The Hook Is An Army Of One…

 HOOK’S NOTE: Staffing levels are decimated during this time of the year, so there are only two of us on during the day – except when one of us calls in sick. Then The Hook is an army of one. Thank God it’s deader than Sarah Palin’s chances of obtaining that Mensa membership, right? 

To a bellman, the dying of the summer flame signals the winter of discontent.

Big time.

This time of the year suuuucks. No doubt about it. The crowds thin out – for five days a week at least – and the lobby gets cold. Again, to say the least. Bored, cold and poor is no way to go through the winter. If I was single and – much younger – I’d move to Nevada and work as a bellman in a brothel.

Yes, I realize people who visit brothels don’t have luggage. Don’t ruin this for me!

I’ve been at work for two hours and I’ve yet to do a single call. Sure the numbers are against me, but COME ON, FATE! Throw me a frickin’ bone here, will ya?

  • 8 – 9 A.M. – No calls. 1 bag for storage. 1 key delivery for Front Desk.
  • 9 – 10 A.M. No calls. No storage. No hope.
  • 10 – 11 A.M. – No calls. No amateur porn stars.
  • 11 – 12 P.M. – A call! And they were nice!
  • 12 – 12:05 P.M. – Delivered an envelope for which I was compensated
  • 12:10 – 12:123 P.M. – Delivered assorted crap to a meeting room for two ditzy corporate broads  for which was I most definitely not compensated!
  • 12:24 – 12;30 P.M. – I re-examined my entire life…
  • 12:31 – 12:47 P.M.: – Another call! An Asian family that kept counting the number of bags on their cart, and getting it wrong! They took forever to pay their African-American cabbie and get checked-in, but they tipped well after sending me on a wild goose chase for boxes and packing tape!
  • 12:50 P.M. – A woman approaches my desk, “Hi! I’m – and I have a big box!” The statement hung there for a moment and then she began to giggle before completely losing it! She had a large package in our back room but it took a few minutes to pry that info from her after the “big box” incident.
  • 12:51 – 2 P.M. – “Ghost Lobby” – again! Just shoot me…
  • 2:00 – 3 P.M. – More Asians. The Dad spoke a little English, but of course he took off to park the car. Left in charge of his family I did the only thing I could; took them to the room and taught them some phrases in English. “You rock, Hook!” and “Eddie is a douchebag!” – it’s funny if you know Eddie – are hilarious when spoken by a family of Asians with thick accents!
  • 3:01 P.M – Shift change! A second bellman has arrived! The Hook’s tour of duty as an army of one is over!


I’ve made some changes to my normal convention plans this year: The Hook, Vampirelover and daughter will ony be attending Wizard World Toronto this year. Even fanboys have to tighten their utility belts sometimes!

The good news – for VampireLover at least – is a recent addition to the line-up. Namely, this guy…


 We’ll be attending Wizard World Toronto on April 14. It is January 24, as of this writing. That means I have to listen to “I can’t believe I’m going to see Stefan!” over and over and over….


I’m sure Mr. Wesley – his real name is Wasilewski but he claims it’s too hard to pronounce, hence the change – is a nice guy, but it’s bad enough we have more than one poster of his mug in our bedroom; now I have to see him in person?

On the other hand, this is the first time VampireLover has actually beeen turned on by the prospect of attending a con – or “geekfest” as she lovingly refers to them – so I can’t complain too much, can I? Then again, 81 days is a long time…

On the other hand, there’s something for the whole family this year. For our lovely daughter…

Being Human Cast Coming to Toronto Comic Con!



And for yours truly, there are millions of comics, t-shirts – you can never have too many superhero Ts – and this lovely specimen of sci-fi goodness…


 Unfortunately April 14 is 81 days away so that means I have to suffer through “I can’t believe I’m going to see Stefan!” AND months of cheap, drunken, horny guests before I get to indulge the fanboy deep inside.

In the meantime, take care of yourselves, okay?

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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124 Responses to The Hook Is An Army Of One…

  1. melsar93 says:

    I think I could deal with all that stuff if it meant seeing Jeri Ryan at the end of it.

  2. Gillian Colbert says:

    I just discovered Being Human last Monday when I was home sick. Syfy did a season 1 marathon …. Love it!!!!

  3. Jeri Ryan is friends with my IRL friend on Twitter. He tried to introduce her to my blog. She said she smiled. That is all.

  4. raisingdaisy says:

    LOL And the countdown begins!!

