Cue The Cheesy Music…

People bring all kinds of things with them when they travel.

Believe me.

Over the years I’ve seen..

  • A buck strapped to the top of a pick-up truck with a camper – parked outside the kitchen entrance of a Denny’s.
  • Polished antlers. That was a fun call!
  • Goldfish – the tank was in a cardboard box.
  • What may or may not have been a human body stuffed into a hockey bag. Seriously.

This particular tale does not involve dismembered animals or possible homicides but it does culminate with primitive, animalistic behavior and acts some puritanical folks  consider criminal.

When asked “Are you here for business or pleasure?” one particular blond – blessed with a tight butt and ridiculously ginormous fake boobs – offered a very original answer.

“I’m here for a porno shoot!”

So her trip was a combination of business and pleasure, I guess..

This girl even had a porno name! Obviously I can’t repeat it, but I kid you not, she was born to be some sort of sex worker. Her luggage consisted of…

  • One suitcase.
  • One set of construction-grade flood lights.
  • Two boxes of sex toys that would make Woman blush!

In case you’re wondering, I would never normally peek at a guest’s personal effects but this chick’s box was wide open!

Wait, that didn’t sound right at all…

Then again, maybe it did.

Why couldn’t she have packed an outfit like this?

Tori Black as Catwoman (who else?) in Batman XXX

 

Truth is, people feel liberated on vacation and their behavior reflects that lack of inhibition.

  • A cougar once made the following request of one of our security officers: “I want to pleasure you while my husband watches. Don’t worry, I’m prepared to pay you!”
  • I once had to respond to a noise complaint in the middle of the night; I don’t know what this guy was doing to this girl, but he was doing it all wrong! His sexual style resulted in screams not normally associated with carnal activity. Amateurs.
  • A malfunctioning smoke detector prompted the following phone call to the Front Desk, “Yeah, what’s goin’ on here? my lady and I are tryin’ to bust it!”

Fortunately, the philosophy of “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” doesn’t apply everywhere! Lucky for all of us, right?

Alexis Texas as Molly ( seriously!) in Batman XXX

Why is this here? She looks like she's in a hotel bar, so let's go with that...

In closing, since I’m already going to catch hell from VampireLover anyway, I might as well go for broke and stick to our theme while continuing to indulge the fanboy beneath the bellman/blogger exterior…

Lexi Belle as Batgirl in Batman XXX

 

UPDATE:

It’s 12:48 pm on Sunday and guess who I just served? The room was trashed – various empty boxes and wrappers littered the landscape – but the boxes were still pretty full. There was an empty tube of anal lube – it was full when she checked-in – on the bed and my young guest looked worse for the wear.

She was very confused but pleasant, not to mention courteous. She tipped me $4.65 for my efforts. I suspect she received much more for hers

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

119 Responses to Cue The Cheesy Music…

  1. mairedubhtx says:

    That was an interesting post!

  2. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    This chick’s box was right open – was great! 🙂 Loved it.

    I’d LOVE to know though – do you actually like fake boobs/do men I mean (not YOU Hook, unless you want to say). I just imagine that when you’re touching them & you feel a gel pack underneath the flesh, surely that turns you off? It would me. If I were to fuck a girl, I would definitely like to be able to feel her womanly form without hard or squishy things underneath her flesh. Just saying. I think I know your answer, but just saying.

    Your job is amazing – or you make it amazing, actually, because you’re so aware – and I do agree people have WAY less inhibition while travelling.

  3. I once checked into a hotel and as I dropped my bag to the floor my beard-trimmer set itself off a-buzzing. The lady receptionist heard the noise and gave me her “Beard-trimmer ? They all say that” look. I decided it was best just to go with the flow. You know, too much protestation and…..well, you get it.

  4. wherethedaytakesme says:

    Too funny.

  5. Great post. Somehow the only surprise is that she had to bring her own lights. And thanks for the link to the “woman” site–her intro or whatever gave me a huge laugh. Unlike her, I don’t think very many of us touch ourselves for world peace, but I suppose that’s a nice thought.

