How NOT To Win Friends And Influence People!

Before we begin, it should be noted that my last three posts all occurred… on the same day!

First there was the family that made me blow my top, then the Three Vixens made my day. Finally, there was this guy…

FURIOUS DAD: Yeah, I need one of those cart things.

Just to be clear, he was BIG man with greasy hair and a cheap Toronto Maple Leafs jacket. He had a young son with him and an attitude the size of Donald Trump’s hairspray budget!

THE HOOK: I can come out and help you, sir.

FD: No, I just need a cart. No help. I’ll take one!

THE HOOK: We’re a full-service property, sir. So I can’t give you  a cart, but I can certainly help you.

FD: I don’t want any help! But knock yourself out! I’m in the parking garage.

At this point, he started to twitch and pace back and forth while his son stood by nervously. I knew as soon as he uttered the words “parking garage” it could only mean one thing: one of the doormen dropped the ball – it happens from time to time – and didn’t follow protocol.

  • You ask the guest if they want self or valet parking.
  • You ask the guest if they require the services of a bellman.
  • If the guest is self-parking, you make certain the guest unloads his luggage before he has to lug everything from the garage if he has chosen to go it alone.

Unfortunately this guy was already angry about having to deal with the crowds on the deck and in the garage. Then things got really hairy..

THE HOOK: Sir, did the doorman ask you if you needed help. It would have saved you some time and effort…

FD: No! Is there policy that says I can’t take the cart?

THE HOOK: Actually, yes sir, there is. But I’m more than happy to help you…

FD: There’s a written policy?

THE HOOK: We’re a full-service property, sir.

FD: But I don’t want any help!

THE HOOK: I’m not trying to be difficult, sir –

FD: You’re being fucking difficult!

Bear in mind his young son is standing right there! Not to mention a full lobby and two of my colleagues; it takes brass cojones to lose it in front of dozens of strangers and multiple service personnel.

THE HOOK: I’m ready to help you, sir.

FD: Well, I don’t want any help. You’re wasting your time!

It was time to cut my losses. To play around with this guy any longer would mean provoking him further and risk an even bigger blowout.

THE HOOK: If you don’t want any help I don’t know what to do for you, sir.

FD: I want a manager! Is there an executive manager?

THE HOOK: At the Front Desk, sir. (I’ve never used the word, ‘sir” so often in one call!)

He stormed off, only to return a few minutes later with only his son and a defeated look. He apparently went back to his car and found my supervisor, who had his own blowout with the douchenozzle!

And so my day was a mixed bag of cheap families, old vixens and furious dads. And I still don’t drink!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

80 Responses to How NOT To Win Friends And Influence People!

  1. melsar93 says:

    It is amazing that you don’t drink. Hopefully you are able to escape reality in other ways.

  2. Sometimes I wonder why people even take the time to travel. They leave their comfort zone and turn into ignorant zombies. Great post, sorry about your luck. 😦

  3. El Guapo says:

    Ah well…It could be worse…somehow…possibly…

  4. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    This guy’s a great reminder that sometimes it’s our own resistance–not outside forces–that turns small matters into ginormous PITAs!

  5. Johz says:

    Still not drinking? I am quite impressed. Were I to face this day-in, day-out, I’d probably have pickled my liver, then run off to join the foreign legion…

  6. Sandi Ormsby says:

    How’s it goin’ hookman?
    what you didn’t know…that dude lost all his money gambling the night prior… would explain his pissy mood and not wanting to tip. 🙂

    Yes, there was definitely a better way to handle that. Yelling at you about policy- first of all, you’re not the policy maker, but when upset there is a better way to discuss an argument.

    With that being said-
    I don’t agree with the policy of being forced to use “full service” either.

    Most people will choose to use your service, and when they do, they should tip you well. However, others that opt out of that option, don’t like to be “forced” into an all or nothing situation. Many people are willing to tip when it’s their decision, not when being pushed into using a service that expects to be compensated. (or they will be blogged about!)

    There are some people more private than others and don’t want anyone seeing/touching their items. If they want a cart, give them a cart as part the amenties the hotel has to offer. Less chance of confrontation, but not a lot of material to blog about, eh?

    One hotel forced me to use “free valet.” Of course, I had to tip…but that beat paying for parking on the street. 🙂

    • The Hook says:

      There is a full-service hotel in my area that gives out carts. They NEVER have any in their lobby because people won’t return them! They have multiple vehicle damage reports to field to the police because guests ram into each other’s cars on a regular basis.
      And they have accident reports to fill out because parents let their kids ride on the cart and they sometimes fall off! This guy was a maniac and while I understand your point, if a person has more than they can carry they need help.
      They don’t have a leg to stand on if they opt to stay in a full-service property and wish to complain about the service! Why do people get angry because they’re being offered something above average?

      • mcqty says:

        Well said. If they don’t want above average options and service, then they can save even more money and go to an average, carry your own junk, open your own door hotel around the block. 😀

      • The Hook says:

        I think I love you…
        In a platonic, fellow blogger way, or course!

  7. mcqty says:

    I love that there is a POLICY and you had it to back you up. Had to give you a little boost to confirm said policy existed. It’s great when you don’t have to prove someone is a moron, they do it themselves by opening their mouths !!