    VampireLover is lucky you have a good sense of humor! 😉

  5. susielindau says:

    81 days is a loooonnnnggg time. Hang in there Hook…

  6. I’ve heard folks dress up for these ‘cons’ what is VampireLover planning to wear???

  7. You managed to re-examine your entire life in 6 minutes. This time of year sure makes you dig deep, huh? I hope thing pick up for you. Working when there is nothing to do is the definition of boredom.

  8. Love the 12.50 woman – that would be me, putting my foot in it before dissolving into laughter, (we don’t use the term box so much here as other words, so everytime I read it I have to re-read..) and the Asians at 2pm… thick accents are the best when you want them to say funny things.

  9. Sorry about the ditzy corporate broads being so rude when you delivered all the meeting materials. (actually the “ditzy” was probably done so you would “excuse” their “lapse” – giggle giggle) UGH. Bellmen are a meeting/training coordinator’s best friends. To abuse them is to assure that there will not be quick help if there are problems with the internet connection, temperature, lighting, and the thousand other things that can and will go wrong…. Sorry about the stupids.
    But on the other hand, it’s only 81 days!

  10. freechick says:

    Being Human…is that a spin-off from our (no doubt better) BBC version? A ghost, vampire and werewolf?

  11. It only took you six minutes to examine your life? That’s sad.

    And as a heterosexual female but HUGE Star Trek fan, I’d rather see Jeri Ryan than some random dude any day. Hope she doesn’t stand you up like Michael Dorn stood us up!

  12. The Hobbler says:

    Sorry Hook…I’ll try to send some crazy people your way so you have something to write about. Oh, did you hear about the Canadians running for president? That might be interesting.

  13. vedekdrew says:

    All I saw was Seven of Nine tertiary adjunct of Unimatrix 01. 🙂

  14. iamnotshe says:

    OK, i couldn’t stop laughing after the Sarah Palin thingy. I’m hooked! Call me Mensa Mel. GIve Sarah a gun, and run for your life! 12:24 – 12:30 — come on hook!

    As bored as you may be, once again i’m entertained by your banter with guests at Hotel Hook. 🙂

  15. ConnieMaria says:

    Lol you crack me up! Great blog post!!! I’m sure you’ll make it through those 81 days with noooo problem. 🙂

  16. The “big box” story reminds me of an incident I heard about a few years ago at the factory I worked at. A young, cute woman was sitting on the floor wiring a sign, noticed a rip in her jeans, and said to a co-worker: “I’ve got a great big hole between my legs!”

  17. Your job would be just great for someone planning to write a novel involving human quirks and frailties! You know what, I don’t think we have ‘bellboys’ here in Oz. And, we don’t usually tip (maybe that’s why). Or, call a twat (?) a ‘box’. Apart from being brilliant and funny, you’re also a great source of new words.

  18. mj monaghan says:

    Slow day my friend. Better days are ahead. I hear the thaw of winter coming soon.

  19. Yatin says:

    Nothing is perfect in life my friend. And I have bunch of complainers in team who keeps whining about work (more of it). Glad to see you find humor out of it,

  20. preachersdaughter69 says:

    Now if it was Damon and not Stefan, then I’d be excited. 😉 Other than that, Seven of Nine is definitely worth seeing.

  21. Caroline says:

    Yeesh, sorry it’s so dead there. Wish I could take some vacation days off work and I’d come visit, ha!

  22. El Guapo says:

    Something for the whole family to look forward to while you struggle through the winter doldrums.
    Hang in there, Hook – better days ahead…

  23. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    I’ll take care of myself, all right.

    And I’ll keep on giggling at your intro in italics. MENSA, indeed!

    Thanks for keeping me smiling. For smiling yourself, if I’m reading properly between the lines. 🙂

  24. Yeah, your 12:24 – 12:30 … I do that a lot! Also the big box comment was priceless! :). Even your slow and monotonous days are entertaining and enjoyable to read about! 🙂

  25. Rarrr Stefan. But what about Damon?! I have the hots a little more for him.

  26. Maybe you should get a Stefan costume, wear it around the house for the next 81 days. Have fun.

  27. Oh, my goodness you’ve had a lousy day, but as luck would have it… you have something to look forward to:) I loved the lady with the Big Box, it made me dissolve into laughter as well!

  28. Woman says:

    Is it just me? But there is a patch on Jeri’s breast.

    But I am glad Mrs The Hook is excited about April 14!!!!

  29. TBM says:

    81 days…or is it 80 now?

  30. sonsothunder says:

    What, no Comicon? this year…or, whatever it’s called…

  31. granny1947 says:

    Six minutes to review your entire life?????
    You are either a very fast thinker or you haven’t had a life….or….you are two years old!

