The Cranky Old Lady, The Degenerate Gambler and The Hook!

I really suck at titles..

At any rate, let’s get back into the swing of things, shall we? But first…


Behind every sick, whiny man there’s a woman to make him soup, send him to bed – to watch an entire season of Supernatural – and make sure he gets his butt to the doctor! I stumbled down the stairs Tuesday morning to discover my wife had taken care of my blogging duties for the week. Nothing like the love of  a good woman, right?

In return, I happily suffered through a brand new episode of “Heaven on Earth”, Vampire Diaries! The wife was quite pleased with the latest installment of Stefan, Damon and the rest of the impossibly good-looking residents of Mystic falls.

And to my many blogging friends: Thank you a million times over for all the good wishes and concern. We’ve never actually met but we share a piece of ourselves with every post. I for one am grateful for the opportunity to get to know each and every one of you.

Here’s a post I wrote before my pesky mortality got in the way.


So this nice, older gentleman comes to the desk and after a little explanation he sent me up to his room to retrieve and store his bags. My first clue as the tone of the call was his last line “Is there a charge for that?”

Never a good sign.

Nevertheless, I approached his door with high hopes – okay, moderate hopes – especially when a sweet old lady answered the door.

CRANKY OLD LADY: And what do you want?

Okaaay. My answer was quick and direct, the best approach to take in a case like this.

THE HOOK: Your bags, miss. Your husband sent me up to collect and store them.

COL: Oh! I’m terribly sorry! The housekeeper has been giving me a hard time!

With that sorted out, we established a god rapport and I walked away with a tip and a new friend. She even threw in a $1.50 when they returned later on!

Overall, the guests really weren’t a problem today; the lobby was a walk-in freezer! We have this problem every year – the lobby I work out of is new and inadequately heated – but we get through it. The guests, however are another matter entirely…

FROZEN DAD: Why is this goddamn lobby so cold?

THE HOOK: Because heat costs money, sir. If it was free you’d be sweating right now!

He gave it some thought, threw me $2 and apologized – sort of.

FD: Here you poor bastard, buy some coffee!

Hey, if he tips me, I don’t care what he call me!

My first check-in was a real character; a return guest with some charming qualities.

  • A white, always dirty – inside and out – Mercedes.
  • He parks across the street at the casino and makes us travel over for his “luggage”.
  • Said “luggage” consists of an 80s “Ghetto blaster” stereo, a six-pack of Corona, a duffel bag and assorted crap.
  • Messy jet-black hair and ugly glasses hide a pair of bloodshot, beady eyes.
  • His traveling companions are of equally high quality: a young goofball and a woman with menthol breath and an inflatable mattress strapped to her back!

All in all, he’s a real catch, ladies. And he never tips more than $5 – ever. Fortunately, he was the only bad apple in the bunch – for this particular day, at least.

That’s all I have in me for now, folks. See you soon.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

82 Responses to The Cranky Old Lady, The Degenerate Gambler and The Hook!

  1. raisingdaisy says:

    Great to have you back, Hook! You’re right about the fact that none of us know each other personally, yet we forge a kind of cyber-bond through our posts. Interesting, isn’t it? So glad you’re better! 🙂

    • The Hook says:

      I’m not quite better – I’ve finally returned to work, but only because I have no choice – but thanks for the concern. Seriously.

  2. mcqty says:

    Glad your back in blog land, Kudos to your awesome wife for holding down the fort…your blog 🙂 I don’t think it matters the title, most of us would read whatever you wrote even if there was no title at all. That’s how it goes when your as entertaining as you are !!

  3. Sandi Ormsby says:

    I love the title “Frozen Dad”

    Tell him there is a HVAC event- All those heating and air conditioning professionals are testing the the A/C/heaters systems. Right now they are in the cool phase.

  4. PiedType says:

    Isn’t a dirty Mercedes illegal or un-American or something?

  5. Scriptor Obscura says:

    An inflatable mattress strapped to her back??? What the **** is that all about??? And how come the hotel lets people like this come in? Don’t they have minimum standards of how you look and how you behave, at least?! I am so glad you are better Hook, but don’t feel like you have to come back and blog even if you aren’t feeling completely better yet! After all, your health is more important than your blog any day for sure! You don’t have to blog at all costs, even if you are still feeling bad. We will still be waiting for you! You are great, Hook.

  6. susielindau says:

    I am glad to see that you are back at it, but don’t push yourself!!!

  7. Lily says:

    I can’t believe how rude some people are! But I love knowing the hotel gossip!

  8. wherethedaytakesme says:

    Good to see you back in the saddle

  9. Androgoth says:

    Great posting Hook and… Hey stop sucking on
    those titles you have no idea where they have been? 🙂 😉 lol

    Yes I did say Titles 🙂 lol


  10. So sorry you were out of commission, and I feel horrible for not noticing earlier because I’ve been pre-occupied nursing a sick child (blah)….Sounds like you were in great care, glad to see you back !

