If I Wrote About Pleasant, Generous Guests, Would Anyone Care?

First off, this is not The Book of Awesome (No, I’m not going to provide a link, find it yourself, you lazy bugger!), if you want to read stories about the generous nature of the human spirit or the healing power of bubble wrap, click the red “X” now.

Still here?

Okay, now that we’ve cleared the air, let’s get on with our regularly scheduled douche bashing. Here are some things that  I noticed while loading Japanese tour luggage this morning.

  • The Japanese must make physical contact with their luggage after they’ve had it picked up by the bellman. They have to touch it before it’s loaded or they suffer unspeakable consequences.
  • They are the most pleasant guests you’ll ever meet, but I’m not sure if that’s only due to the language barrier. I hope not.
  • Contrary to popular belief, they do run late occasionally. There is a reason the Swiss make watches while the Japanese stick to cameras!
  • If you sneeze in a crowd of Japanese tourists, they scream like banshees and they scatter like bats when you shine a light on them!

After the buses finally cleared out, it was time to face the wrath of the business traveller. Here are some highlights of their many visits to my desk this morning.

  • “Here is my bag. Guard it with your life.”   He was actually serious.
  • “Be careful with this, it’s a laptop.”  I have to be careful with everything, sir.
  • “I’m waiting for a package. Where is it?”  Now I’m Federal Express?
  • “Is your storage room secure?”  Would I tell you if it wasn’t?

Now that we’ve covered the Japanese and the business traveller, let’s move on to those wacky seniors!

DAZED WIFE: (Running around the car, attempting to gather her belongings and wits!) I’m going to park the car. You go check in, Harold.

HAROLD: How am I supposed to do that?

DW: (Sighing long and hard) Take this paper (she proceeds to pull a series of papers, one after another from her bag), and this one. and this one..

HAROLD: (Shouting) How may of these things do you have?

DW: Just take them! Do you have your points card?

Of course he didn’t. They continued to bicker back and forth until I dove into the fray…

THE HOOK: Let’s just take a second to get organized, folks. I go through the same thing with my wife –

DW: You rush her too?

THE HOOK: No, I don’t have a death wish! But believe me, people tend to nip at each other during check-in. It’s perfectly understandable.

Cooler heads prevailed and they went their separate ways for a few minutes. He was still hot under the collar, though, and muttered to himself as he headed to the Front Desk. Fifteen minutes later, I received a call at my desk.

The check-in process revealed a plot twist: they were at the wrong hotel.

I met the wife at the Front Desk and brought the bags to their car in the garage.

DW: Don’t tell him this, but he’s so hard to travel with! He gets all the details wrong! Can you imagine going to the wrong hotel?

THE HOOK: Happens at least once a week…

DW: Well, I’m not surprised we’re this week’s victims!

THE HOOK: How long have you been married?

Admittedly, her response floored me.

DW: Five years.

I have almost seventeen years of marriage under my belt and I only recently began to really get under my wife’s skin!

DW: This is my second marriage. I was married to my first husband for forty-seven years, but he died five years ago. I’m 72 and he’s driving me crazy!

And that, folks, is my life in a nutshell.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

48 Responses to If I Wrote About Pleasant, Generous Guests, Would Anyone Care?

  1. raisingdaisy says:

    LOL I love the part about sneezing around the Japanese guests.

    In answer to your initial question – Oh yeah, we’d *care* if you wrote about “pleasant, generous guests” – the REAL question is, would we *believe* it after all we’ve read?!?!?! 😉 LOL

    I stay in the car or sit in the lobby during check-in, that avoids any marital complications and guarantees that our trip starts off on a happy note. 😉

  2. Sandi Ormsby says:

    Thanks for making me laugh out loud this morning. “Guard it with your life.” Did he handcuff it to you and give you a key? Did you mention that you have a difficult enough time staying “alive” on video games, and not quite sure how you’ll fare in real life peril and get the bag to its final destination?