    • The Hook says:

      People are pretty hung up on this six minutes! It wasn’t an in-depth analysis of every event in my life thus far; just a quick “Previously on You’ve Been Hooked”!

  32. littlesundog says:

    All of that idle time you’re suffering through makes me glad I have a deer to follow around these winter days…

  33. Raven of Leyla says:

    “12:24 – 12;30 P.M. – I re-examined my entire life… ” LMAO you must be very young!!!
    I must say I enjoy your humor and style of writing. I am definetly “HOOKED”

  34. mcqty says:

    Love me some Almost Human right before The Lost girl…great night in front of the tube!! 6 mins for your whole life huh? Was that the cliff-notes version? I’m sure you will all have a great time and your girls will be thrilled. Love the lady with the big box… I totally would of busted up laughing too. Thick accents are fun, unless you can’t understand a word they are saying no matter how many times they repeat themselves – now that’s frustrating ! Hope those 81 days fly by for you guys !

  35. Anita Mac says:

    Hang in there Hook!!! It can only go up from here!!!! At least there was a good laugh over the “package”!!!

  36. You know, Jeri Ryan is on Body of Proof and looks incredibly corporate sexy.

  37. Jo Bryant says:

    I prefer brother Damon – I really tried to stay away from the Vampire Dairies – but man, I am just as hooked as the rest of the silly squealy women…still – they are NOT A PATCH on TB’s over at Supernatural…

  38. The bell hop in the brothel… Sounds like a book waiting to happen. 😉

  39. Hey…. Surely (with a man such as you) ‘one’ is enough….. Isn’t that so, VampireLover?

  40. bmj2k says:

    I’m not sure, but you having a package in your back room might be as bad as her having a big box. Or worse.

  41. Barb says:

    Okay…I’m still wondering what someone as creative as you does to pass through those ghost hours in the lobby? Can you write a Pulitzer in your down time? New inventions for Apple? Work on that VampireLover costume?

  42. Val says:

    Thanks for the memories… of Seven of Nine that is!

  43. jennygoth says:

    hello mr hook hope your weekend goes well lots happened while ive been in my sick bed not in my bed literally lol i mean around wordpress xxjen

  44. What a coincidence! I also re-examine my life between 12:24 and 12:30!

    Great post, Hook! 😉

  45. sexuallifeofawife says:

    Love this post – but especially the 6 minutes of re-examining!

  46. In Sarah’s defense (oh, why not) I’m sure she’d be most intelligent if she either had a brain or could just leanr to keep her mouth shut. And as corny as this sounds, its wonderful you have something to do together ! Oh and its only 79 days if you dont count the current day or the day you leave …..unless you’ve already taken that into consideration, just trying to help.

  47. Androgoth says:

    I can see that you have some wicked thoughts going on
    and perhaps Seven of Nine could easily help to boost those
    thoughts, but just watch out for any Klingons as their women
    tend to have rather big… Wait for it Hook 🙂 Rather big teeth
    and you don’t want to risk anything getting snagged on them
    during… Okay get your mind out of the gutter, I was going
    to say snagged on them during… Right I must dash off next
    but I am sure that you can fill in the gaps on this comment 🙂

    Watch Those teeth Now 😉 lol

    As usual this was an excellent read my fine friend 🙂


  48. timkeen40 says:

    Thanks to a semi-situation in the life of me and that of my family this humor of yours has taken on a whole new meaning to me. But really? No calls and no amateur porn stars is a situation that is worthy of note? You live a very interesting life, Mr. Hook.
    Keep up the great posts.

  49. Jack says:

    Wizard World sounds like it could be all sorts of fun. I have never been to one of those conventions but I think I might like to change that in the future.

  50. giselzitrone says:

    Hallo Hook ich glaube ich mus mein Leben auch brüfen.Wünsche dir euf jeden Fall ein schönes weekend lieber Gruss Gislinde.

  51. Jeanne Heuer says:

    Get a lot of reading in this time of year?

  52. Pingback: The Hook Balances The Scales – A Little! | You've Been Hooked!

  53. munchow says:

    Alwas look at the bright side of life…. Be glad you are not working in one those special hotels we have in northern Scandinavia. They are built by ice – in winter time of course – for those who seek out something very special. Imagine being a bellman there – if indeed they employ any bellmenn at all. Then you would only work during your favourite winter time, and you don’t even have a hotel to go to during the summer.

  54. When it’s as quiet as that do you ever get the feeling that you’re Jack Nicholson in “The Shining”. You should start bouncing baseballs against the wall. 🙂

  55. orples says:

    LOL, I hope your ‘fanboy’ finds satisfaction for your long wait. You sense of humor is refreshing.

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