When D-Bags Breed….

HOOK’S NOTE: As I write this, my morning has thus far been a complete wash-out – literally. I’m soaked through to my Superman boxers, even with a umbrella!

Oh, and did I mention I was, as they say, —-blocked by my own damn animals? They decided to race upstairs and alert the entire family to the fact they were up and ready to go.

So even though Life had already rained on my parade (so to speak), it decided I deserved some more.

At any rate, enjoy this little rant I spewed out a week ago. I’m going to search for a bag of ice and a warm corner to dry off!

They just introduce more douchebags into The Hook’s ecosystem!

Case in point: the clueless bastard who, like so many before him,  requested his own cart. He just stood in front of the desk, silent in his ignorance, as his feeble mind attempted to process the concept of  full-service hotel.

CLUELESS BASTARD: Okay, well, thanks for the help..bud!

Apparently The Hook is to be referred to as “Bud” from this moment forth. At any rate, he tapped the desk and stumbled off.

I’m really going to have to petition maintenance to install a trap door in front of the Bell Desk. But Clueless Bastard’s saga wasn’t over. A few minutes later, a young blond lady requested help with her bags.

Guess who she, in her not-so-infinte wisdom, decided to marry and breed with?

And so The Hook found himself facing Clueless Bastard once more. I managed to avoid uttering a single syllable all the way to the room and then, fortunately for me, both douchebags ignored me until I finished my labors. As I was leaving however, they decided to stiff me and then add insult to injury.

WIFE OF CLUELESS BASTARD: Can we get you to help us on the way out?

THE HOOK: You can certainly try, Miss!

Mandatory IQ tests and government-controlled contraception, this is definitely the way to go.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

48 Responses to When D-Bags Breed….

  1. Hook- I’m visiting your area of the world right now. The rain woke me at 7:30 a.m. I’m afraid to walk the dog!

    Maybe it’s in your archives somewhere… but I really think you need to add a page on your blog (a page, not a post) that lists The Rules of Tipping. I have read $1.00/bag, I have read $2.00/bag, and, no offense buddy, you seem to think it’s something people should have an instinct for, the way birds build a nest. Believe me, I think most people are douchebags too… but many are just Folk who seldom stay in hotels and just don’t know the rules.

    And I just want you to know that, even in the smallest motels where I park at the door and carry my own bags from trunk to room, I always leave $2.00 every day for the cleaning staff. Is that enough?

  2. HoaiPhai says:

    If I printed up little cards with the hotel tipping formula I posted a while back, do you think your hotel would buy them and hand them out to guests, or at least to the proven douchebags?

  3. penpusherpen says:

    I’m sorry Hook, (Bud?) but your down days make me feel that mine aren’t all that bad, or at least not as bad as I thought. 😀 and I think a trap door at the bell desk would serve you well, but where should it lead? … A crocodile pit?… or just one that’s bottomless?… and before I forget… Superman boxers eh?… xPenx

  4. Spectra says:

    Tough day, Bud.

    I remember working in hotels and restaurants. The D-Bags are always the ones who cause the most trouble, work you the hardest, are never satisfied, were born to complain, take pleasure in the feeling of control over another human beings life and actions for a few minutes. And they always STIFF you on the tip. One gets the very real feeling what these people want out of life is a remote controll to make you fast forward, pause, and switch mind channels for them. If they ever invent such a remote controll, what they don’t realize is, staff will be the first to buy it and use it on the D-Bags. Hit the “OFF” button often. And add a new feature: EXPLODE!

  5. christel42 says:

    People are dumb. Period. Hope your weekend gets better!

  6. The whole “asking if they can use the cart” thing still gets me. Don’t they know, even from movies, that they don’t use the bell cart? Ugh. Truly ignorant.

  7. flaauthor says:

    Another home run for The Hook! Thank you for joining me in rounding up all of the clueless rednecks that surround me, and eviscerating them!

  8. raisingdaisy says:

    OMG they really do find you, don’t they!?!

  9. vampirelover17 says:

    Hi, it’s wifey…. YOU’VE BEEN CAUGHT!!!

  10. bmj2k says:

    This is weird but true. Until today I never heard anyone in real life call another person “Bud.” I’ve heard Bub” but not “Bud.” Anyway, just this afternoon I heard someone call a waiter “Bud” and now I read it here. What is happening, bud?

  11. My childhood nIckname is Bud…


  12. LOL…I propose the trap door locks them in a windowless, doorless white room where Muzak is constantly played at a high volume 🙂

  13. What gets me about the D-bags you come across is – I’d let someone else do the work anytime. Ain’t it obvisous ?!

  14. gmom says:

    Another hilarious post BudHook. Where would your blogfriends be without the ubiquitous douchbags????

  15. countoncross says:

    Thanks Bud! I don’t understand people like this…..I am always worried I don’t give enough so I give extra. I can’t imagine not giving anything and being rude!

  16. Caroline says:

    It rained on us randomly yesterday, then warmed up to a whopping 80 degrees. Weird. Sorry your day didn’t start too well! Can’t ever get away from those douchebags, can ya??

  17. your life is like a freaky roller coaster!

  18. Classy, classic response. Unfortunately, I’m sure it was wasted on the unintelligent.

  19. Jeanne Heuer says:

    Too bad you can’t take pictures and post them in the break room, like a douchbag hall of fame (or infamy)

  20. brittany220 says:

    Sounds like another fun experience for you working with people! And I agree, “Bud” does sound a little condescending.

  21. AGFTMW says:

    I can’t even imagine not tipping @ a hotel. I would feel like a total douche for stiffing someone.
    Your responses and cleverness are truly priceless!

  22. mizqui says:

    Awesome write. Darn D-Bags! But they’re great writing material. LOL! I know of a few D-Bags around here … I was hoping they may be the same ones that ran into you @ the hotel but Texas is quite a ways away, so…. KEEP WRITING HOOK. You highlight the humor in it well. (-;

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