Sunday, Sunday, Gotta Get Down On Sunday…

A BRIEF RECAP: Last Sunday was a success – by my standards – although the week that followed was dominated by VampireLover’s all-too-mortal illness.

Let’s see what the next Sunday had to offer, shall we?

I channeled my inner zombie, lumbered into work and crawled to my desk – the Saturday night shift was not kind – and attempted to steel myself for the coming storm of madness. The first phone call to the Bell Desk was a little surreal; the male caller was a little too friendly for a Sunday morning! Just imagine the Seinfeld universe’s Newman and then you’ll get the drift.

HAPPY MALE CALLER: Hello, Hook!

I still don’t know how he knew I was “The Hook” – he wasn’t a regular – but his uncanny impersonation threw me right off. I recovered quickly and sent him one of my colleagues who said he seemed normal. Oh well.

Next up was a rambunctious football fan in a Molson SUV – it actually had the logo all over it – who had ten cases of beer to transport from the  back of the hotel to the front. He had a party limo bus waiting, although the heavy-set, sweaty, bearded guy leaning against it gave him a moment of hesitation.

RAMBUNCTIOUS FOOTBALL FAN: Are… you.. the driver?

CRAZY DRIVER: Yeah, I’m Lou! How are ya?

My guest and I just looked at each other, his concern growing with every second. Nevertheless, we unloaded the beer and I began to walk away, my first stiff of the day just starting to sting, when he caught up to me.

RFF: Do you think I’ll be okay with this guy?

THE HOOK: It’s 8 am and he’s already sweating – in November. Most likely you’re going to die, sir. Have a nice day.

You want words of reassurance? TIP ME!

An hour passed by, as did dozens of cheap travelers, their Coach bags and laundry baskets in tow. Finally, I received a call from a perky female who called me “Luv” and requested I store her bags.

PERKY FEMALE: (Greeting The Hook at the door with a smile! Seriously.) Just watch this box…

THE HOOK: Let me guess, it contains wine, correct?

PERKY FEMALE’S COMPANION: Yes, we don’t want it dropped! We’d be sad!

THE HOOK: At the very least!

PF: Oh, we don’t get mad. We’re lovers, not fighters!

She then handed me five dollars.

THE HOOK: When pretty young ladies tip me, they can be anything they like!

PFC: You’re funny!

From bad to good. I was on a roll, which I thought for sure was in jeopardy when I arrived at my next call: four young high-maintenance “hotties”. At least, that’s how they described themselves when I assisted them the night before. They looked like a young, less haggard version of the Sex and the City gals! The notable exception was their diversity; two of them were white and two were Persian, an interesting mix.

To their credit, they weren’t hung over or hanging off a crew of greasy losers. However, when we met up at their car, they were asking each other for change. Never a good sign. They popped the trunk on their little Mazda and sure enough, it was filled with miscellaneous crap. Time to break out the packing skills.

THE HOOK: I’m just going to take a few things out to make some room…

Persian #1: NO, STICK IT IN NOW!

She immediately began giggling, which set the whole crew off on a tangent. I decided to play along.

THE HOOK: You enjoyed that  did you?

WHITE GIRL #1: Oh yeah, she’s a bossy bitch! She bossed around a homeless kid once! 

They continued to giggle so I returned to my duties and was rewarded with a “Look at you! You rock!” from all four of them. Oh, and three dollars. The day got quiet after that – deathly quiet – until the roar of check-in time began. I then realized my good day was a gift from Above, for storm clouds were gathering on the horizon…  a principal’s conference was scheduled for the next day.

  • An air of superiority surrounds them. It’s stronger than that cheap perfume they wear!
  • “Cheap” and “ungrateful” are two of the many words that come up a lot when they’re around.
  • They make corporate douchebags seem tolerable!
  • For educators, they are surprisingly unintelligent; navigating your way to the Front Desk without a GPS is not that difficult, people!

Don’t get me wrong, I applaud those brave souls who have chosen to guide today’s youth to mediocrity; I just wish they were as charitable to the rest of the world.

And finally, I have to tell you about the “Crazy Chick”. Just as my day was winding down, the phone rang and I found myself in the conversation from Hell.

THE HOOK: Bell Desk, how may I help you?

CRAZY CHICK: Yeah, I don’t know if you can help me, but are you the guy that helped the crazy chick earlier?

THE HOOK: I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific, miss.

CC: It can’t be you. You’d remember me! Anyway, I left my phone in the truck and I need it back.

THE HOOK: Well, we can call for your vehicle. If you give me the tag number…

CC: I dunno. I told you, I’m crazy!

THE HOOK: Right. I almost forgot. You sounded normal for a moment there, my mistake.

