Sunday Funnies With The Hook!


I feel strangely optimistic, which will serve me well, considering the sea of madness I have to swim in on Sundays! First off, we rocked a few buses, as the young people say. Then, we got rocked – by a Japanese tour guide who was a little miffed when we forgot to bring down his clients’ two bags.

“You 50/50! Other hotel I deal with, 100%! You? You 50/50!”

And so Sunday began.

Despite the rough start, my morning was salvaged by a group whose trade show was across the street at another facility. Their materials were stored in our back room, so they required the assistance of a seasoned transportation specialist like myself. Trust me, the terrain is actually rough and even uphill at times!

I realize now that I sound like an old man who spouts tales of walking to school in the snow, uphill both ways, to younger folk. But it is actually a bit of a trek, and so you can count on a decent tip. Which explains why I made the trip three times.

We cross the pond, in a manner of speaking, for our next tale. I loaded a cart with ten small bags and the old British lady in charge took one look and felt remorseful, “Look at it. We have so many odds and sods!”

Apparently that means odds and ends in “cute old lady British speak”.

From England to Germany, I get them all. A group of highly animated Europeans gearboxes decided to have some fun with one of a trio of motorized scooters we had parked beside the Bell Desk. I came through the back door and one of these morons was racing around the lobby in this thing! Of course, “racing” isn’t entirely accurate, but some of these scooters can clock in at a good speed.

As for the jackass in question, his companions had only this to say: “He’s Swiss!”

At least the jackass left within a few minutes and my next call was a nice older couple who even tipped in advance. Now, when someone does that, the bellman makes sure to drop the bags off at the room when it’s ready (sometimes we simply give the guest a tag for the cart and whoever is available serves them at the appropriate time).

And just as things were starting to rock at check-in time…. a bus (and its fifty-plus bags!), arrives to whip the proverbial monkey wrench at my head!

TOUR GUIDE: You have to watch out fellas, we have two Roy Smiths on the passenger list. We use numbered tags, so one Roy Smith is #6 and the other is #20. Remember, #6 goes with his wife, #5, Hazel Smith. The other goes with #19, Marilyn Smith. Got it?

THE HOOK: What if they agreed to swap on this leg of the trip? You know, older folks get bored and like to be adventurous sometimes…

TG: (laughing so much he dropped his papers!) I don’t what they do – just put the bags in the right room!

I eventually arrived at their room, much to their surprise.

HAPPY MALE GUEST: You look just like the other guy!

THE HOOK: They clone us, sir. There’s a whole room of us downstairs!

HAPPY FEMALE GUEST: Well, at least they know enough to clone quality, right?

THE HOOK: I’m simply the cheapest model to produce!

HMG: Well, let’s clone this as well. Here you go!

And so he tipped me again! This clone nearly fainted.

And that was my latest Sunday, I hope yours was uneventful and full of smiles.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

46 Responses to Sunday Funnies With The Hook!

  1. melsar93 says:

    And to think there are some people morally opposed to cloning. Seems to have worked for you.

  2. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    Apparently that means odds and ends in “cute old lady British speak”.
    I want to hear more of this language!

    I love reading about the happy (happier?) days. The wrap-up of this post has me smiling, if feeling a little aggravated with my poor memory based on the fact I can’t actually remember what I did on Sunday.

    Isn’t memory loss supposed to happen in one’s 60s or 70s? Darn it.

  3. mindslam says:

    The conversation part of this was great..made me laugh here at work. The rest of it sounded kinda tough. Great post though.

  4. sonsothunder says:

    Great Post!!! and you’ve been tagged!!! Details arriving soon.

  5. sonsothunder says:

    And if you didn’t get a Pingback message just read my latest post, where you’ll find your link at the bottom, for details. And if you DID get a ping back, would you copy and paste it in comment box on my post please? Just wondering what it actually says, Thanks

  6. You really are a rockstar…just saying…

    • The Hook says:

      That actually means a lot coming from you! By the way, how do I comment on your new blog without a Facebook account or Twiiter? I suppose I could use my wife’s if I had to…

  7. HoaiPhai says:

    Great to hear you didn’t have too traumatic a Sunday!

  8. Cindy says:

    Bwahahaha, too funny!

  9. JM Randolph says:

    Happy Sunday! Great post. I like the “odds and sods” bit. And also your suggestion that the Smiths swap.

  10. raisingdaisy says:

    LMAO! this stuff just keeps getting better and better. LOL!

  11. Jo Bryant says:

    Oh you live the life don’t you – humankind at every expanse – I always feel happy when the feed shows there is a new post up from you – and I’ve never been disappointed.

  12. 😆 @ “This clone nearly fainted.” And I guess being Swiss explains away a lot.

  13. Yay for the good customers! 🙂

  14. Love that! I’m going to use that the next time I do something to embarrass myself in public–which according to my husband is nearly every time I’ve gone out and had cocktails. I’m going to slur “Don’t mind me. I’m Swiss.”

  15. Jeanne Heuer says:

    Hey I just spent two nights in a great hotel in Victoria, B.C. Not a douchebag in sight. Maybe you should move?

  16. irratebass says:

    Great read as always Hook

  17. jennygoth says:

    raining cats n dogs canny bagga chips bits n bods neither here nor there we are a funny lot i suppose i would definately have swapped luggage on the smiths just to nosey in the case see if they had any corsets n whips lol there is only one hook a clone couldnt blog like this always a good read have fun xxjen

  18. Caroline says:

    I love it! What a kind gentleman…and better yet, a tipper! Looks like it turned out to be a much better Sunday.

  19. Androgoth says:

    Another riveting read my wickedly fine friend,
    those guests certainly like to keep you on your
    toes and as for the scooter users, well perhaps
    a bazooka would help? 🙂 lol Well either that or
    a kick in the nether regions 🙂 lol

    Have a wicked rest of evening
    and a superb weekend also 🙂 😉


  20. Mr. Hook… I have to protest your incorrect usage of “it’s”, both in the body of the post, and in at least one comment: “a bus (and it’s fifty-plus bags!)” and “,I’m a shining example of it’s merits!“.

    One I would let pass– two makes my teeth crack. “It’s” means “It is”, not “belong to it.” “I am a shining example of its merits!”, not “I’m a shining example of it is merits!”

    To remember: “It’s a wise dog that scratches its own fleas.” Good luck. 🙂

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