    Thanks for sharing !

  8. Fiona says:

    I’m impressed that you don’t drink too! I’m also sad – sometimes I think that just because you are in a service position, people forget their manners. Do you find this is true?

  9. mizqui says:

    No drinks for you HOOK? Wow! I like that. So…in that case…I’ll have a shot for the both of us, [1 for you & 1 for me]. Whew!!!! LOL! That Skyy Passion Fruit Vodka will get ya! LOL!
    Tell me what your secret is HOOK? Is it yoga? (-;

    I love your Writes.
    Such literal delights.


    • The Hook says:

      I just never saw the point to drinking; my childhood has something to do with it, but that’s best left unexplored…
      Thanks for the visits!

  10. Oh the joyous ups and downs of being a part of the hospitality industry. 😉

  11. kewsmith says:

    Tis the season!

  12. I love how your readers are amazed you don’t drink. Makes me smile.

    And you must have the patience of a saint. Or the ability to hear “blog post alert!” in the middle of conversations with Neanderthals.

  13. Woman says:

    I kind of agree with Sandi in saying that I do not enjoy being “forced” to use a hotels services. I can understand what you are saying about the returning of the carts and the damages to peoples property though.

    But when it comes to tipping and someone is “forced” to use your services… I don’t know how I feel about it. I can understand your position and I can understand theirs as well.

    Meh. It’s all good!! I live by one rule while travelling. If I packed it, I have to be able to carry it!!!

  14. susielindau says:

    You have nerves of steel. That’s why we call you “The Hook!”

  15. littlesundog says:

    All the little, black clouds disappear when I read one of your posts! Thanks for giving me a good belly laugh AGAIN!

  16. There is just no helping people like that, in any situation 😦
    I’m sorry you had to take it but grateful for the story! x

  17. eva626 says:

    haha!!! angry management issues… i wonder what his wife is like lol

  18. Jo Bryant says:

    That’s the type of guy you hope puts his back out carrying the bags, drops the expensive laptop, and looses his wallet before backing the car out in to a pole…

  19. eyeLaugh says:

    Stay strong! Don’t give in to the sauce! Otherwise you’ll end up like me and disguise drinking as other things…. like reading… I love your stories!

  20. I can’t believe the guy asked for a written policy??? It boggles the mind.
    BTW – thanks to you, I now feel compelled to give every Santa with a bell, money and they are not even helping me with my groceries.

  21. Val says:

    ‘Douchenozzle’… I love it! Did he have a big nose?

  22. TBM says:

    I wouldn’t want to be this guys friend that’s for sure! The poor son. I wonder if he has to witness these outbursts all of the time.

  23. munchow says:

    Never seems to be and end to all kinds of experiences when working in place like you. You must be a batman to survive, I think. Thanks for another great laugh.

  24. Dave says:

    Sounds like you don’t get paid nearly enough.

  25. Fox@n says:

    Omg I hate customers like that.
    They never believe you and then when they get the proof their face turns into a prune.

  26. Kim says:

    Kudos to you because you don’t drink XD

  27. timkeen40 says:

    You are a strong man. I must admit that I do drink. I have to say I like it and that is why I drink.However, on days when I run into angry morons like the one in your story, I am certainly very happy that I like to drink.

    Great story.

    • The Hook says:

      There’s nothing wrong with drinking – in moderation! I just worry about going overboard after a bad day – which I have quite often!

  28. hotelnerd says:

    I love it when they ask if a policy is in writing or not. It’s not like it’ll make them feel any better if they actually saw it in writing. It’s not like they’re going to go thumbing through your employee handbook or department manual looking for some Law & Order like loop hole that will let them have everything they want the exact way they want it. It’s also not like you can just tell him “You can’t have a cart because when guests handle their own carts either the cart, the walls, and/or the furniture is going to get banged up. So please just let me do my job.”

  29. brittany220 says:

    Haha I like the title of your post, that is a good book by the way (How to Win Friends and Influence People). There are a lot of great, inspirational quotes and stories in there. I’m reading it now and it is interesting and thought-provoking.

  30. Gotta love working with the public….

  31. Customers… *rolling eyes*. They can be so fatiguing.
    But I like the picture on top. Is it just a WordPress picture or not?

  32. Verna says:

    Is there a real place for smart women in this dumb world? Some times, I do not think so. FOOEY!

  33. The Hobbler says:

    Writing is my drug of choice…getting drunk is much less effective for humiliating the people who made you want to drink in the first place.

  34. Great story.. I like that he had to eat his own words. So funny that you got on Twitter not long after I got out. I would follow you on there otherwise 🙂

    • The Hook says:

      I only created an account to help build a following for my upcoming (hopefully!) book, The Book of Terrible. We’ll always find ways to connect, my friend, don’t worry about that!

      • Book you say! My aren’t you becoming a regular Bard. How long has this been in the works? Is it going to be self-published or are you in works for a book deal with a publisher?

      • The Hook says:

        I’m on my own, I’m afraid; but I have A LOT of support, i.e my wife and colleagues!

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  37. says:


  38. I’ve meet some customers like FD in my past work and it is never fun – they don’t back down or like to admit they are wrong. Great job keeping your cool in the midst of a hectic day 🙂

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