks coming through your way you got a good tip at the end. Pop/soda… it’s called soft drink here. I so have to come and visit you one day!!

  16. Capt. Savage says:

    Hi Hook,
    I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve shared the love by nominating you for the Liebster Award, because I really like your blogs. If you go to my page, as you already have, you’ll see what it is. Feel free to accept and post on your page or not, it is really up to you. If you accept, see http://iamnotshe.wordpress.com/2012/02/17/im-a-little-liebster-and-proud-of-it/ for the rules. She sets it out so much better than I ever could. Really enjoy your post, inspiring me 🙂

    Capt. Savage
    (Not actually a front-line officer, but still knows what is what)

  17. mairedubhtx says:

    Some days it all works out in the end.

  18. twindaddy says:

    When I lived in Georgia, any carbonated beverage was called Coke, whether it was Ginger Ale, Mountain Dew, Pepsi, or otherwise, it was Coke.

    That took a little bit to get used to, especially when you were at a restaurant that only served Pepsi products. “What kinda Coke ya want?” Um….huh?

  19. iamnotshe says:

    God bless Bill Cosby, whoever he may be. 10 kids? I’m surprised he had $20 bucks AND a smile to spare ;-). I like your daughter’s input. I should take heed. Well, nah … Carry on Hook.

    OH, I like the line about your meds. Touché!

  20. rarely does a personal journal of sorts (what post people call “blogging”… i guess that is what it means… i try to “write posts” then, not blog) entertain me the way your stories do haha. it’s the humanities of all creeds seen at a hotel

  21. Fire truck! You’re daughter is cool! Lovely that you took her advice…
    Enjoyed the read (again!)

  22. You’ve been tagged by Simple Observations. Stop over, and see what’s happening.

  23. littlesundog says:

    How witty is your daughter? I LOVE the substitute lingo!! In fact, I think it ROCKS!! You made my day… and a $20 tip ain’t too shabby neither!

  24. brainvomit40 says:

    Those fire-truckin’ teachers are a disappointment to my profession. I feel like I must apologize on their behalfs, or at least on the behalf of awesome teachers like me and jeandayfriday who would most definitely share our stash. As for understanding the link between educators and alcohol, I will be taking up that topic in my blog later this week. It iis an important phenomenon that needs explanation. Perhaps I can get jeanday to co-author with me since we have shared many a bottle of wine together. Even better, we may write it AFTER sharing a bottle of wine.

  25. Gillian Colbert says:

    You have more patience than me, I couldn’t do it …

  26. The image of the wooly mamoth tossing walmart bags at his wife had me roaring …once I stopped laughing at the line re: your medication working all day !!!!!
    Oh, every teacher I know drinks wine, cant say I blame them…..

  27. Always knew that Bill Cosby guy was a great fella… !
    That Convention Centre had better have been built real strong… with all those superhero muscles in there (plus all those comic characters) it sure is gonna rock…. !

  28. Val says:

    I think Dr Huxtable would have tipped $30 at least, but the twenty was sweet nonetheless!

  29. aFrankAngle says:

    Endless stream of stories is good … happy endings priceless. … this story, $20.

  30. Fire trucking! So funny. And how nice of that gentleman to come give you a big tip. I would’ve said I was coming back when I had some cash, though. Instead of making you wonder what the heck.

  31. The Hobbler says:

    Guess it is better for the teachers to drink in the hotel instead of the classroom. Teachers have to deal with almost as much drama at work as you do Hook (although hopefully they don’t see as many prostitutes as you do).

  32. fivereflections says:

    “fire truck”
    what a riot!

  33. TBM says:

    I’ll never see fire trucks the same way.

  34. mimo says:

    hilarious!! I love this blog! Thanks for visiting mine to bring me here! I will save your posts for my morning coffee reading… so cool!

  35. Smaktakula says:

    How can anyone remain unmoved by Canadian humor? After beer and hockey, it’s what you’re known for.

  36. Stone-cold fire truckin’ yo! 🙂

  37. Yatin says:

    Reading your stories so far, I reckon nobody can mess with hook and getaway easily. So did the fire trukin doorman (as other bellman would address) ever receive his deserved dues from the hook?

  38. nymuse88 says:

    HAHA! I love your observations of people and seeing a side of your life. They make the best stories 🙂 Can’t wait to read more!

  39. spicegirlfla says:

    Interesting…And to think those teachers are molding our children!

  40. Androgoth says:

    Happy Birthday to your VampireLover Hook…
    Keep biting her neck after midnight and…

    Well you know? 🙂 lol
    Have a great day on the morrow…


  41. Theasaurus says:

    Maybe you could make an educational video on appropriate tipping behaviour. Once those teachers have watched it a gazillion times over in their classes, they’ll have no excuse!

  42. Ipodman says:

    The only thing that caught my attention: COMIC CON!?

  43. munchow says:

    You have already found out (maybe), but to make it formal: I want to tell you that I have nominated you for the Hug Award, because your are such an inspiration for the whole blog sphere. For more info about the nomination, have a look at my post 15 Great Blogs.

  44. Lafemmeroar says:

    Love reading about your fire trucking misadventures!

  45. greatgreths says:

    fire truckin’ funny! 🙂

  46. ConnieMaria says:

    Woolly mammoth – HAHAHAHA. laughing my ass off here!

  47. Pingback: The Hook Misses All The Good Stuff! | You've Been Hooked!

  48. Pingback: Travel Tips, ‘Cons, and Fun With Moms And Dads! | You've Been Hooked!

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