Black Friday: The Good And The Bad!

Toiling away in the hospitality industry, you’d think The Hook would be spared the effects of Black Friday madness, right?

Not so much.

My Black Friday did not involve pepper spray or crazed shoppers tearing and clawing at each other for $2 waffle irons, but there were plenty of douchebags out for a bargain. Boy, were there ever.


Where to begin?

  • There was the twenty-something douchenozzle who looked like he was an extra in the Sixteen Candles high school dance scene! He had the 80’s flipped-up collar, the loose tie and the cheesy hair and moustache. He was really working the persona, too!

As it turns out, he was a part of a group supporting one of several candidates vying for the leadership of a major Canadian political party. As for the candidate in question…

  • He was a MAJOR piece of work! We spent the morning carting in supplies for his fundraising bash – more on that later – but the man himself didn’t arrive until later on. When he finally made his presence known, he did so like a true political leader – in a half-assed manner. His level of confusion was off the charts, and his skills with “the little people” could have used some polishing; he tipped $2.75 while the rest of his team tipped large by comparison!
  • “Sorry, buddy I got no money on me! I left it downstairs with my chick! Catch you later!” That was the prep school graduate with the laundry basket suitcase who expected me to believe he had no money at the beginning of his trip! And what kind of rat bastard expects another guy to believe he lets his “chick” handle all his money? I’m sorry ladies, but there’s no way my wife would expect me to walk around with no funds whatsoever. Nor would I.
  • There were the two high-maintenance broads – they would refute the classification, but trust me on this – who felt they were too good to wait in line on the valet deck. “Why do you have the Front Desk in the front, and the parking in the back?” I didn’t even answer, I was so flabbergasted. Adding insult to injury, they tipped me $2 – in quarters!

It should be noted that the foreign contingent were not the source of my many troubles on this particular day. The nuts were all home-grown this Black Friday! But let’s get to the good now, shall we?


Would you believe I’ve gone blank? I’m not used to this!

  • I had the pleasure – and surreal experience – of serving.. wait for it.. A HEALTHY, WELL-ADJUSTED FAMILY OF FIVE! Granted, the kids were still young enough to show respect (and a good dose of fear!) for their parents, but I’ve seen plenty of children who lend their forms out to Satan in exchange for video games and sugar but not these little ones. They even threw me a decent tip, although they were probably wondering just why I was tearing up…
  • The number of horny, half-drunk twenty-something party animals was lower than usual, a cause for celebration on any day!
  • The second round of political supporters were actually pretty cool and easy-going. They had two full carts of beer and wine – I never realized politics could be so much fun –  plus four bags of balloons and two trays of custom cupcakes and cookies. This group went all out; they even had custom room keys featuring their candidate’s smiling mug!  Most importantly, they made sure some of that political “cheese” made its way to my plate!

We’ve covered the good and the bad, time for the ugly!

  • Namely, the roughest couple this side of Sunnyvale Trailer Park! They were spittin’, cussin’ and fightin’ – and that was just the female! At least, I think she was female! Either way, they were quite the pair of hustlers, but they tipped me ten bucks so they’re good people in my book! Still, I earned it; the young lady (?) left her cigarettes in the vehicle so I went back down, retrieved the vehicle from Valet Parking and returned her smokes – all two of them!

Now do you see why they were in the gray area? Still, they followed one of my Golden Rules; namely, if you’re going to jerk service personnel around, make sure you treat them right when it counts!

Let’s hope next year is just as balanced. Then again, what are the odds of that?

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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60 Responses to Black Friday: The Good And The Bad!

  1. Scriptor Obscura says:

    Wow, what you must go through on a daily basis…I could never deal with or put up with so much crap myself. Humor is an excellent coping mechanism, but I would just be too angry and stressed out and pissed off to be able to laugh and joke about it, let alone write about it in such a humorous, entertaining way as you do 🙂
    Keep up the good work, the amount of douchebags and idiots in this world never fails to astound, revolt, and dishearten me…

  2. susielindau says:

    You meet the most interesting people in your job!
    Love this! “There was the twenty-something douchenozzle who looked like he was an extra in the Sixteen Candles high school dance scene! He had the 80′s flipped-up collar, the loose tie and the cheesy hair and moustache. He was really working the persona, too!”
    I can just see him flitting around the room thinking he was Mr. Big working for Mr. Big!
    Great post!

  3. Gillian Colbert says:

    oooooh! 80s references … now I’m definitely hooked!

  4. timkeen40 says:

    Another great story from a very interesting job, at least on my side looking in. What great material you get. I definitely do not have the patience for it, though.

    Great read!

  5. irratebass says:

    Good post, and the bad wasn’t as bad as some of your bads I have read.

  6. You have a way with words; hilarious read!

  7. Cindy says:

    Don’t you have to work really hard to abstain from hitting people sometimes, Hookster???

