A Week In The Life Of The Hook!

Lamborghini logo.

Image via Wikipedia

MONDAY:

 This casually dressed Middle Eastern gentleman rolled into the hotel in a rented Lamborghini  that, unfortunately for him and anyone else in his path, turned out to be a lemon.

Along with his female partner-in-crime, he cut a bloody path of verbal destruction across the hotel that culminated in a showdown with the tow operator assigned to retrieve his ill-fated rental. Only after the vehicle was loaded onto the flatbed truck did the guest refuse to pay the $500 towing fee!

After a major throw down, the tow operator returned the lemon to its original position and the guest agreed to wait for a replacement car. He then proceeded to take a single bag to the Bell Desk and inquired if there was charge to store it!

Douchebag.

TUESDAY:

As the Lamborghini became a target for the deck’s bird population, a guest left a full cart’s worth of bags on the  ground while he fought the Front Desk over what he perceived as price gouging! His Jeep’s back door just sat open for nearly an hour. Ultimately, he was vanquished, as was his bellman, whose pocket remained light as his spirits grew heavier.

WEDNESDAY:

Budget cutbacks, a dwindling student body and the discovery of a secret government cryogenics lab in the basement have led to the closing of my daughter’s school, so we attended her “graduation” ceremony. It was filled with the usual pre-teen shenanigans perpetrated by hordes of screaming animals, I mean kids.

Like a good father, I whisked my child out of there immediately after the proceedings and treated her to McDonald’s and a screening of  Michael Bay‘s latest “epic”, Transformers 3! Of course, there was that one awkward moment when the camera lingers on Rosie Huntington-Whitley’s butt and my daughter’s inner feminist was unleashed! “That’s soo inappropriate!” was repeated several times, As was, “Why do they have to show that?”

For Daddy, honey. Definitely for Daddy.

As for my wife, she found something she found more enjoyable to do, namely watching a coat of paint dry.

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: MICHAEL BAY IS A GENIUS!

THURSDAY:

After enjoying a stack Wednesday’s comics, I attended to my duties as a husband and dad – moving a fridge into the basement and driving Sarah to karate.

Domestic bliss.

FRIDAY:

Back to the grind, but with the usual summer flair. An African-American family took a picture of their cart before I took it away, “We packed in a hurry, so I couldn’t inventory everything!” was the wife’s explanation. They weren’t alone in their madness, of course, but they definitely stood apart from their D-bag brethren.

However, I did receive a huge gratuity from a man whose ethnic background usually precludes such generosity, so that single act became my armor for the rest of the day.

SATURDAY:

As a rule, I try to avoid guests who allow their children to call for luggage pick-up or other services; you just can’t assume the little ones aren’t messing around. So of course, I was apprehensive when a little voice called me to a room.

Turns out I was right. The room was filled with screaming kids, a neglectful mother, aunt, grandma and a whole mess of bags! After making me wait fifteen minutes in the lobby, the kids showed up minus the incompetent parental units and proceeded to order me around like a certain little dictator did recently!

After loading the car, I was given a shiny Canadian dollar coin which I returned immediately. I opted to wait for Mom to arrive and tip me properly.

She did – by upgrading the gratuity by 56 cents!

SUNDAY:

What can I say about this day that hasn’t been recorded in this blog already? Sundays are a thrill ride through a dilapidated amusement park that should have been shut down by the authorities! Every whacko in the general area gravitates to The Hook’s desk.

I started out strong, with $20 from a nice white bread family, but the situation soon deteriorated into the usual series of run-ins with one D-bag after another!

  • Like the guest whose teenage son wanted me to help him strap himself to the roof of their truck with the bags!
  • The moron who hired himself a hooker for the weekend – who was built like an amazon!
  • An Asian cowboy, always interesting, if only to me!
  • A musician who looked and acted like a grown-up Shaggy, and kept saying, “Thanks, man!”

Oh well, I could always use blog fodder, right?

So that was a typical summer week in the life of The Hook. Makes you wonder just why I stay sober, right?

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Life, Movies, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

57 Responses to A Week In The Life Of The Hook!

  1. mairedubhtx says:

    You had quite a week, didn’t you?

  2. Woman says:

    Are you sure you are not on a roller coaster ride???

  3. I like your guests 😀
    whether at work or at home, you always have someone to deal with 😉

  4. raisingdaisy says:

    Maybe you’re living in an alternate reality and your real life still awaits you…. 😉

    Love the stories!

  5. penpusherpen says:

    wonderful, Hook, for me to read I mean, I actually felt I was standing behind you watching everything unfold, (except enough folding money) …. As you say, without such multi-faceted people /strange and not so strange alike/ you’d have a very short blog.
    Now, was there really a secret government cryogenics lab in the basement of your daughters school? I warn you I am gullible 😀 xPenx

  6. Aw….dealing with the public. We should get paid more just for taking so much bs. I don’t miss the 500-seat restaurant I worked at in Niagara Falls..oh the things I’ve seen and heard people do. Some people should just never leave their house, like never.