CC: I want the guy who helped me the first time to get it. Tell you the truth, I’m too wasted to come down there and get it myself! And I gave him $20, so he can bring it to me!

THE HOOK: I’ll try to track him down, miss. He’ll call you right back and get your information…

CC: What information? I dunno anything! I left the tag in the truck. You have my last name, so he can find it that way!Just be sure to tell the other guys it’s the Crazy Chick!

THE HOOK: Trust me, I will!

And that was my Sunday: not all bad, not all good, just unforgettable. As always.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

48 Responses to Sunday, Sunday, Gotta Get Down On Sunday…

  1. Funny Funny – you were very kind about the principals…maybe keeping them in schools is a good idea – it keeps them out of the general population …but there’s the problem that they are in charge of all the kids, hmmmm.
    Anyway, thanks for the chuckles ( and you are writing a book, right?)

    • The Hook says:

      The process is a slow one, but yes! The problem is, I’m in over my head in terms of the formatting, scheduling and such, but sooner or later I’ll find the time and finish the sucker!
      Then the real challenge begins: selling the darn thing!

  2. raisingdaisy says:

    What is it about hotels that brings out the crazy in so many people??

  3. Cindy says:

    Oh my hat, that is a lot of loony on one day …

  4. I LOVE days like that. I have customers who make the day worth remembering, and I have customers who ruin it by making it a day so hard to forget a whole bottle of wine isn’t helpful!

    On the other hand, I try to remember that the negative ones are NOT under any circumstances, allowed to ruin my day.

  5. nicole says:

    bahahahahaha! “They make corporate douchebags” seem tolerable! i’m a lover of ayn rand, so i MORE than appreciate this comment about corporate douchebags. thank you for saying this. x

  6. Jo Bryant says:

    You know I am adding up all the really crazy stuff and when I do THE BOOK TOUR I am so gonna mess with you…hehehehehehehehehe…

  7. Spectra says:

    “I applaud those brave souls who have chosen to guide today’s youth to mediocrity”…ain’t that the truth?

    On an upnote, just returned this afternoon from a wonderful stay at the Virginia Hotel in Cape May, New Jersey. Great staff, great beds,food and rooms (there are only 24, so probably not as hectic for the staff as your hotel). It was our 2nd visit, and so pleasant, we look forward to next year. Great staff makes a great hotel!

  8. jennygoth says:

    did crazy chick get her phone lol? your days are never the same hook just wait till xmas i bet it gets even more bizarre hope you get lots of tips and buy vampire a lovely pressie hope shes feeling better xxjen

  9. You can’t get any bossier than bossing around a homeless kid. That’s just too far.

  10. I heart crazy chick! People who go around telling other people how ‘crazy’ they are always crack me up. But then again… if she really does tip $20 maybe it’s OK!

  11. Androgoth says:

    First of all how is the lovely Vampire Lover getting along now? 🙂 I do hope that she is getting better by the minute, and what a wicked chucklefest you have added here once again, I know that you have a busy time but with all those crazies hanging around I am surprised that you manage to keep a friendly smile, I mean some of your guests just need gently tripping down the stairs (Well in a nice way I mean… If there is one 🙂 lol) I think that Crazy Chick is one of those nutty types that I am talking about but hey, there is always a mixture of loony tunes to choose from so get tripping Hook and keep blogging your wonderful postings 🙂

    Androgoth

  12. Never expect educators to tip, they make no money. 😦

    As for the Crazy Chick, she does sound memorable… Maybe you should hand out “complimentary” water laced with Xanax.

  13. Fox@n says:

    Funny stuff man, I don’t need to deal with customers anymore I quit.

  14. I always imagined the crazy chick would be more fun and less demanding.

    My mistake.

  15. TBM says:

    Another action packed day for you! At least the crazies make good stories.

  16. jennygoth says:

    just called to see how your week has been xxjen

  17. eva626 says:

    wow..LOL that was unforgettable. i wonder how you do it. im just glad to be sheltered, fed, and indoors without being in contact with people like that!. props man

  18. Pingback: 8 Steps to a Great Theme Party

  19. Jeanne Heuer says:

    Hope Vampirelover is feeling better.

  20. Your hotel posts would be a great TV show – I have been enjoying all of the episodes.

  21. Hmmm…The crazy chick…..yea, I think her type of crazy is verging on mental!

  22. jakesprinter says:

    Great Story 🙂

  23. jussaraluna says:

    Hello Hook
    It’s very interesting to read your text
    Thanks for the visit and beautiful comments.
    Hugs~~Jussara

  24. Simona says:

    ╔════*☆.¸.☆*’════╗
    ║☆♥ GOOD EVENING ☆♥
    ╚════*☆.¸.☆*’════╝ by Simona

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