  8. Man, that is one black friday madness. I got dizzy trying to imagine what it must have been for you. I admire your patience and sense of humor over an otherwise crazy scenario. As for politicians, pardon me if I don’t trust them that well. If they’re that good, our economy won’t be in deep trouble. Well written post. I have my black friday story too but it’s too wholesome you’ll be sleepy.

  9. Haha, something for everyone 🙂

  10. TBM says:

    I don’t know if I’ve met a well-adjusted family while traveling.

  11. Spectra says:

    I felt like I was there! At least that one Trailor Park couple knew where to put their money!

    That must be a thing with politicians. Once, years ago, I was bartending a social function at the (then) major Nuclear Submarine Base of the day, and the local Congressman, as well as all the major military brass from Washington D.C. were there. The Congrasshole steps up to the bar, orders a drink, never making eye contact, as I was a ‘little person’, then doesn’t pay for the drink. I maintain his attention with an “Excuse me, Sir…that will be $.$, please…” He looks around for his aides, jerks his neck at me and tells one of the skinny twenty-somethings “Pay for that, will ya? I don’t have any money on me”. SO the younger guy fishes money out of his pocket to pay for the Big Guy. It was such a rediculous display of power and seperateness.

  12. Fox@n says:

    I miss those good old tipping days. Great post.

  13. raisingdaisy says:

    Wow you really see ’em all!

  14. Lafemmeroar says:

    I got cursed out in another language by a really rude woman on black Friday. It’s hell and the shopping frenzy is just beginning …

  15. mindslam says:

    Always a pleasure to read your stuff my friend. Loved the “ugly”…so funny. I stay as far away from that “Black Friday” crap as I can.

  16. Jo Bryant says:

    I am so happy we do not have Black Friday here – though I did tussle at the local garage sale on Saturday – AND WON !!!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. Don’t have Black Friday held here (KSA) but damn, $2 waffle irons?! REALLY? *runs off to join the rabid masses* 😛

  18. Barb says:

    I love to hear these inside stories from someone who sees all…some of which you didn’t want to see. Thanks for the insights. I had a great Black Friday. Stayed home until 10AM. By then the die hards and elbow gougers were gorging themselves at restaurants (having been up all night, shopping). You know that $2 waffle iron is only going to work a week…why bother?

  19. countoncross says:

    You covered everything! Glad to hear that some families can still be put in the good column. 🙂

  20. meredith says:

    haha. you’re funny. as a former friendly’s waitress, i completely understand where you’re coming from. back in the bush years, when i was just a poor college student, i worked at a friendly’s in the mall of a rather hickish, trashy pennsylvania town near my college. i would regularly get tipped less than a dollar on twenty-something-dollar checks. a frequent response to my obligatory “would you like french fries with that?” was “the french didn’t support us in the war! they’re freedom fries!” to which my mind replied, “french fries aren’t named after the country of france, but a style of cutting (i.e., french-cut potatoes)”. of course, i couldn’t say that, or else my fifty-cent tip would surely be reduced to nothing. anyway, i digress. 🙂 thanks for stopping by my blog!

  21. Becoming Bitter says:

    About the Bad…

    That dude who said he didn’t have the money with him was lying and you’re right about that. I would have chucked his laundry basket down the hall or stairs or something! What a douche bag.

  22. Sounds like the stars were aligned to achieve such balance. Always interesting to see who crossed your path

  23. sharkables says:

    Douchenozzle? What a great word! I may have to drop that into conversation sometime this week. Personally I have never done nor ever had any desire to do the madness that is Black Friday. However my family does have the Thanksgiving tradition where we all gather around the Thursday newspaper and analyze every Black Friday. Not sure why we do that.

  24. jussaraluna says:

    Good night my friend :))
    hugs to you~~~Jussara

  25. wordsfallfrommyeyes says:

    You know, Hook, I COULD NOT believe that pepper spraying incident. I told my son and he laughed!!! I thought it was awful and he laughed!!

    “Douchenozzle” – I really do learn from you 🙂 A laundry basket suitcase – love it. I totally love your stuff. You make me smile, & I need that today. Off work sick (sick of routine!) and enjoying ACTUALLY HAVING TIME TO READ BLOGS OF MY FAVES. Great to drop in.

  26. littlesundog says:

    Curious about the name, after you commented so nicely on my blog, I had to investigate “The Hook”. I had just about as much fun reading the comment section as the post! I love your style. I cannot wait for notification of your next post… I had to subscribe! Great writing style…keep it coming!

  27. eva626 says:


    your blackfriday was so entertaining! mine didnt have any good sales!

  28. bmj2k says:

    It isn’t called Golden Sunshine Friday for a reason.

  29. munchow says:

    You have a wonderful way of playing with words. Sounds like a crazy Black Friday experience. But I had a good laughter when reading you blog. What about the ugly?

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