“Fat, Drunk And Stupid is No Way To Go Through Life, Miss…”

It is 12:42 PM on Friday, January 20.

At this moment I deeply regret my decision to don a bellman’s uniform and serve the public. To say the least.

At 12:05 PM I went to a room to help a family bring their bags to their truck; nothing unusual about that, right? I’m sure you’ve figured out by now that things rarely go as planned where I’m concerned.

  • A sick, screaming baby went unattended – the entire time.
  • The four-year-old son was hopped up on a mixture of Red Bull, cocaine and lord knows what else!
  • The Dad refused to help at all.
  • Grandpa was legally blind and so he just sat there wondering where his life went wrong, I’m guessing.
  • The Mom was understandably bewildered but my sympathy ends there.

This doorknob refused to start her truck to warm up her sick child. Instead, she let her baby freeze while we took fifteen minutes to load all her crap up. In the meantime, her son ran off and was nowhere to be found – when she finally thought to look for him!

The Hook found him but did this stupid broad give a damn?

You know the answer, folks.

Nothing in my life is more precious than my daughter, but not everyone feels the same – to say the least. I waited patiently while she waited for her husband and grandpa to come down from the room, but the wait was in vain. Yes, I get paid to do my job, but I deliberately get a ridiculously low wage because management knows I’m in a gratuitous position and I receive tips to offset my wage.

In theory.

By the way, our title comes from the comedy classic, Animal House and I desperately wanted to paraphrase it and apply it to my neglectful mother. But alas, I can only bite my tongue and reserve my comments for the blogosphere.

Ain’t life grand?


Since they were such a big hit – and to lighten the mood – here are a few more shots of “Comic Characters Gone Wild!”





About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

82 Responses to “Fat, Drunk And Stupid is No Way To Go Through Life, Miss…”

  1. Isn’t this a “normal” day in your job….LOL!!!

  2. I’m afraid I could never do your job- I would have been opening my big mouth! “Don’t you want to start your truck and get the heater going? Don’t you want to find your 4-yr-old before he’s the next episode of Nancy Grace?” Yeah, I’m definitely not cut out for public service. I once worked as a waitress and although the didn’t fire, they did encourage me to stay in school! “Your sarcasm is possibly holding you back from reaching your full tip potential…” I just hate bite marks on my tongue!

  3. mairedubhtx says:

    It’s terrible to see the way some people treat their children. No wonder kids grow up bad. All they want is a little attention.

  4. Why is it that crazy people feel the need to stay at hotels when we keep building them those nice asylums?

  5. Some people just aren’t parenting material. Ridiculous.

  6. breezyk says:

    Ugh I hate when stuff like this happens- I recently saw a woman holding her young (5-6 year old) daughter on one hip, while furiously puffing on a cigarette and blowing it in the kid’s face… I wanted to slap that b*tch

  7. The Hobbler says:

    I nominated you for the “One Lovely Blog Award”. I’m not a stalker though…really…I just like your blog. http://wp.me/p1Cvgh-zc

  8. twindaddy says:

    It would be a huge infringement upon our freedoms, but there should be a parenting test. If you fail you get sterilized. Children born to parents such as the ones you describe above will undoubtedly negatively impact society when they’re adults, whether it be criminal behavior or living on welfare or otherwise. They will be horrible parents to boot, and thus continue the cycle.

    Sure it’s harsh, but it would greatly benefit society as a whole. Oh, well. It’ll never happen anyway…

  9. iamnotshe says:

    THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME LAUGH! I apologize for all of humanity! 😉

  10. Jo Bryant says:

    Rather than sterilise i’d like to stitch the bits up so nothing works…

  11. littlesundog says:

    I always get a visual of the situation reading your posts. I wouldn’t last a day with your work… are there woods nearby? I’d go running off to the woods screaming!

  12. granny1947 says:

    The mother aught to be shot.
    And I am stalking you!

  13. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    This is hard to read, as one whose son is her greatest light. I applaud your restraint in not offering well deserved kicks to the junk.

