Holiday Hi-jinks!

Where to begin?

What about a Travel Tip?


Too many people send their children to my desk to secure a cart. Never mind the fact there are over 900 rooms in my hotel and thousands of strangers wandering the halls, children shouldn’t be doing their parents’ dirty work. We can’t give them a cart so they have to return to the room empty-handed and confused. They know Mom and Dad are going to grill them and they really don’t know what to say.

Parents: let your kids enjoy their all-too-brief childhood!


My first call was a sweet old lady, her middle-aged daughter and her grandson with the glazed look in his eyes. I was smiling – for once – when I arrived at the room; I had passed a grumpy father and son team dragging armfuls of plastic bags down on their own. They just looked so unhappy and it was so unnecessary that I couldn’t help but chuckle.

At any rate, I loaded the duffel bags, cooler,  microwave – yes, microwave – and assorted pieces on to my trusty cart and proceeded to wait downstairs in the cold. Again.

To be clear, I only wait outside when the guest assures me the vehicle is waiting. Unfortunately, my guests are frequently wrong. These particular guests promptly joined me outside – Grandma wanted to smoke anyway – and with in ten minutes Dad arrived.

Dad turned out to be grumpy Man! He was actually very friendly. And accident prone; he almost broke his watch placing the bags in the car and he bumped his head on the trunk! To his credit he kept smiling! And so was The Hook.

Until my next call when I discovered the north tower service elevators and service areas smelled like the New York city sewer system! Turns out one of the basement sump pumps was malfunctioning. And how. The fumes didn’t reach the guest areas but that didn’t stop a few of the travelers I encountered from having a rotten mood they felt compelled to share.

An older gentleman was beginning to lose what little patience he had left with the crowd of rugrats – and twenty-something douchenozzles – rampaging through the lobby.

FED-UP OLD MAN: These crazy kids have no respect!

He actually used the term “crazy kids”! He then attempted to raise his fist but he was so old his body had began to betray him, so I rushed over and began shaking my fist!

He started laughing so hard he began to cough one of those really deep “old person coughs” that seem to never end. Fortunately, he recovered quickly. And speaking of quick recoveries…

This douchenozzle ran into our back room, grabbed a bell cart and ran back out – in a flash!

This guy was so fast he slipped in and out before four of us could even react. Of course, I was elected to deal with our thief – I’ve never been one to shy away from going toe to toe with a guest – but things took an unexpected turn..

He had that “deer in headlights” look when I approached him and explained the concept of full-service. His wife’s obvious embarrassment at picking such a clueless mate actually helped defuse what could have been a volatile situation. In fact, my colleagues were disappointed by the anticlimactic ending; he thanked me for the help and tipped the bellman who finally delivered the luggage! 

You see folks, holiday miracles aren’t that rare after all!

On that note, do yourselves a favor and leave something behind when the new year arrives; I leave it to you to decide what but I guarantee you’ll live a better life. And a better life makes for better posts!

Of course, a hotel full of douchebags doesn’t hurt either.

Happy New Year, everyone.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

79 Responses to Holiday Hi-jinks!

  1. susielindau says:

    I think you should write a post about the most unusual stuff you have transported. A microwave? Really? People are so ridiculous!!
    Good luck with the stench!
    I hope everyone is generous on New Year’s Eve!!! Happy New Year Hook!

  2. sexuallifeofawife says:

    Ha ha ran in quick as a flash – can just imagine it… Glad it all turned out amicably and someone got a tip as well. Makes you wonder what was in his mind in the first place to do a grab and run?!
    A microwave for god’s sake!!!
    Thank you for the laughing!
    Happy New Year!

  3. littlesundog says:

    I can always rely on you for a good laugh, dear friend! Your creative writing skills place us in the middle of the mayhem you encounter and you make good points about improving behavior. You remind us that manners and goodwill still exist out there… and that we can all do a better job spreading kindness! Happy New Year to you and thank you for so many good belly laughs!

  4. wherethedaytakesme says:

    The adventures never end. Have a very happy new years

  5. Scriptor Obscura says:

    You are great, Hook. My best wishes to you and your family for a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year 2012! 🙂

  6. granny1947 says:

    Good Grief…who takes a microwave on holiday with them.
    Your life is so interesting.
    Have a love filled new year.

  7. Androgoth says:

    Happy New Year 2012
    Hook, Vampire Lover and
    All of your family 🙂

    Androgoth XXx (For the Girls :))

  8. Mistress Mummy says:

    Aww what a sweet old man, got to love the oldies. Good distraction of getting you to shake your fist 😉 happy new year!

  9. jussaraluna says:

    Hello Hook, Happy New Year!!
    hugs to you~~Jussara

  10. I work in a hotel, glad I do not work in one as big as yours sounds. Great story btw! 🙂 Love it.

    • The Hook says:

      Thanks for the input. I love to hear from hotel workers/slaves!

      • Yes, people sometimes tend to act like we are servants and invisible. I have had people reach right over me when I am restocking the breakfast area. I dunno about you but when I was growing up I would have been smacked for being so rude. It is like they don’t even see the person standing there. It is amazing.

  11. Great way to end the year, Hook; reading your hi-jinks had me LOL! Enjoy the peace and quiet, for a change and have a Happy New Year with your loved ones!

