Where were we?
Oh yeah, summer was over and I had just enjoyed two glorious days of freedom. Sarah was back to school and I was back to the grind.
Yep, summer is deader than disco. You could just feel the desperation as I walked into the hotel to start my day. On the plus side, we had two buses to tackle; they were big enough to keep you occupied for a little while, but small enough to avoid breaking your back!
Next up was a couple who stored their bags for breakfast but returned a half-hour later with more than they had the first time! The husband left to hit the restroom, leaving me and the wife to wait for the car.
THE HOOK: You do realize we would have picked everything up from the room, and saved you some time and effort, right miss?
FRUSTRATED WIFE: I don’t know what the hell he’s doing! He doesn’t think!
THE HOOK: If it’s any consolation, you’re not the only wife to feel that way. Perhaps some husbands think saving a few bucks will make them more attractive?
FW: If only!
Wasn’t she awesome?
Then there was the older couple thar renewed my faith in marriage.
OLD HUSBAND: Can I store some luggage with you?
THE HOOK: How many bags, sir?
OH: One and..
OLD WIFE: (Holding up a small bag) This little one, too. It counts as a half, I guess!
OH: So, I guess it’s two and a half, but I’m taking one with me!
She promptly smacked him upside the bald head!
THE HOOK: How is it you’ve managed to survive all these years, sir? Don’t those hits start to have an effect after a year or two?
OH: I’ve had 43 years of her, I’m numb to pain by now!
They laughed like kids and walked away, probably as happy as they were a decade ago. It just warms your heart. I hope I’m married long enough to drive my wife crazy all through her golden years!
Speaking of crazy, I get a call in the afternoon for a check-out (!), and the guest decided it would be a good idea to needle the bellman, just for fun!
GUEST WITHOUT A CLUE: Let me ask you, how long has this place been full-service?
THE HOOK: From Day One, so twelve years now.
GWAC: Oh! I only ask because the last time were here, we took a cart and did it ourselves! And the time before that!
THE HOOK: Did you have to go into a room marked “STAFF ONLY”, by any chance?
GWAC: No, the carts were left out, so we just took one!
THE HOOK: Well, I’m sorry you were treated that way, sir…
GWAC: Which way?
THE HOOK: When you stay in a full-service hotel, you’re not supposed to be treated like a working class dog, but rather a VIP, worthy of respect. Someone obviously fell asleep at the switch and not only did you a disservice, but prevented someone like me from doing their job!
Both he and his wife were quiet for a moment (the desired effect!), and then I accompanied them to the parking garage, loaded their bags, accepted ten dollars from them and we parted ways. Hopefully they were a little wiser, but I’ve learned not to expect too much from people who try to break the rules in the name of saving a few bucks!
Believe it or not, this was a quiet day!
The best day of the week – if you’re not working.
My day started out slooow, at 7 am. An hour later, I had my first call – a young, upscale brunette asked me to deliver three folding chairs, a small duffel bag and a purse to a room with a screaming child and a cursing mom. I completed the task and was paid $4 Canadian.
Yes, I actually manage to not only raise a family, but give my daughter a better-than average life filled with Selena Gomez concerts, weekly trips to the comic book store and UGG boots!
The rest of the day was equally quiet and uneventful, but I expected nothing less. After all, we’re heading into the long, cold winter and you there’s nothing more desolate than a hotel in a Canadian tourist town. I’m more than used to down time.
“THE NEW SHOES: DAY ONE!”
Makes my life seem sort of empty, doesn’t it?
Truthfully, my life is anything but empty; I have a family, friends and of course, hundreds of unhinged travellers to fill my days with laughter – and tears! Let’s concentrate on laughter, shall we?
BEWILDERED HUSBAND: (While loading car with shopping bags) The wife likes to shop!
THE HOOK: I noticed. Isn’t it interesting that Abercrombie & Fitch bags feature shirtless male models?
SHOPAHOLIC WIFE: What do you mean?
BH: He means they all look gay! Like your brother, Ted!
Okay, I didn’t mean that! I don’t even know Ted!
THE HOOK: Actually, I mean the store sells clothing, but the bags feature these shirtless “himbos”! I just find it funny.
But the damage was done.
SW: Ted is just sensitive, that’s all!
BH: Yeah, sensitive – and gay!
I just took my five bucks and hightailed it out of there, another successful call under my belt. The next one, featuring a newlywed couple who couldn’t decide if they wanted help (meaning, they were cheap!), finally relented. The groom, after he inquired if I was married, asked me for advice.
THE HOOK: Practise this phrase, sir, “I have no recollection of the events to which you are referring”.
I love to give back to the people.
- Sunday, Bloody Sunday, Labour Day Hi-Jinks and New Comics! (youvebeenhooked.wordpress.com)