So is The Hook Rich or What?

As you can see, I still haven’t mastered the art of the title!

A lot of people – including my fellow employees – think bellmen make mega-bucks.

I’m afraid not.

While we have our good days, the road is not paved with gold flakes; far from it. Don’t get me wrong, while I make more than my friends in Housekeeping – who literally have to clean up people’s garbage – I’m not swimming in American dollars. Here’s a brief look at a typical winter day for The Hook.

CALL #1:

A fat guy, his three ugly kids and his goofy wife! Need I say more?

TIP: $2 American.

CALL #2:

A young couple. Clueless, but nice. They meant well, which I suppose counts for something. Nothing too out of the ordinary – for once!

TIP: $4.65 Canadian.

And these were nice people, remember! Unfortunately, good intentions are not an accepted form of currency at my local financial institution.

CALL #3:

More young people. A  rapper-wannabe and his prostitute-wannabe concubine! I suppose I can understand why a young lady would want to appear “whore-like” in public – it  does drive young, already-horny guys even wilder –  but why do white guys feel compelled to emulate a group of people who would smoke them in an instant if they could?

What’s wrong with young people today? And when did I start asking “old man” questions?


But I have a tip for them…

HOOK’S TRAVEL TIPS: If you plan on stiffing the bellman… don’t ask for him for directions after doing so! You may not like where you wind up….

CALL #4:

More rude, messy, horny young people  (Who is raising these douchebags?) and their shoes and paper bags. Oh, and alcohol, can’t forget the booze, can we?


CALL #5:

A poker tournament brought my next guest to my doorstep. Gamblers are either “AWESOME!” or “TERRIBLE!”. They tend to have a lot of computer equipment, as this guy did. He was an exception in other ways, though; quiet, clean and a middle-of-the-road tipper.

TIP: $7 Canadian.


Older Asians with a minor mastery of English are usually quite friendly – and grateful! These folks were typical and they made me smile. What more could I ask?

TIP: $5 Canadian.                              

How does my day look so far?

CALL #7:

Another gambler with a PC – they must be for online components of these tournaments – and a quiet demeanor. At least the rude couples were leaving me alone.

TIP: $5.

CALL #8:

Pardon my French, but this guy was an asshole who thought he was a superstar! He kept calling me boss, he treated his “weekend girlfriend” with no dignity whatsoever, and he drove in the wrong direction when he pulled his car up.

A real winner in every way.

TIP: Do you even have to ask?

So that was my day! And in case you’re wondering, I still haven’t taken up drinking or recreational drugs! But I’m still young..ish, there’s still time….


Niagara Falls Comic-Con 2012

June 9. 2012 10 A.M – 7 P.M.
Scotiabank Convention Centre
Niagara Falls. Ontario. Canada

For full details, click here, fan boys and girls!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Comic Books, Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

104 Responses to So is The Hook Rich or What?

  1. Little Miss says:

    On the plus side, you might have been able to afford drink and drugs if the assholes tipped you…. It’s better for your health this way 😉

  2. iamnotshe says:

    Living large, Hook. Clean of cash, booze, drugs. Clean as a whistle. After call #1 i thought, Damn i’m a great little traveler! I got it goin’ on. I tip, i’m not a fat man with three kids! I rock!!!

  3. eva626 says:

    I always tell my sister your amusing stories as a bellman..and she always asks “how does he have time to blog? is he rich????”
    I always thought you were….at least in your posts! LOL

    I so want to go to the comic-con!!!!

  4. Wow, what a day! Lousy tips and douchebags … had my fair share at the fallsview!

  5. El Guapo says:

    Wait – So where did you send Grandmaster Potatohead?

  6. Woman says:

    YAY!!! Comicon!!! Will we be getting pictures???

  7. Cameron says:

    Before I turned to the zero-profit unemployed ex-nanny/writer racket, I was a hotel pastry cook. I only knew one of the bellmen, but I did know the breakfast waiters in the café, and I feel like they could have written this post, too.

    And thanks for the flurry of comments the other day. Glad you enjoyed your visit.

  8. twindaddy says:

    “And in case you’re wondering, I still haven’t taken up drinking or recreational drugs!”

    Can you afford to with tips like that?

  9. muddledmom says:

    People probably don’t even know they’re supposed to tip anymore or how much. Or maybe they’re saving up for their booze and drugs.

    • The Hook says:

      How can people not know they’re supposed to tip? Have they not seen a TV show, a movie or read a book in the last fifty years?
      Or been in a restaurant?

  10. TBM says:

    I love the guy who didn’t tip and then asked for directions. No common sense!

  11. So where did you direct the little idiots?

  12. Oh, you’re rich my blogging friend…rich in stories…

    Lucky, lucky you!


  13. aFrankAngle says:

    I guess this means the best part of your job is an endless stream of blog material – and many to drink & eat in Canada.

  14. countoncross says:

    With your job and having to deal with all the strange people…..It is a good think you are not rich, beccause you would be a user for sure. Maybe your guests are not tipping you to save you from yourself…….huh that’s a thought! NOT.

  15. So… where did you give directions to?? Just curious:) Hmmm.. who and what was your best tip ever?? (or is that “whom” I never know)

  16. nicole marie story says:

    even poor bulimic objectivist venture capitalistic girls tip the bellman well . . . i always did. 😉

    and still do.

    but here’s my theory: if one works in a service job, one shouldn’t complain about the lack of tips because one knows that’s a condition of that particular employment. my biggest pet peeve is when a coffee shop barista bitches. i refuse to pay someone to pour my coffee, especially when i’m walking to the counter to fetch it. x

  17. 4.65! Who gives change as a tip? That’s just nonsense.

