Toiling away in the hospitality industry, you’d think The Hook would be spared the effects of Black Friday madness, right?
Not so much.
My Black Friday did not involve pepper spray or crazed shoppers tearing and clawing at each other for $2 waffle irons, but there were plenty of douchebags out for a bargain. Boy, were there ever.
Where to begin?
- There was the twenty-something douchenozzle who looked like he was an extra in the Sixteen Candles high school dance scene! He had the 80’s flipped-up collar, the loose tie and the cheesy hair and moustache. He was really working the persona, too!
As it turns out, he was a part of a group supporting one of several candidates vying for the leadership of a major Canadian political party. As for the candidate in question…
- He was a MAJOR piece of work! We spent the morning carting in supplies for his fundraising bash – more on that later – but the man himself didn’t arrive until later on. When he finally made his presence known, he did so like a true political leader – in a half-assed manner. His level of confusion was off the charts, and his skills with “the little people” could have used some polishing; he tipped $2.75 while the rest of his team tipped large by comparison!
- “Sorry, buddy I got no money on me! I left it downstairs with my chick! Catch you later!” That was the prep school graduate with the laundry basket suitcase who expected me to believe he had no money at the beginning of his trip! And what kind of rat bastard expects another guy to believe he lets his “chick” handle all his money? I’m sorry ladies, but there’s no way my wife would expect me to walk around with no funds whatsoever. Nor would I.
- There were the two high-maintenance broads – they would refute the classification, but trust me on this – who felt they were too good to wait in line on the valet deck. “Why do you have the Front Desk in the front, and the parking in the back?” I didn’t even answer, I was so flabbergasted. Adding insult to injury, they tipped me $2 – in quarters!
It should be noted that the foreign contingent were not the source of my many troubles on this particular day. The nuts were all home-grown this Black Friday! But let’s get to the good now, shall we?
Would you believe I’ve gone blank? I’m not used to this!
- I had the pleasure – and surreal experience – of serving.. wait for it.. A HEALTHY, WELL-ADJUSTED FAMILY OF FIVE! Granted, the kids were still young enough to show respect (and a good dose of fear!) for their parents, but I’ve seen plenty of children who lend their forms out to Satan in exchange for video games and sugar but not these little ones. They even threw me a decent tip, although they were probably wondering just why I was tearing up…
- The number of horny, half-drunk twenty-something party animals was lower than usual, a cause for celebration on any day!
- The second round of political supporters were actually pretty cool and easy-going. They had two full carts of beer and wine – I never realized politics could be so much fun – plus four bags of balloons and two trays of custom cupcakes and cookies. This group went all out; they even had custom room keys featuring their candidate’s smiling mug! Most importantly, they made sure some of that political “cheese” made its way to my plate!
We’ve covered the good and the bad, time for the ugly!
- Namely, the roughest couple this side of Sunnyvale Trailer Park! They were spittin’, cussin’ and fightin’ – and that was just the female! At least, I think she was female! Either way, they were quite the pair of hustlers, but they tipped me ten bucks so they’re good people in my book! Still, I earned it; the young lady (?) left her cigarettes in the vehicle so I went back down, retrieved the vehicle from Valet Parking and returned her smokes – all two of them!
Now do you see why they were in the gray area? Still, they followed one of my Golden Rules; namely, if you’re going to jerk service personnel around, make sure you treat them right when it counts!
Let’s hope next year is just as balanced. Then again, what are the odds of that?