It’s All Quiet On The Western Front…

So what the heck am I going to write about?

Here are the facts:

  • Monday was dead. Deader than dead, in fact. Whatever that means.
  • Tuesday? Still dead. My colleague and I spent 45 minutes without saying a single word to each other. And no one entered the lobby in all that time!
  • Winter in my little “village” – I can refer to it any way I like – is always dead, but this is ridiculous! And that is a fact!

I always refer to the winters in a vast hotel as The Shining brought to life. I know that isn’t fair; Shelley Duvall and her kid had Jack Nicholson and a whole gang of demented spirits to keep them busy!

I usually have a whole gang of douchebags to keep me busy but they appear to be keeping their distance the last few days.

However, I did have a real cool, young couple take my services yesterday.

  • They were chatty, but not annoying.
  • Good-looking, but not vain. Yes, I can admit a guy is good-looking without feeling uncomfortable in my sexuality. So there!
  • They had enough luggage to justify calling me, but not enough to make me work too hard!
  • They stayed out-of-the-way and let me do my job when it came to packing their car.
  • And finally, they tipped me… well!

Short of paying me in comic books and cash, they were the perfect guests!

In total, I’ve had fewer than ten calls in my two days of work, but at least I’ve steered clear of any potentially explosive situations. There have been a few… interesting folks, shall we say?

  • There was the old couple – older than dirt – who wanted a booster seat to enable them to see out the window from the french doors in the bathroom! A good view is conducive to a good movement, apparently.
  • I had a couple who were the antithesis of my “perfect guests”. Rude, cheap and dumb. But I just didn’t care – for once!
  • A woman who was told she couldn’t use her own microwave in her room felt the appropriate response was to pelt an unfortunate houseman with Hot Pockets!

That’s all for now, folks. In closing, let me say that while I’m actually grateful for the smooth ride, a bellman needs the numbers on his side if he hopes to scrape a few bucks together for the family back home.

But summer will be here in no time. As will this little gem of a motion picture…

Until next time, this is your friendly neighborhood bellman/fanboy signing off. Take care of yourselves.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

76 Responses to It’s All Quiet On The Western Front…

  1. susielindau says:

    Pelted by Hot Pockets??? And that is a slow day? ….Hahaha!

  2. Gillian Colbert says:

    I’m definitely looking forward to the Avengers myself! Take care…

  3. iamnotshe says:

    Hot pockets? Delightful. What fun. Colleagues can be a snore … so be glad they were standing off! xox m

  4. Your blog is so darn readable. Glad you’ve had a good few days!

  5. El Guapo says:

    I hope the Hot Pocket pelting was pre- Microwave use. Otherwise, there’s a lawsuit and some reconstructive surgery in there…

  6. Fiona says:

    Booster seat??????? That couple must spend a LOT of time in the bathroom. Maybe they wanted their money’s worth from the holiday including bathroom time…
    The human race is the strangest species of all of them I think. Hope things get busier for you again, but not TOO busy. If it comes to the worst, you can at least take your family Hot Pockets 🙂 xx

  7. They will be back. They always come back.

  8. Lol on hte booster seat! Yay! for the perfect couple. A few quiet days is good for recouperation too… is your collegue that boring that you don’t speak, 😉

  9. confessionsofyourhusbandsmistress says:

    I love your life! A booster seat really??? I needed a good chuckle. Sorry it’s so slow where you are right now. Enjoy the quiet before the chaos.

  10. I thought of you the two nights my husband and I stayed at the Phoenix Sheraton downtown on our trip to Arizona. We tipped well. And the service was fantastic. And then three floors of architecture students descended. I’m not convinced they tipped so well, but they took up lots of elevator space.

    Dodging hot pockets: is that a new Canadian sport? Is it in contention for the 2014 Olympics?