    Seniors have very little patience. My friends and I have concluded, that when you get to a certain age, you just don’t care anymore. It’s like you’ve earned the “right” to be as difficult and selfish as you want. I’m looking forward to that stage where I’ve earned the right to be a cranky old lady and it be completely acceptable. 🙂

    Sandi
    http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com
    Lake Forest, CA USA

  3. jennygoth says:

    lol maybe the old couple should have just lived in sin lol as they say i think your job would be quite dull if everyone were nice all the time at least your working days are filled with the unknown you must be good natured or you would have got the sack i know i would id be livid every day lol have a good weekend hook xxjen

    • The Hook says:

      You’re right about one thing, Jennygoth: I do live under a lucky star, or I would have been canned long ago! Thanks for the visit.

  4. Caroline says:

    Who wants to hear about the pleasant guests? No way jose. Bring on the annoying ones! I really wish I could just be a fly on the wall at your hotel.

  5. BrainRants says:

    I read your blog because it reminds me my job (when it’s bad) could suck worse.

  6. Oh I totally prefer the douche-bag blog posts… 🙂

  7. Cindy says:

    Nope, not interested in the goody-goodies, bring on the horrors 🙂

  8. Screaming like banshees? Ya know, I can believe that. Isn’t that where that killer strain of flu was running rampant and folks were forced to wear those white face masks to ward off germs or some shit? That’ll make you a bit gun-shy. Ha..ha..
    Old folks just crack me up. It’s like they lose some part of the brain that deals with discretion when they reach a certain age and don’t give a crap what anyone thinks about nothing. Umm..wait, that’s me now….

  9. HoaiPhai says:

    You’re not nearly as lippy as I’d be in your job. “Guard it with your life” would be followed by questions as to the lethaility of the contents of the bag’s contents and after being asked “I’m waiting for a package. Where is it?” I’d ask for the tracking number and if shown it, I’d immediately after a quick glance respond that it had been rerouted through Cincinnati.

  10. wordsfallfrommyeyes says:

    This is a great post – love hearing about other people’s jobs! You make it all good, writing it out funny, though I bet it grates sometimes. Thanks for making me smile today! 🙂

  11. The answer to your subject question is, “Yes.” Absolutely yes. That being said, I love your blog with its current mix of crazy and courteous, so don’t count on me to meander away anytime soon!

    • The Hook says:

      I’ve just been feeling as though I’m in a rut, Deborah. But don’t worry, the douchebags aren’t going anywhere, so neither am I!

  12. I used to work for a bank. If you think people worry about what might happen to their laptops, imagine the freak-out when they think the bank stole their interest payment!

  13. Androgoth says:

    If those loons get too much for you just trip a few down the stairs or perhaps just sneeze in their direction for a change 🙂 Yes its a wicked thought but why not have a bit of fun 🙂 By the way are there any pleasant guests at your hotel? I think all the nutters are queuing up to get in there for a few nights, but the old farts are taking all the rooms… Old Farts and Loons 🙂 lol What a combination… I hope that you have had a wicked weekend with your Vampire Lover 🙂

    Androgoth

  14. jennygoth says:

    hi mr hook are you havin a rest you should as you deserve one hope alls well in hook land xxjen

  15. Fox@n says:

    Great post man. There are a lot of crazy people in the world.

  16. Jo Bryant says:

    Ahhh – dilemma – yes I would still come because it is not just the guests good or bad – it is the storyteller who gets me here – and I think that you would always have a story to tell…but i do love the douchebag ones…hehehehehehe

    • The Hook says:

      Thank you for the support, Jo! By the way, did you catch the latest Supernatural?
      I actually set my DVR incorrectly!
      Can you imagine?

  17. Haha – having worked in hospitality I really got this! And no, I don’t ever want to hear about all about the nice guests, this is far more fun!

  18. I’m getting a head start…me and my husband have only been married for two and we already sound like an old married couple! 🙂

  19. Love it! The bit about the Japanese tourists is great. I can’t wait to try sneezing into a crowd of them.

  20. LOL-I am a Security officer, well I quit but the handcuff statement he made above was a good one! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I will get your book when it is finished. ♥ ~ Jackie

  21. I work at an open pit barbecue summers only and some of the people I deal with. TRUST me, your life is a cake walk…Just kidding. No really, I know the nonsense and idiocy you must deal with. Most of my “you are an idiot” dealings are the same idiocy day in and day out. Same questions, same retarded look on my face, same “you are an idiot” answers… It is truly nice to get a customer who looks at you and goes “Some people have not got enough brains to be seen in public.” And all I can say to them, is thank you for understanding.

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