It’s All Quiet On The Western Front…

So what the heck am I going to write about?

Here are the facts:

• Monday was dead. Deader than dead, in fact. Whatever that means.
• Tuesday? Still dead. My colleague and I spent 45 minutes without saying a single word to each other. And no one entered the lobby in all that time!
• Winter in my little “village” – I can refer to it any way I like – is always dead, but this is ridiculous! And that is a fact!

I always refer to the winters in a vast hotel as The Shining brought to life. I know that isn’t fair; Shelley Duvall and her kid had Jack Nicholson and a whole gang of demented spirits to keep them busy!

I usually have a whole gang of douchebags to keep me busy but they appear to be keeping their distance the last few days.

However, I did have a real cool, young couple take my services yesterday.

• They were chatty, but not annoying.
• Good-looking, but not vain. Yes, I can admit a guy is good-looking without feeling uncomfortable in my sexuality. So there!
• They had enough luggage to justify calling me, but not enough to make me work too hard!
• They stayed out-of-the-way and let me do my job when it came to packing their car.
• And finally, they tipped me… well!

Short of paying me in comic books and cash, they were the perfect guests!

In total, I’ve had fewer than ten calls in my two days of work, but at least I’ve steered clear of any potentially explosive situations. There have been a few… interesting folks, shall we say?

• There was the old couple – older than dirt – who wanted a booster seat to enable them to see out the window from the french doors in the bathroom! A good view is conducive to a good movement, apparently.
• I had a couple who were the antithesis of my “perfect guests”. Rude, cheap and dumb. But I just didn’t care – for once!
• A woman who was told she couldn’t use her own microwave in her room felt the appropriate response was to pelt an unfortunate houseman with Hot Pockets!
  

That’s all for now, folks. In closing, let me say that while I’m actually grateful for the smooth ride, a bellman needs the numbers on his side if he hopes to scrape a few bucks together for the family back home.

But summer will be here in no time. As will this little gem of a motion picture…

Until next time, this is your friendly neighborhood bellman/fanboy signing off. Take care of yourselves.