  11. So glad you’re up and about thanks to that magical soup:) Your guests were hilarious… oddly enough I bet that last guy with the filthy car and cheap tips is probably the wealthiest? Always wondered about that!! Anyway, you’re back in fighting form!!

  12. sonsothunder says:

    Yeah brother, so happy to see you are feeling “Some Better” .. inflatable mattress strapped to her back?..Heheh, Scriptor Obscura…you so funny. heh, Oh well I guess I’ve seen weirder things…
    Bless You Hook,
    and Elvira ..

  13. granny1947 says:

    Back on form…even if you wrote this before the onset of the dreaded lurgy.
    Glad you are better.

  14. Woman says:

    Frozen dad!!! Tee hee hee!!!

  15. …..I thought you meant to say “…a duffel bag and assorted caps…” I get the picture.

  16. Fiona says:

    I’m glad you are back, Hook, hope you are feeling much better! I missed the chance to wish you well, I have been moving house! I thought of people in your industry the other day – the two men who were hauling my heavy STUFF from one place to the next, weren’t porters, but they were certainly worthy candidates for the service industry, working with a smile and probably getting as many sh*tty situations as you find yourself in.
    Your mercedes driving return guest sounds rather… self absorbed :/

  17. nicole the exbulimic says:

    LMFAO! mercedes guy sounds like my exmanfriend, the subject of my recent “bad sex” article. you can read it here and tell me if they’re one in the same:

  18. nicole the exbulimic says:

    i just left a comment, but i don’t think it posted! perhaps it’s just awaiting moderation, so i’m trying to send another before bothering to re-type the former. i shall test this issue with my little scientific experiment!

  19. mairedubhtx says:

    Glad to see you’re back in action, Hook. VampireLover must be a good doctor to get you all better so soon. It must be that cold lobby that cuts down your immune system.

  20. sexuallifeofawife says:

    I actually really like the title – its intriguing!

  21. Very intriguing blog – I love to “people watch” and this is like people watching with half the effort! 🙂 Glad you are feeling better!

  22. dinkerson says:

    Quick and direct, you’re right! I to have learned this valuable point. Don’t give the old hag ammo when she’s clearly willing to fight with rocks. You’d be surprised – or possibly not – how many friends I’ve won with this perspective.
    The old inflatable mattress strapped to the back technique huh? I’m beginning to see it everywhere I go 😉

    P.S. The title was perfect.

  23. dinkerson says:

    For the sake of sounding coherent, I meant to say “I too have learned this valuable point”.

  24. eyeLaugh says:

    LOL you called him “Frozen Dad”!! hahahah i love your posts! hope you’re feeling better! 🙂

  25. Your blog is one of the most unique I’ve come upon, Sir Hook! 😉 Glad you have a super lady in your corner and that most of your “apples” were good.

  26. eva626 says:

    i think I might just apply for a job at your place…lol

  27. hotelnerd says:

    Welcome back Hook! Glad you’re feeling better.

  28. Welcome back Hook, I missed your funny musings. Glad to hear you are on the mend.

  29. Really happy to see you again … Stay healthy now

    Love your line… Hey, if he tips me, I don’t care what he call me! Hahaha 😉

  30. Hook, you are probably getting tired of me telling you this, but your stories influence my thinking on a daily basis. Like yesterday when I was bitchy to the guy at the car repair place because I just watched my vacation turn into new brakes. I thought of you and thought, it’s not this guy’s fault I’m having a bad day, and then I was sort of nice to him.
    More importantly, I was having dinner recently and had already paid for the meal (it was an order at the counter type of place and then sit down). Wine was $6.00 per glass. I decided I wanted a second glass of wine, so I went up to the counter with $7.00. Well, wine with tax is $6.52. I started to say to the woman who served me the wine, “I’m sorry this is all I have” (I think my comment is longer than your post), but then your “voice” came into my head; I probably heard something like “don’t be lame” (only more colorful language). I went back to the table and fetched a decent tip. The Hook strikes again.

  31. Kanerva says:

    Good to see you back in the trenches! Hot honey-lemon if you can get your hands on it is good for post-flu recovery (with a dash of something when you get home ;))

  32. Jo Bryant says:

    So glad you are back – cyber space isn’t the same without you !!!

  33. TBM says:

    I’m so glad you feel better Hook. And I love your titles!

  34. Lafemmeroar says:

    Welcome back and funny post. lol on the free heat!

  35. brittany220 says:

    Glad you are feeling better from the flu Hook! Getting sick like that can be a real nasty experience, I’m glad you are recovering quickly from it. You’re certainly surrounded by a lot of love and support though!

  36. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    I’m glad things are looking up on the health front–and, it seems, the vampire ones?! 🙂

  37. Ohhhhh these stories are so awesome. Having been in these hotels, I’ve often wondered what stories were to be told. So great!

  38. Maiya says:

    Glad your feeling better Hook.

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