Sunday, Bloody Sunday, Labour Day Hi-Jinks and New Comics!

SUNDAY:

As per usual, the day started quiet, but nutty, with four consecutive people approaching the Bell Desk and pleading “May I borrow a cart?”

Of course, you have to answer politely and explain the whole “Full Service” concept to people whose idea of culture is to dine at a restaurant that doesn’t have a drive-thru! In total, there were nine such requests by 10 am!

As for my first call of the day, it consisted of two families that had their luggage waiting in the hall when I arrived, along with two crisp American ten-dollar bills.

And no, I didn’t faint.

Of course, Fate was just setting me up for call #2: a Yugoslavian Tony Soprano, sporting a wife-beater t-shirt and shouting “You take this for now and I call you later for rest. Wife is downstairs waiting!”

He then handed me a hamster cage – with the hamster! Funny thing though, the little fella stayed hidden in his little clown house (I swear, it had clowns all over it!), until we were clear of the room. He then emerged and proceeded to pull a Spiderman, scaling his cage and checking out the sights and sounds of humanity!

We arrived at the van and the wife, sporting an Old Country headband and outfit, began running around like she was on fire!

OLD COUNTRY WIFE: I am in big hurry!

THE HOOK: I noticed. I’ll take care of everything. You can just take the cage for me….

But the little guy had retreated back to Clown Town! I was going to comment on the effect her family seemed to have on rodents, but I decided against arousing her wrath. Still, the Old Country rodent was actually normal compared to what happened next.

A young, white wannabe rapper sauntered up to the desk, shirtless, his pants hanging low, and sporting a bandaged hand. Oh, and he even had a bunch of moronic tattoos and a cap. I think he was hoping to be recruited for the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

WHITE BREAD PUNK: Hey Boss, can I get some gauze and a bandage?

Wouldn’t you know it? I had nothing in my quiver, no witty zinger to fire his way. We just fixed him up and sent him on his way, hopeful he would run into some real brothers who would go medieval on his white bread ass!

We then had a drunk (at least I hope he was drunk, and not just retarded!), in cargo shorts, his hands firmly entrenched in his deep pockets, who asked where he could find breakfast in the hotel. The funny thing is, he would have had to walk right past our buffet to find the Bell Desk!

There was a lightning strike that set off the fire alarm the night before; I think it set off the gates at the Looney Bin! The tide of weirdness just kept rising.

A young European couple were kissing rather passionately, which is certainly fine, except for the fact they were in line for the Front Desk at the time! He finally broke it off, but I noticed she began to lick her lips and develop a wild look in her eyes. She grabbed him by the back of the neck, but this time she seemed to actually be licking something off his lips. Sure enough, I noticed he had a canister of Pringle’s chips in his bag!

Imagine the new ad campaign? “Pringle’s, flavor so intense, you’ll do ANYTHING to get it!”

I love Sundays.

MONDAY, SEPT. 5 a.k.a. LABOUR DAY!!!

The big day has finally arrived; the season’s last act of madness before falling to the power of Fall and (shudder!), Winter. Let me tell you people, Summer didn’t go without  a fight.

I walked into the lobby at 6:30 am and I thought I was in a bus terminal or airport – there were people sleeping, with pillows and blankets no less, on every bench in the hotel! A power interruption had knocked out the elevators in our largest tower at 4 am and so Front Desk had handed out pillows and blankets to whoever had chosen not to walk up.

The problem was rectified, three hours later! Needless to say, we expected people to be as warm as Simon Cowell when they started departing the hotel in droves, but it wasn’t the lack of hydro that set the crowds off…

ANGRY GUEST #1: (After entering a crowded elevator, with kids) What’s wrong with the elevators, man?

THE HOOK: We have over 800 departures this morning sir.

AG #1: And they’re all leaving NOW?

THE HOOK: (Looking around the full elevator car) Apparently, sir. When you see the lobby you’ll notice hundreds of people waiting for their cars and bags. You’re all in the same boat at the moment.

AG #1: THAT’S BULL!

THE HOOK:(Looking down at a little Asian baby boy just chillin’ in his stroller, sucking his thumb) Stay just as you are, right now! Don’t grow up and get old, grumpy and rude – at 10 am on a holiday!

The captive audience all roared. Especially when the next gearbox got on the elevator.

ANGRY GUEST #2: Hey Bud! Why’s it so busy on the elevators right now?

And the hits just kept on coming. Oddly enough, the rush built to a fevered pitch until about 11:30 and then… nothing. Labour day became  “Nothing Day”, as in nothing was going on. It was eerie actually.

There was still plenty of nuttiness to go around, though. Like this little bit of fun I had at check-in time.

THE HOOK: Bell Desk. How may I help you? 

FEMALE GUEST: Yes, I just wanted to let you know we were in our room…

THE HOOK: Thank you for letting us know, miss!  (And I promptly hung up!)

I would have killed to see the look on her face! I called right back, and she was still laughing, fully immersed in the humor of the situation. Thank the Lord for good sports, right? My next guest was equally good-natured.

PERKY FEMALE GUEST: (On the phone) Yes, we’re in..