  7. Makes ME want to drink for you….

  8. We can always hope that this week is better. Hang in there Hook.

  9. hawleywood40 says:

    Awesome read, but now I need a nap to recover from your week : )!

  10. Kim says:

    But I have to admit that Rosie’s butt is in a very good shape!

  11. How you stay sober? I’m wondering how you stay sane… Must be the comics…..

  12. irratebass says:

    “For Daddy, honey. Definitely for Daddy.”

    Classic, def had a better week than I…thanks for sharing.

  13. eva626 says:

    its good to see everyone is having an interesting week lol.
    yours was just too interesting!!! haha

  14. Like I’ve said before….you could write a book about your job and I would so read it…along with many others, I’m sure! 🙂

  15. We do stray into politically incorrect territory, don’t we? I have to admit to being curious which ethnic group is the cheap one… so many spring to mind.

  16. brittany220 says:

    Sounds like a busy and interesting week Hook!

  17. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Asian cowboys, Amazonian Hookers, Shaggy, man, haha…………and that’s just one week !!!

  18. renxkyoko says:

    You definitely meet all sorts of people…. That’s quite fascinating ! Everyday, there’s always something happening. Next time I check into a hotel, I’ll look at the hotel staffer in the eye , smile, and say, ” Please don’t judge me”… LOL

  19. Caroline says:

    Definitely makes me wonder why you stay sober, ha! But you’re a natural at dealing with these crazy people/douche bags, so I have faith you’ll make it through. 🙂
    I’ve heard Transformers 3 was really good. I need to get myself to the theater to check it out, though, I’m saving up for the last Harry Potter next week. Yes, I’m a nerd and still a fan/going to the midnight showing!

    • The Hook says:

      My daughter was planning on going to the midnight show, but I work the next morning so her twelve-year-old hopes have been dashed!
      Enjoy!

  20. jlheuer says:

    Sounds like another week of blog fodder. I agree with your daughter on Transformers, I could do w/o the butt but I’m a Mommy not a Daddy and I understand. I’ll just watch Ryan Reynolds take off his shirt in Green Lantern and be happy.

  21. Wow. You encounter the most interesting/maddening people, Hook!!

  22. Oooh…you had to deal with the with lil Napoleon again. Ha..ha..
    I gotta tell ya, I know you bitch, but after the monotony that is my life I would love just one week of your madness. Not that I wouldn’t get fired almost immediately, but if I knew I didn’t ‘have’ to stay, I could really have some fun with all that shit. Parents who don’t tend to their children in public are NEVER off limits to me. I had three and they minded, or I’d drag their butts right into the bathroom, and they’d mind when they came out. I have no respect for those that say “Wait till I get you home”. Who are they kidding? I tried that. By the time I got them home I was too exhausted from dealing with them to punish them. Live and learn.
    You sound like such a good daddy by spending quality time with your girl. Well, sans the “For Daddy, honey. Definitely for Daddy”, but we knew that’s what you thought and not what you said……wasn’t it? 😉

  23. agftmw says:

    Damn, I am drinking a lemon drop martini in your honor @ lunch today! Cheers to Hook and your patience.

  24. countoncross says:

    So funny…I love your blog. Who lets thier kids order around an adult…so rude!

    • hotelnerd says:

      You’d be surprised. There are parents, especially those with money that are used to pawning their kids off on the nannies that if they actually take the kids away on their own without the hired help, have no idea how to discipline or control them.

      A hotel I worked at had a “private club” component to it. One of the club members brought his kids with him along with his flavor of the month girl friend. He got a suite for him and his lady and a standard room for his kids, in entirely separate buildings. It was an old historic property and the kids took great joy in bouncing off the beds, walls, and running down the halls screaming like little monsters and knocking on every single door. Thankfully we didn’t have an elevator or they would have been pressing all the buttons! The father wasn’t willing/able to control his children, instead he delegated that responsibility to Hotel security and the rest of the staff. The least he could have done was brought their actual nanny with them for the night, it’s not like he was spending any quality time with them.

    • The Hook says:

      You said it, sister!

  25. I would have strapped the lad on the roof. Ask and you shall receive.

    In regards to tipping…I overtip. Always remember that if you stereotype a group and then one person surprises you, your stereotype is no longer valid.

  26. hotelnerd says:

    I think the really important question didn’t get addressed in this post. I haven’t seen Transformer’s 3 yet, so can you tell me did Rosie Huntington Whitley supersede Megan Fox in sheer hotness? I’m still not sold yet.

    I’m always down for a couple hours of gratuitous explosions and transforming robots though. Anyone that expects more out of those movies has lost their mind.

  27. bmj2k says:

    Transformers 3? Couldn’t drag me there with the promise of a lapdance from Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. On the other hand, after the people you dealt with, all those robots must seem quite normal by comparison.

  28. Jo Bryant says:

    What a week – I am jealous you’ve seen Transformers 3. 🙂

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