Never a dull ride, this Sunday proved especially thrilling considering I was suffering from “Post-Convention Fatigue”!
It’s tough to get back to abnormal once you get your geek on.
The usual batch of check-out shenanigans were present in full force (Hung-over teens, cranky, sexually frustrated cougars, etc.), but it was check-in time that proved to be the real challenge. People tend to leave late on a Sunday, so the housekeeping department is hard pressed to finish rooms on time.
You get Front Desk sending dozens of gearboxes to my desk to store their garbage bags, laundry baskets, and the like, at my desk until check-in time. So you have all these people returning to the desk while hundreds more are just arriving. Scenes like this one are all too common…
ANGRY FEMALE GUEST: Can you help me? There’s a great big line at the Front desk. I want to check-in!
THE HOOK: I’m sorry, miss. I’m not in a position to help you, and you can’t move tot he front of the line unless you have a preferred status card regular guests receive.
AFG: But I have some bags with you!
THE HOOK: Miss, even if i did go to the desk, I’d just be slowing the whole process down and you’d be no further along. In fact, you’d probably be more frustrated by the time I was done!
AFG: That just isn’t right! it just isn’t right…
She just walked away muttering to herself, while I attempted to determine the exact moment my life became such a Gong Show.
More nuttiness, beginning with a small bottle of mouthwash opening in my uniform pocket when I braced a ridiculously heavy bag against my side!
At least I smelled minty-fresh all day.
FREEDOM!!! Just imagine Mel Gibson screaming it, and it will have more effect.
I had this day off, in case you hadn’t guessed.
Yet another day off AND “New Comic Day”, to boot!
Not just any new comic day either, but the first day DC Comics rebooted their entire line of titles. To the average person (who doesn’t live in their Mom’s basement!), this is a pretty big deal. Decades of comic book history wiped out at the whim of a corporation built on a series of cartoons depicting the world’s worst hunter attempting to kill a talking rabbit the size of a man!
Warner Bros. owns DC Comics, by the way. I probably should have mentioned that sooner.
Back to the grind.
ASIAN GENTLEMAN: (Pointing at a bell cart) Can we have one of those things? We have someone in other lobby who cannot walk to room.
THE HOOK: You mean you want to put them on a cart? Perhaps a wheelchair would be best…
AG: That would be good too!
Asians may be responsible for many of our technological wonders, but they’re a little short on “street sense” at times.
While I was recovering from my strange encounter with the Pacific Rim, I noticed one of our bell carts, fully loaded, being used by a family that looked as though they’d all been lobotomized!
THE HOOK: Excuse me sir, but I’ll have to help you with this cart.
LOBOTOMIZED DAD: We got this from across the street. We were staying there, but now we’re checking in here.
THE HOOK: So you brought this over by yourself? (Sure enough, it was a different type of cart!) Carry on, then!
At least they made my day, bless their thieving hearts!
It was a quiet morning, except for lots of stupid phone calls from stupid people. Like this one…
THE HOOK: Good morning, Bell Desk. How may I help you?
YET ANOTHER CLUELESS GUEST: Is this the Tour Desk?
Wouldn’t I have answered, “Tour Desk” if it was actually the Tour Desk?
Then there was the guest who exploded at the Front Desk after she discovered her bag hadn’t been picked up. Of course, they called me to inquire just why this ill-tempered shrew hadn’t been served.
THE HOOK: Is she part of a bus tour?
FRONT DESK: She’s the tour leader of “Dumbass Tours” (Not the actual name, by the way!), and she’s pissed!
THE HOOK: Tell her to check her contract.
FRONT DESK: (After a moment’s pause) Her group hasn’t paid for baggage pick-up!
If the Tour Leader was that clueless, I wonder what the rest of the group was like?
Another quiet start that SOON became “Nutfest 2001”! I arrive at a room, fully prepared to haul away the usual number of bags, plastic and otherwise, when I’m greeted by a Middle-eastern couple who shared the same unnerving smile – and brain.
They had one, small, purple suitcase that they wished to store until after breakfast. Now I had to give them the tag from the cart which would cause problems when they eventually attempted to retrieve the bag, (Trust me, it makes sense if you’re a bellman!). I take the requisite moment to curse them in my head, and then take the bag and head back to my desk, my pockets empty, and my head slung in defeat.
The best part of the story? They followed me down so they could check-out! They could have easily dropped the bag off themselves, but where’s the fun in that, right? Better to put the screws to The Hook; it’s a cheap thrill that never gets old.
Then a young couple decides to store three small items. Sounds simple enough, right? Not for today’s youth…
YOUNG GOOFBALL: Yeah, I need to store this luggage (A small duffel), this bag (Leftover take-out) and this..
YG’s GIRLFRIEND: Not that! (She attempts to retrieve her laptop, which had no case or protection whatsoever, from his grip, but he resists vigorously). It’s a $1,500 laptop!
For the record, there was no way her smudged, chipped piece of hardware was worth $1,500. She wasn’t even worth that much!
YG: It’ll be fine! Let them take it!
At this point the girl starts to hyperventilate, just a little, but enough to send off my spider-sense!
THE HOOK: The best thing I can suggest is to hold onto the laptop, since the idea of storing it is making you uncomfortable (To say the least!), and then you can get back the rest of the bags later.
YG: No, you guys can take it. I’m sure it’ll be fine!
Can you believe this anteater? His girlfriend is trembling and changing color and he thinks everything is fine! They’ll probably have unprotected sex in the room and eventually reproduce, thus sending the human race further down the evolutionary ladder.
And on that uplifting note, this concludes my latest wrap-up of the crazy week that was. Time to read some Marvel comics, they haven’t screwed those up yet.
- DC Comics starts fresh, in demand in Laredo (quefregados.wordpress.com)