  12. Love it all but especially the beginning, kids should never be sent to do an adults job!

  13. Never leave home without your microwave…wow! Have a great New Year celebration without the strange travelers.

  14. Sandi Ormsby says:

    My own microwave…now why didn’t I think of that for our last trip? We have an extra in the garage. That will now make my packing list for next trip. My husband will deem me officially “crazy.” and then come back to say “how awesome” I am, when we can mic burriotos vs. going out to dinner and spending a fortune. 🙂

  15. Well written Hook!

    On a different note and I hope you don’t take this wrong; I think we know each other well enough for me to say this. . . I’m not sure these flowers in your header do your site justice. I like the look of The Flash! Maybe The Hook! ? Just sayin. . .if you like the flowers, then it’s none of my business.

    Happy New Year!

    • The Hook says:

      My new header is actually composed of eight different headers! They vary from post to post. The flowers weren’t my choice, believe me!

  16. Microwave? Do you think they camped out in front of large box store for an after Christmas special?….Hope you’re recharging for the new year…sure it will be hilarious. Thanks for all the laughs

  17. Pingback: You’ve now completed 25% of the challenge! Feedback for us? « Post A Day 2011 | Wordpress Challenge

  18. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    You’ve been working over the holidays? Well, I hope you got heaps of tips 🙂 And yeah, the poor kids coming to ask for a cart and going back without one. Must drive you nuts, repetitively.

    Happy New Year Da Hook 🙂 Wooohheeee new, new. 1 Jan 2012.

    • The Hook says:

      It’s been a rough holiday – at work, anyway! Thanks for the visits, young lady; I know your life is hectic enough and I appreciate you taking the time to stop by.

  19. Too funny… “the flash!” Have a wonderful New Year’s and look forward to new stories…

  20. brittany220 says:

    Happy New Year Hook! 🙂 Hope it’s a good year for all of us!

  21. Happy New Year!!!! Hope you enjoyed it with the family. And speaking of “leaving something behind”… What’s the most interesting thing someone left behind that you know of? I know you’re not housekeeping, but I’m sure word gets around. Just curious… 😀

  22. Oops… forgot to click “notify of follow up”… so….

  23. giselzitrone says:

    Happy Neu Year Gruss Gislinde

  24. Ipodman says:

    I lol’d @ THE FLASH… Happy New Year, Mr. Hook! 😀

  25. mairedubhtx says:

    Happy New Year, Hook.

  26. mizqui says:

    Happy New Year HOOK! I look fwd to reading more of your days and ‘the guests ways’. lol! )))HUGS((( May prosperity find you at every check out! (-:

  27. eva626 says:

    you are so COOL

    lets see what this year brings for your blog…great stuff.

  28. Raven of Leyla says:

    Leaving something behind makes for better posts…hey I am all for it!!! 😆
    Many big tips for you in 2012, may the fun posts flash through your fingers and make us smile.
    Always, Rx

  29. Jo Bryant says:

    You constantly amaze me with your quick thinking – rushing over to shake your fist – LMAO at the image that conjours in my head…

  30. Hook, I will not just spare one, but 10 of my thoughts for you over this festive season for the all the dysfunctional families you’re having to put up with. But good on you for shaking your fist for that old man *virtual high five*.

  31. Klextin says:

    I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your blog and to let you know you have been awarded the kreativ Blogger Award, Happy New Year, here is the link and Congrats and keep up the wonder work.

  32. Happy new year for you too!
    Hopefully people don’t change so there are many more posts to come about them. No greater source of inspiration than a good weird human being!

  33. countoncross says:

    Great post. I have kids that range in age (8, 16, 22) and they are never left unattended. Even as an adult I don’t like to go anyplace by myself. who sends the kids down to the lobby without an adult? So crazy…should be a law that you get to hold the kids and see how long it takes for the parent to come to look for them…….Well maybe not, all you would have is a room full of children who’s parents forgot they even brought them on the trip. lol

  34. Lily says:

    Wow I didn’t realize how much excitement happens in hotels! Too funny. Awesome post!

  35. patpatkay says:

    Great post! 🙂 Sometimes, even if someone may look like a total meany, inside, their as soft as a pillow 😉 The whole story’s just lovely and I will be coming back constantly to your blog! 😀

  36. Maiya says:

    I look forward to reading about your life, it takes me away from my bush home if only for the length of the post and can’t wait to read more. Have a great rest of the year!

  37. Androgoth says:

    Have a great start to your Tuesday Hook
    I am awaiting the next glimpse into your
    wicked world of observations 🙂 😉


  38. Theasaurus says:

    For some reason, when I read the section where you shook your fist at the douchenozzles on behalf of the old guy who could barely lift his own arm, I actually pictured you shaking a hook.

    Pure gold, Hookstar.

  39. I loved how you assisted with the fist shaking. Hilarious!

  40. kewsmith says:

    I thought it was strange that you dealt with so many ice chest, but now a microwave. I usually just have a suitcase or two. I’m thinking maybe I don’t know how to travel.

  41. giselzitrone says:

    Wünsche ein schönes week-end lieber Gruss Gislinde

  42. lolabees says:

    It’s amazing that people are so grumpy when they are on vacation!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s