  11. Jo Bryant says:

    i can’t wait for The Avengers – recently saw Thor and LOVED IT – this had NOTHING to do with the fact that Thor was played by an Aussie actor BTW…

  12. Caroline says:

    Bummer it’s been so dead lately, but as you said, I’m sure it’ll pick up soon! Those darn nice guests…don’t they know you need material to write about!?

  13. Imagining the Hot-Pocket-Pelting woman made my day 🙂

  14. Woman says:

    Tee hee hee!!! Hot pockets? Really????

    I’ve not seen one of those in forever!!!!! We just throw noodles.

  15. nicole the exbulimic says:

    hot pockets?! LMAO! sure she wasn’t me? 😉

  16. Fox@n says:

    Great Post LOl.
    I cannot wait for that movie. It better not disappoint me like most of the superhero movies which are nothing like the comics or tv shows.

  17. TBM says:

    If I ever visit I’ll bring comics for your tip! And cash of course!

  18. Michael says:

    I’m anxiously looking forward to the Avengers myself, except that it is directed by Joss Whedon, which means both that it will be very good, and that someone we know and love will die….

  19. kewsmith says:

    Thanks for a laugh. Maybe the slowdown came at a good time so you can fully recover from illness. I know, I know, it doesn’t pay the bills!

  20. See, there IS a use for Hot Pockets ! Who knew ‘secret weapon’ would be it….

  21. sonsothunder says:

    Honey, I’m Home!!!
    Happy to hear you’re feeling better. You’ve managed to write a great post for someone who had a slow week. But, then, with guests like those, you come pretty well armed. I don’t know which is the hardest to get out of my mind…the vision of a microwave smuggling, hot-pocket firing, irate soccer mom, two ancient voyeurs peeking through french doors from a potty booster, or Jack Nicholas chopping at the door…Oh well, I do look forward to all the “Real Comic Book” characters in the same movie. Bless You

  22. Theasaurus says:

    At least they were Hot Pockets and not frozen pies. They hurt. A lot.

  23. Hot Pockets? Softer than toaster pop-ups? (but gravy-ish ooze instead of syrup and sugar?) May more entertainment arrive shortly.

  24. munchow says:

    Even if you have nothing to tell, I enjoy reading what you actually have to tell. I guess quiet is all relative. It almost sounds like you are missing your regular douchebags? Enjoy life while you can, they will soon be back again. And remember the best things in life doesn’t require any money – like a good story.

    • The Hook says:

      Very true, my friend. Thank you for the compliment; a writer’s goal is to engage his audience, no matter what he has to work with!

  25. Cindy says:

    A booster seat? What a mighty fine idea 🙂

  26. SidevieW says:

    did he throw them back at her?

  27. Blink says:

    hey busy man..
    a good tip with a couple wanting booster seats .. haha
    quite different experiences you had ..
    isnt it!

  28. Kim says:

    I’m sooooo looking forward to this movie! I’m reading the comics to be prepared 😀

  29. granny1947 says:

    thanks Hook….entertaining as always.
    Have to confess…have no idea what a hot pocket is….but it sounds dangerous.

  30. eyeLaugh says:

    The Hook! We ❤ you. You were one of the first people to give us multiple comments. Thank you for being our fan! We love the stories you write on your blog. So we grant you with the Liebster Blog Award:

  31. I think you should be very proud that you can claim you have nothing to write about and still generate a few dozen comments! It’s a sign of success!

  32. Yatin says:

    So the antithesis of perfect guests must be one of a kind to top the chart beating the Hot Pocket pelter! Found my way to the hook through Susie’s post. You maintain an entertaining blog

  33. mj monaghan says:

    Booster seats in the restroom?? That’s one I haven’t heard before.

  34. sexuallifeofawife says:

    An entertaining read once again!

  35. amiarting says:

    great poste .
    Following your blog !!

    Please tell me your best memories and what a good memorie is to you,
    on my blog:

  36. lorrelee1970 says:

    Hot pockets, huh? You have to admire the quick thinking. I say….”Free Lunch”.

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