How Megan Fox Made Me A Better Dad.

Megan Fox.

Image via Wikipedia

Well, not so much “made”, as “forced”.

Regardless, the fact remains that I’ve stumbled upon Fox’s intended purpose in this world, beyond being masturbatory fodder, I mean.

Her life plan inspires others to ask the really tough, yet important questions.

Let me illuminate you. It all started when I took my lovely daughter to see Michael Bay‘s ode to senseless violence, hot cars and even hotter women,Transformers 3.

SARAH: “Why wasn’t Megan Fox in this one?”

On the surface, it was simple question. Unfortunately, the answer required a history lesson to be complete.

THE HOOK: “Well. she compared the director, Michael Bay, to Hitler..”

SARAH: “But did she really deserve to be fired over that?”

THE HOOK: “Well, the problem is, Steven Spielberg is an executive producer on the movie, and once he heard about what she said, she was done like dinner!”

Director Stephen Spielberg speaking at the Pen...

Image via Wikipedia

SARAH: “Why would he care?”

THE HOOK: “Spielberg is the self-appointed Captain America of the Jewish people. He’s also the ultimate Hollywood Momma’s Boy, which is why he made a film called Schindler’s List, which was about the Holocaust.”

I should have seen this next question coming. I mean, Stevie Wonder could have seen it, but not The Hook!

SARAH: “What’s the Holocaust?”

I actually thought Sarah had been given a WWII primer in school, but I guess it’s still a bit early for that. And so, I had to dive right into a description of one of the greatest acts of horror one group of people ever visited upon another.

THE HOOK: “The German people were jealous of the Jewish people, who owned a lot of land and businesses in Germany at the time. Hitler took advantage of that resentment and fanned it into pure hatred. He promised to restore the country to its former glory by forcing the Jews onto trains and shipping them away to camps.”

SARAH: “What kind of camps?”

THE HOOK: “Concentration camps where they were experimented on and tortured. Most of them didn’t survive. I could tell you so much more, especially since your Great Grandmother was German, but that should do it for now, right?”

Of course, that was far from “it’, but how could I hope to summarize the near-extinction of an entire race? Sarah took her time before answering, her twelve-year-old brain was no doubt still reeling. My kid is a real trooper, though; comes from good genes.  

SARAH:“Yeah, I think I’ve got it, sorta. You’d think Megan Fox would know better than to mess with a powerful Hollywood Momma’s Boy like Steven Speilberg, wouldn’t you?”

THE HOOK: “Well she does now!”

And so I guess I owe Fox a debt of thanks for forcing me to “up my game” in the Dad department. I finished my parental lecture with another piece of advice I gleamed from monitoring Fox’s life.

“Don’t spend your childhood eating paint chips and sniffing glue unless you want to grow up to be a hottie with a vacant look behind your eyes!”

Words to live by.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Movies, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to How Megan Fox Made Me A Better Dad.

  1. gmom says:

    Wow Fox is a dog! Good Dadding there Hook, and smart youngster with good questions. On to Darfur.

  2. Woman says:

    Ohhhh….. fantastic question from Little Miss The Hook!!! That says a lot about you as a dad Mister The Hook!

  3. Caroline says:

    For some reason, I really don’t like Megan Fox. Yeah, she’s attractive, but a bit weird and conceited, as her statement proves! That’s such a dad moment, having to explain on the spot. I’d say you did a very fine job hook. 🙂

  4. Wow…From Megan Fox to the Nazi’s and concentration camps….I even learned something here……I only knew she was fired cause she pissed off someone…

  5. Is it me or does she resemble a younger Angelina Jolie? I wonder what that skinny-ass, home-wrecking whore feels like now to know she’s been bested? Sorry. I’m still pissed at her for ruining my whole Brad Pitt crush years ago. Now I can’t watch a movie with him in it without wrinkling my nose and thinking, “What a pig!”

  6. renxkyoko says:

    I really don’t know why she would be fired by calling someone a Hitler, unless, the someone was a Jew, so yeah, that would be quite offensive . Maybe Michael Bay was really being a terror on the set, and Megan Fox, being a straightforward girl, or so I heard, just called a spade a spade. Terror = Hitler. So what’s wrong with that?

  7. So, umm, I might have a chance to speak to Megan Fox about her upcoming (Family) movie on the phone. If only I could sell this.

  8. Pingback: Kids Pure Hook

  9. mairedubhtx says:

    A good teaching opportunity. Well done.

  10. irratebass says:

    I had no idea she was fired……..I just thought she was bored with all the CGI that Bay LOVES to over-use…..sorry rant over, thanks for the educational post.

  11. HoaiPhai says:

    Wow! All kidding aside, that was the best single-paragraph explanation for the holocaust and Hitler’s rise to power I’ve seen. Ever!

  12. “Don’t spend your childhood eating paint chips and sniffing glue unless you want to grow up to be a hottie with a vacant look behind your eyes!”

    😆 Sage advice, dad!!

  13. xeriouslywtf says:

    Can you please let me know when your daughter starts her blog?

  14. penpusherpen says:

    just goes to show you’re a great Dad, getting the point across and also able to advise on life at the same time. Take your opportunities whilst you may….when the young mind is open to suggestion, (the window of opportunity doesn’t seem to last long methinks!!) xPenx

  15. brittany220 says:

    I didn’t know that about Megan Fox either, interesting! And I liked the dialogue between you and your daughter, very cute!

  16. Jeanne Heuer says:

    Good job Dad. But you got Rosie Huntington Whiteley so I think you traded up.

  17. eva626 says:

    Who knew you could educate your kid when talking about Fox?

  18. Kim says:

    I just wanted to ask you how you came up with the idea to this topic XD

  19. Ipodman says:

    Wow, amazing how Megan Fox can lead to a full-blown history lesson. You are a good dad indeed!

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