  6. Lily says:

    So funny. I love how the idea of whats normal is so different for some people. I wonder if porn-lady gets a lot of stares and just likes the attention, and then when she starts to go unnoticed, she leaves her box of..treats..wide open just to get glares again.

  7. Ana Trofin says:

    Thank you for making me laugh 🙂 Glad I decided to take a break just to read your latest post 🙂
    I especially liked the part about how people feel liberated on vacation :))

    Cheers 🙂

  8. That was quite hilarious :). You have a… interesting job. Human beings are so very … special :).

  9. Lol! I also find the ‘stop censorship’ banner on the side ironic given the content of your post…

  10. susielindau says:

    Too funny Hook. Was that YOUR bat costume she is taking off in the last photo??? Hahaha!
    Good luck with VampireLover….

  11. Yatin says:

    Heard it somewhere where the guy (I think comedian) said he will never date a porn star. Well a regular 9 to 5 working girl comes home she complains of feet being tired.
    You trying to compare your tip with hers? 😉

  12. You tell the best stories!

  13. NICE outfit! Two questions though – is anal lube any different from any other lube (like, does it say, anal use only?) and, can you really have sex with a girl in a catsuit? (have you ever tried to get out of a wetsuit in a hurry?)??

    • The Hook says:

      The tube actually said “anal lube”, so I guess there is some sort of difference. Good point about the Catwoman outfit! It’s like lingerie, I guess; visually-pleasing but not exactly practical!

  14. Gillian Colbert says:

    LOL! You just can’t make stuff like that up!

  15. Nice Post, Nice Pict, and nice girls

  16. O.M.G!! The things you see… the tales you tell. And yes, 4.65 is NOT enough!

  17. moon says:

    brought a much needed smile to my face (: thank you ❤

  18. eyeLaugh says:

    Omg! Your job is so interesting. You deal with a lot of characters!

  19. adalamar says:

    Some great outfits! My man and i read this and laughed pretty hard. Those are some great strories. And i agree, $4.65 was not enough!

  20. El Guapo says:

    Damn bat censor.

  21. Woman says:

    LOL!!!!! You never stop cracking me up you know that Mister The Hook???

    I’d never blush at any one’s Toy Trunk. I’d let my eyes grow big and round, ohhh and ahhh then ask questions about ridges, bumps, pin point, flared, anal, vaginal, where do you get such wonderful toys kind of questions… you know me. The more scientific sex toy reviewer’s kind of questions!!!!

    I really do love how you see such strange and amazing and at time batty (ha ha I actually got a bat reference in here!!!) people!!! At times I am envious and wish I could be a fly on the wall!!!!

    w

  22. Sandi Ormsby says:

    and 65cents? What did she do, look through the mattress and sheets? “yup, that’s all we could find. We travel lightly!”

    Sandi
    http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
    Lake Forest, CA USA

  23. My “exciting” day doesn’t seem so exciting anymore! (I side with these being a good thing. 😉

  24. Cindy says:

    And I thought I saw peculiar things at work. Was that buck dead or alive?

  25. TBM says:

    You really do see it all don’t you!

  26. giselzitrone says:

    Die Souvenirs sollte man da lassen wo sie hingehören im eigenen Land.Wünsche dir eine gute Woche und Grüsse dich Herzlich Gislinde. http://zitroneblog.wordpress.com

    • The Hook says:

      Those weren’t souvwenirs, dear lady – they were part of her working environment! A good week and warm greetings to you as well!

  27. littlesundog says:

    Oklahoma seems oh so boring right now… great post!!

  28. raisingdaisy says:

    My guess is that she was confused enough to add 65-cents to your tip because of all the drugs she had to take in order to do the things she had to do while using the lube and other stuff. 😉

  29. Bob Lee says:

    I agree with you, why didn’t she just pack an outfit like that

  30. Ipodman says:

    Batman porn??! I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry…!