THE HOOK: Room 3054, I just need your tag number for the bags and we’ll get them right up to you.

PFG: Look at you! You know our room number and everything! You probably know our tag number too, don’t you?

THE HOOK: Hang on, I’m not Kreskin! I just happen to be able to read the display on the phone!

She continued to chuckle, proving once again, that I can actually have pleasant encounters with guests! 

TUESDAY:

Not only was this a welcome respite from my usual mind-numbing routine, but it was Sarah’s first day at a new school! She actually raised her game since last year – it didn’t take a team of Clydesdales to get her out of bed – and she was ready for whatever her new educational institution had to offer.

But I wasn’t.

I’m very proud of my daughter and the young woman she’s quickly becoming, I just wish her personal evolutionary process would slow down. But it doesn’t work that way, unfortunately.

WEDNESDAY:

New comics, including the “New” New Teen Titans! Pizza! Pork chops for dinner! A night out with the Bell Department! And plenty of exclamation marks!!!

YES, I’M ACTUALLY 41! ISN’T THE WIFE LUCKY?
 
At this point, I think the best course of action is not overstay my welcome in your busy lives, and leave with these final words…
 

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Comic Books, Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

42 Responses to Sunday, Bloody Sunday, Labour Day Hi-Jinks and New Comics!

  1. Lori R. says:

    If the Bell Team went out on Wednesday, WHO WAS MINDING THE STORE?:)

    (old joke, maybe you know it…)

  2. I am glad it’s fall to tell you the truth 🙂 Happy September Hook!!!

    New site up!!
    http://theredneckprincess.net

  3. Androgoth says:

    Another very interesting read Hook and nice to see
    that this one will be continued, and those Pringles are
    notorious for the lip licking scenario, maybe you should
    invest in some, well you never know it could start off a
    new Vampire trend 🙂 lol

    Have a great day and evening now…

    Androgoth

  4. Jo Bryant says:

    I love that you hung up on the woman – and that she saw the humour – LMAO again after a visit here. 🙂

  5. Woman says:

    You know. My favourite blog posts of yours to read are your week in review.

    And a new school for Sarah???? That has got to be exciting for her!!!!! Way to go Papa Hook!!!

  6. renxkyoko says:

    Hmmm, seems like a quiet week for you except for a few oddballs here and there.

    Ah, you’re such a typical sentimental Dad who doesn’t want his little girl to grow up yet! Brace yourself up, Mr. Hook ! You’ll be eyeing her first date up and down before you know it. Hahaha !

  7. I loved the little elevator exchange and the Pringles stories! You always make me laugh! 🙂
    Can’t wait for the next part!

  8. 😆 A Yugoslavian Tony Soprano in a wife beater handing you a hamster cage. I swear you see everything, Hook!

  9. sonsothunder says:

    Yeah,,,I think you should strap on a hidden camera and sell a reality show to Discovery Channel, or BBC. Why should you have all the fun to yourself?
    Just Kidding, but hey, you sound funnier than the cash cab guy already.
    God Bless You
    paul

  10. Re: your close to Tuesday?

    This weekend I got to see a lot of folks who haven’t seen Li’l D since last Christmas. It was saddening to have all the conversations that underscored he’s already two. It feels like yesterday that I brought him home, but . . . these folks who hadn’t seen him for nine months exclaiming how big he is now brought the truth home!

    It’s sad how quickly it happens, but I suppose I’m glad for the reminders to cherish each moment. (Even the ones the involve screaming/flailing/throwing things!) They just fly by too fast.

  11. TBM says:

    A hamster? Really. Who wants to pack wood chips for the hamster?

  12. Eric Sylvester says:

    Ahhhh, the joys of getting backed up and frantically trying to straighten everything out, all the while being nagged by a bunch of people who are kings and queens in their own eyes… SERVE ME NOW!!!!

    Sounds like you handled it a lot better than I would have.

  13. jennygoth says:

    you have such a funny job lol id be telling them to naff off all day long 41 your a baby lol its not just dads who vet their daughters blokes i scare them into behaving lol keep pressing the buttons hook xxjen

  14. HoaiPhai says:

    Was the hamster’s name Fredo?

  15. Caroline says:

    I can’t keep up with the crazy guests. Congrats on the new school for Sarah, that’s very exciting! Time really does fly, huh?

  16. sonsothunder says:

    I’m just posting to activate the notifications to new post and comments…
    But, heck, while I’m at it…My daughter was born like 3 years ago…or at least that’s what it feels like in retrospect. But, in reality, my grandson ( Her Son) will be three this December. All you can do about time flying by, in my opinion, based on some personal regrets…is “Don’t Miss A Minute Of It”…
    God Bless You
    and your family
    paul

  17. Fox@n says:

    love your stories man

  18. Pingback: “To Be Continued” – Concluded! « You've Been Hooked!

  19. jlheuer says:

    Wasn’t there a full moon on Sunday? We always got a weird parade in the library when the moon was full.

  20. sonsothunder says:

    Just stopping in to blog surf ya, and like another great post.
    Bless You –
    Paul

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