  18. susielindau says:

    Stiffing the bellman and then asking questions is like sending food back into the kitchen…Too funny!!

  19. littlesundog says:

    Yeah, I’m with Derek…. what’s up with the change part of the tip? Was it pocket change or something? Weeeeeeird!

  20. LOL @ Hook’s travel tip 🙂

  21. Lily says:

    I find it so cheap when people don’t tip at all!
    My dad is a classic over-tipped. Like, if someone opens a door for him, they’ll get a tip. I’m sure they like it, but it’s so embarrassing sometimes! hah

  22. jumpingpolarbear says:

    Keep your head up buddy and avoid the drugs. Dont get “hooked” on something bad 🙂

  23. jumpingpolarbear says:

    The pun was intended, but not the hurt.

  24. Smaktakula says:

    Great post! Glad you’re leaving open the possibility of one day turning your life over to drink or to recreational drugs. It’s good to keep your options open!

  25. Yatin says:

    Do people report tip income on tax returns? there might be a silver lining there 😉

  26. Here’s hoping for a better tomorrow! 🙂

  27. The Hobbler says:

    Not that I am recommending anything…but I suppose some people might start being a pimp or having a secret stash of alcohol that they could distribute for ridiculous profits to certain hotel visitors…

  28. Why do people feel they can snub those in position of knowledge and power? I know, cuz they dont realize who has the real knowledge and power (of their food, luggage, what they’re up to in general….) !!!
    I feel for ya – I waited tables thru school and here & there & actually loved the job….it was the ‘relying on tips’ that did me in. But I speak for many who are grateful for the entertainment you provide !

  29. From what I can tell, you’re crazy wealthy in the most important ways. Lots of most important work brings in little, if any, cash straight away. I’m telling you. Once Hollywood gets a hand on your blog, look out!

  30. Jo Bryant says:

    What’s wrong with young people today? And when did I start asking “old man” questions?
    Two questions I ask myself all the time…so does that mean I am old as well ??
    Now to the important stuff…BURT friggin WARD…please take a picture, please, please, please…I mean…Holy oleos Batman !!! Tell me you are going to see this guy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Okay…take a breath Jo…I could only get more excited if it were…well you know who I am talking about. But I love Robin/Burt Ward…sigh.

  31. munchow says:

    I believe you are rich. On life experience. On life. Not necessarily on gold flakes. But what is more important in life? Yes, I know, doesn’t pay your bills…

  32. And you actually LIVE on that kind of money?

  33. hotelnerd says:

    It’s slightly different at the resort I worked at (where we had bellmen). During the summer/high season most of the bellmen cleaned up, between automatic gratuities/porterage from groups, and high occupancy levels, they usually made more then most all the other salary employees except the fine dinning waiters and bartenders. The winter/low season was a different story though, then they were starving. At the end of the year the Front Desk Agents and Bellman probably made close to the same in gross income. They might have come out a little bit ahead in net income because 99.99% of them under reported their tips for taxes.

  34. I don’t understand why people will accept service from anyone and then stiff them. What are they thinking?!

  35. Tony McGurk says:

    I don’t get the young white rapper wannabe’s either. I must admit I’m not really sure exactly what a Bellman does but it sounds like you have to deal with some real morons.

    • The Hook says:

      I carry luggage for some real morons!

      • Tony McGurk says:

        It could be worse. If you were a cab driver you’de have to put up with them in a cab for extended periods of time. I considered a job as a cabbie once but then thought of having to put up with driving drunks & other morons that I wouldn’t wanna be stuck in a cab with & decided to give it a miss.

      • The Hook says:

        I could never drive a cab – for all the reasons you mentioned!

  36. mizqui says:

    I like the way you “call them out”. Hillarious. Though It does keeps each of us on our BETTER tipping toes. lol! I love to tip. Though because I’ll be thinking of you during my next hotel stay – the next bellman is going to make a killing. )))HUGS((( I’ll only wish that he had a blog. lol!

    I’m still HOOK’ed baby!

  37. Do mental blog tips count as well? For ‘inner richness’?
    (Inner richness is often used to mask the fact that you NEED money for food and stuff.)

  38. The Guat says:

    Never knew you met so many gamblers…I hope you meet the one that hits it big that way you can get a real tip 😉 Love how #3 asked you for directions after they stiffed you…classic teenagers … clueless. Where did they end up? 😉

  39. Seems to me Hook; there’s an excuse for ‘overseas’ visitors who may not be up on the tipping policies in other countries (well, a little bit of an excuse 😉 ) however, what’s up with US citz not tipping…. seems absolutely unpardonable to me… just an Aussie girl’s 2 cents worth… !

  40. TheJackB says:

    I love the comment about not asking for directions after you have stiffed the bellman. I knew there was a reason I keep a GPS in the car. 😉

  41. sonsothunder says:

    Sad global economy hitting us all below the belt.

  42. Val says:

    Be strong, ComicCon will treat you right!

  43. mj monaghan says:

    My apologies for ugly Americans acting ugly everywhere!

  44. Millie Ho says:

    I do envy you for having point-of-contact with so much variety on a daily basis! Please blog more about these experiences.

  45. kewsmith says:

    Hook’s Travel Tip – priceless.

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