This casually dressed Middle Eastern gentleman rolled into the hotel in a rented Lamborghini that, unfortunately for him and anyone else in his path, turned out to be a lemon.
Along with his female partner-in-crime, he cut a bloody path of verbal destruction across the hotel that culminated in a showdown with the tow operator assigned to retrieve his ill-fated rental. Only after the vehicle was loaded onto the flatbed truck did the guest refuse to pay the $500 towing fee!
After a major throw down, the tow operator returned the lemon to its original position and the guest agreed to wait for a replacement car. He then proceeded to take a single bag to the Bell Desk and inquired if there was charge to store it!
As the Lamborghini became a target for the deck’s bird population, a guest left a full cart’s worth of bags on the ground while he fought the Front Desk over what he perceived as price gouging! His Jeep’s back door just sat open for nearly an hour. Ultimately, he was vanquished, as was his bellman, whose pocket remained light as his spirits grew heavier.
Budget cutbacks, a dwindling student body and the discovery of a secret government cryogenics lab in the basement have led to the closing of my daughter’s school, so we attended her “graduation” ceremony. It was filled with the usual pre-teen shenanigans perpetrated by hordes of screaming animals, I mean kids.
Like a good father, I whisked my child out of there immediately after the proceedings and treated her to McDonald’s and a screening of Michael Bay‘s latest “epic”, Transformers 3! Of course, there was that one awkward moment when the camera lingers on Rosie Huntington-Whitley’s butt and my daughter’s inner feminist was unleashed! “That’s soo inappropriate!” was repeated several times, As was, “Why do they have to show that?”
For Daddy, honey. Definitely for Daddy.
As for my wife, she found something she found more enjoyable to do, namely watching a coat of paint dry.
After enjoying a stack Wednesday’s comics, I attended to my duties as a husband and dad – moving a fridge into the basement and driving Sarah to karate.
Back to the grind, but with the usual summer flair. An African-American family took a picture of their cart before I took it away, “We packed in a hurry, so I couldn’t inventory everything!” was the wife’s explanation. They weren’t alone in their madness, of course, but they definitely stood apart from their D-bag brethren.
However, I did receive a huge gratuity from a man whose ethnic background usually precludes such generosity, so that single act became my armor for the rest of the day.
As a rule, I try to avoid guests who allow their children to call for luggage pick-up or other services; you just can’t assume the little ones aren’t messing around. So of course, I was apprehensive when a little voice called me to a room.
Turns out I was right. The room was filled with screaming kids, a neglectful mother, aunt, grandma and a whole mess of bags! After making me wait fifteen minutes in the lobby, the kids showed up minus the incompetent parental units and proceeded to order me around like a certain little dictator did recently!
After loading the car, I was given a shiny Canadian dollar coin which I returned immediately. I opted to wait for Mom to arrive and tip me properly.
She did – by upgrading the gratuity by 56 cents!
What can I say about this day that hasn’t been recorded in this blog already? Sundays are a thrill ride through a dilapidated amusement park that should have been shut down by the authorities! Every whacko in the general area gravitates to The Hook’s desk.
I started out strong, with $20 from a nice white bread family, but the situation soon deteriorated into the usual series of run-ins with one D-bag after another!
- Like the guest whose teenage son wanted me to help him strap himself to the roof of their truck with the bags!
- The moron who hired himself a hooker for the weekend – who was built like an amazon!
- An Asian cowboy, always interesting, if only to me!
- A musician who looked and acted like a grown-up Shaggy, and kept saying, “Thanks, man!”
Oh well, I could always use blog fodder, right?
So that was a typical summer week in the life of The Hook. Makes you wonder just why I stay sober, right?
- “Transformers 3”: Did Michael Bay rip off his OWN… (shortformblog.tumblr.com)