    • The Hook says:

      Laugh, definitely! It’s actually an interesting situation; the original TV show costume designers were involved, the animation and music are the same and they even acquired a Batmobile!
      Considering the genre’s usual standards, this really is a masterpiece!

  31. And you manage to stay human with so much humanity….always an adventure here!

  32. jlheuer says:

    I’m just glad you don’t write from the point of view from Housekeeping. Betcha they’ve got stories.

  33. mcqty says:

    Love it, as usual, your job seems to entertain us all. I agree the tip was ridiculous considering the assistance you provided her with her “dedicates” – not that she used them in a delicate manner. I would really hate to be a maid having to clean the room after a night of shenanigans such as hers. When you leave your empty anal lube tube for the maid to pick up, you should also leave the maid a tip on the dresser as well.

    As always, thanks for sharing !!

  34. The Hobbler says:

    You disinfected the change right? I can imagine where that has been.

  35. Jo Bryant says:

    This one was one of your best – hehehe.
    I don’t get the whole ‘watch porn get off’ thing – it is so clinical – give me a scene like Pierce and Rene on the stairs in The Thomas Crown Affair anyday…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05U2tvi6Fk8
    Now that I…well there are no words for that scene…well there are but I won’t use them…

  36. Jo Bryant says:

    Oh dear – i copied that from a draft post that I was going to do on sex in movies and just now found out that youtube have removed it as it violates their policy on nudity and sexual content – are you kidding me !!!!

  37. Holy S&M Batman! VampireLover may not love that last photo, but I have to give you credit, you could have taken this to an entirely lower level – you managed to be as tasteful as one could be with such a subject matter ….

  38. jakesprinter says:

    I really love this character 🙂
    http://wp.me/P1Dwwo-nN

  39. lorrelee1970 says:

    So jealous of your job right now. You really get to be in the realm of characters don’t you? BUT……$4.65? You could have sold her anal lube for more.

  40. I find this all so FASCINATING! You come across the gambit of types of people, don’t you!

  41. greatgreths says:

    What an interesting job! You are funny. 🙂

  42. Jordan Sky says:

    I’m gobsmacked at your adventures at work none the less but hey, why should people care about what they do on holiday when most likely you’ll never see those people again?

    • The Hook says:

      Because our actions have a ripple effect; we have to consider those we’re interacting with or the world will continue to fall into chaos!

  43. I’ve got to say, Hook. I am interested in this post for its anthropological value and for its entertainment value. You have outdone yourself this time and yes, your wife will likely beat you verbally for a few hours over it!

    Very intriguing…

  44. vedekdrew says:

    Another excellent post! And the images, Catwoman, blonde boob lush, and why did I get super excited just seeing the top of Batgirl’s cowl?

    Woman, gets around! 😄

    🙂

    Wait, did she tip you EXACT change? 😊

    • The Hook says:

      I knew the images would appeal to the fanboy in you, Drew! What a adolescent hasn’t watched the original Batman series and thought about the possibility of a XXX version? Television shows amied at a young audience featuring leather-clad young ladies? What were they thinking back in the day?
      And Woman does get around – the ‘net, that is!
      And yes, she gave me exact change!

  45. Raven of Leyla says:

    Oh you slay me!!! LMAO Oh hell, I didn’t even know they made an anal lube…I am gonna quit saying I need a full lube job…to the mechanics, of course!

  46. Anita Mac says:

    Oh my……quite the interesting tales…..

  47. bmj2k says:

    I’m sure that must have been a great post you wrote all around that picture of Catwoman. I’ll let you know if I ever read it. Nice.

  48. I’m certainly in the wrong line of work…. and I thought I had some tales as a substitute teacher!

  49. marjorye says:

    hahahahaah is all i have to say!

  50. Smaktakula says:

    If, on the job, we received an invitation to be pleasured by a cougar, management would NEVER hear about it.

  51. Axel Pliopas says:

    Well!!!! This is not routine… or… if this is routine in your job… it is not a quiet one! 🙂

  52. Awesome writing style!

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