  14. Raven of Leyla says:

    It is rough out there in the trenches Hook and you put up with such inconsiderate humans. I have to wonder where their kinda human genes went.
    Hope you enjoy the weekend with love and laughter,

  15. susielindau says:

    Holy dominatrix Batman, I mean Hook!
    At first I wasn’t sure how a doorknob could start a car and then I realized “who” the doorknob was!

  16. That’s just awful. Some people are unbelievably dysfunctional but what do you do! A Nigerian friend of mine told me that in his village people’s kids just go to live with whoever they like best, if they’ll take them (and they often do). The parents don’t mind (more time for nooky?). Kids kind of belong to ‘the village’ not the parents. So he says.

  17. I am a big believer that just because a person is capable of having children doesnt mean they should…..it amazes me that natural selection hasnt figured out a way to weed out these people yet!

  18. Theasaurus says:

    Okay – those final images were completely random and unexpected. But I guess you have to somehow entertain yourself in the quiet times, right?

  19. jakesprinter says:

    Well,well,well I almost missed this post I`m a avid fan of Batgirl you know…
    Great post my friend 🙂

  20. Some mother’s do ‘ave ’em… and they re-produce as well… Like your happy distraction at the end… ‘specially Batman ‘hard’ at work there, lol 🙂

  21. Woman says:

    Gawd zooks Batman!!!! You know, I’ve never actually watched a Batman parody. I think after seeing these pictures I must. But I’ll be sure to have the tissues from the laughter near by!!!

  22. iamnotshe says:

    Award time Monsieur Hook. You get to spread the 7 X 7 Award. You’ve been duly tagged and nominated for this Link award. Give us your best 7 X 7! http://iamnotshe.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/the-7-x-7-link-award-thanks-to-jen/ Melissa

  23. sonsothunder says:

    Heh, this was sad. But, yes, the final pics sort of lightened the mood…I wrote something for you. Hope it helps lighten your mood as well.
    Bless You

  24. Yatin says:

    Economy is hurting every one, it’s obviously affecting services. You are a good employee and a good Dad.

  25. munchow says:

    Cheer up my friend, it can always get worse. Wouldn’t it be nice if the tips were to be handed it out beforehand and the service could be adjusted accordingly? I mean as a good custom… Then you could even make it quite clear what you thought about this neglectful lady. Or maybe your boss wouldn’t appreciate that so much…

  26. Androgoth says:

    I rather like those graphics at the end of your posting,
    which sort of gives one a nice insight of how your inner
    wickedness works…

    As they say, all work and no play makes even that Superhero
    Batman dull, well not for too long judging by those graphics 🙂

    There is nothing
    like a good Paint job 🙂


  27. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Red Bull & cocaine – just imagining it makes me laugh!!

    Yes, well, thank goodness for the blogosphere then!

  28. Tammy says:

    You have amazing patience.

  29. I seriously don’t know how you do it. I would probably get locked up for assault my first night on the job.

  30. Smaktakula says:

    My young children enjoy the occasional Red Bull and cocaine cocktail. Don’t be so judgmental!

  31. Bob Lee says:

    OMG, I was just wondering,after you found the kid on Red Bull, loaded all their crap into whatever kind of trunk, and probably walked blind gramps out, did they even give you a tip, never mind a thank you?

  32. giselzitrone says:

    Ja Ja lieber Hook die Welt ist hart oder?Grüsse dich lieb und wünsche dir einen schönen Tag lieber Gruss an dich Gislinde.http://zitroneblog.wordpress.com

  33. gossipgenie says:

    So funny! Glad I found your blog through you liking mine – excited to follow!

  34. jumpingpolarbear says:

    I always believed that Robin was gay 🙂

  35. orples says:

    The mother in this instance doesn’t sound like she deserves the blessing of having children. So sad for the baby’s sake.

  36. ernestwhile says:

    You are correct. That was exactly what I was thinking: Where did I go wrong?
    I am sorry. I intended to tip you but I kept reaching into my colostomy bag instead of my pocket.

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