Behold! A Truly Terrifying Creature From The Isle Of Japan!

The answer to the riddle that is the Middle East peace process?

Just drop a Japanese female tour guide on the negotiating table.


One of two things will happen: the political players will grab weapons within minutes and the room will erupt in a hail of gunfire which will eliminate everyone that has been hindering the process for years, OR the guide will be so annoying the two major players will give into anything she asks just to escape the room!

If you haven’t guessed by now, The Hook was nearly driven insane by a Japanese tour guide this morning!

To be fair, the Bell Desk did mix-up her group’s baggage pick-up and departure times, but we’re only human. And woefully underpaid. Her reaction though, was a little over the top.

Just imagine a squirrel after three cups of coffee and a hit of acid!

Then double that.

I was right in the middle of helping a lovely young lady and her saintly grandmother take their luggage out when two more women needed their bags stored. In drops “Tour Squirrel” and all hell breaks loose. She just walks past all of us and attempts to walk into a restricted area, no doubt searching for “luggages”.

THE HOOK: Can I help you miss?

Anyone else would have stopped walking, but Tour Squirrel just motored on through, until The Hook put his arm out and blocked her path of destruction!

TOUR SQUIRREL: Luggages! (Her voice, drenched in a stereotypical accent, was loud and deeply annoying.)

It’s important to note that I didn’t actually know for certain just what was happening, but experience has taught me a lesson or two about Oriental tour guides and what sets them off.

THE HOOK: I’m afraid I don’t have any group bags back there miss.

TOUR SQUIRREL: My people ready to leave! Where luggages?

THE HOOK: They must still be upstairs, miss. I’ll go up and get them as soon as I’m done here.

Tour Squirrel stormed off, no doubt in search of a samurai sword with which to restore her honor!

You lack honor Hook-san!

And so I set off to retrieve her bags and when I returned, less than five minutes later, she was in the middle of the lobby yelling at my supervisor who had already brought down one load! Not only that, but she had began yelling at him when he first entered the lobby and followed him all the way to the bus. She kept yelling even after the bags were unloaded and he was returning inside for more.

As he was rounding a corner that bordered a flower bed, Tour Squirrel was so consumed with rage she failed to take note of her surroundings and fell right into the lovely flowers!

This didn’t slow her down at all.

She was ready for Round Two with The Hook. I did my best to avoid a second confrontation, but she wouldn’t stop complaining, even when the bus driver stood up for the bell department! I tried to explain that we had delivered her bags, which we normally allot an hour for, in fifteen minutes! She was a little behind schedule, but the situation was under control.

But the language barrier was too overwhelming.

The Hook doesn’t speak crazy.

TOUR SQUIRREL:(screaming) Don’t give me excuses!

At that moment, I realized that if I was on her turf, Tour Squirrel would attempt to have me executed for incompetence! Here in Canada, though, when a tour guide screams at you, it’s best to finish the task at hand and beat a hasty retreat. It’s either that, or you beat the tour guide!

Unfortunately, that sort of thing is frowned upon here in North America.

Damn animal rights activists.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Humor, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

58 Responses to Behold! A Truly Terrifying Creature From The Isle Of Japan!

  1. Oh, the crap you have to eat. Sounds like you handled it like a good Canadian, eh?

    There was once a contest where people were asked to fill in the blank: As Canadian as _____.

    Margaret Atwood submitted, “As Canadian as possible, under the circumstance.”

    Hope the bell desk is as normal as possible, under the circumstances,

  2. penpusherpen says:

    OOoo I’d love to see a Samurai sword, though not in those circumstances. Such a bitch, but somehow, with a squirrel head I was rather taken and nearly said awww!! … Second round with boxing gloves maybe? 😀 xPenx

  3. raisingdaisy says:

    Hahaha It’s amazing to me how you see the humor in all these taxing situations! I guess it’s better than the alternative, right?! I’d love to hear the conversation over your dinner table…and holidays must be a blast! 😉

  4. Woman says:

    Don’t give me excuses!!!!! I love it!!! Sorry you have to go through this day to day, but there has to be some sort of funny thoughts when you think about it as it is happening???

    The Hook’s Inner Voice; “You are such a douchebag. My readers are sooooo going to love you!!!”

  5. renxkyoko says:


    Are you sure she was a Japanese tour guide? I’d understand the behavior if she was , uhm, maybe a Singaporean or someone from Hongkong. They are quite rude even under normal circumstances. So much so that their governments have to put up posters telling the citizenry to smile and be nice to tourists. In Hongkong, a window shopper cannot stand in front of the store. the shopkeeper will yell at you to go away, you’re blocking the business. Yeah, that bad.

  6. Caroline says:

    HAHA! This is hysterical, and how fitting that she fell in the bed of flowers. I think she just might have had that coming. At least you didn’t have to push her–she did it all on her own. 🙂

  7. I almost fell out of my computer chair laughing! Those pictures of squirrels were hilarious and I wish I could have seen the tour guide fall into the flowers! I would have cracked up right there! 🙂

  8. mairedubhtx says:

    Loved this post, even though it was rough for you. And the pics were great!

  9. irratebass says:

    Awesome! I like the Squirrel pics too. Sometimes I think your job would be cool, then I read your blog and it sounds a lot like mine at times (Truck dispatcher for semis)

  10. Squirrel was so consumed with rage she failed to take noteof her surroundings and fell right into the lovely flowers!

    😆 Karma is your friend, Hook. I never really liked squirrels. They’re rats with fashion sense.

  11. Whoa! That Japanese lady seemed quite hyped up! Guess she had an overdose of Redbull 🙂

  12. The remedy for all this madness is to just drink more.
    I’m doing drunken blogging today, which is a bit better than drunk-calling cause no one has to actually deal with me. Hmmm…think there’s a problem in the making?

  13. Aaron Babcock says:

    She didn’t even spare the poor flower bed from her wrath.

  14. mindslam says:

    Man, you make this job sound like something we all should be doing. Never a dull moment!

  15. Yogizilla says:

    You know, the more I read your blog, the more I learn that some jobs are great career options and skill-builders, others are good for building great stories, and some are both – I’d say you’re in the last group! Customer service is no easy mission. The customer is always right? I think that is a mantra for desperate businesses at times.

    It’s funny you mention annoying Asian accents. I love the Japanese, for the most part, but my significant other can’t stand their accents. Guess I have to watch Japanese movies and Anime mostly alone… =oX

  16. Yogizilla says:

    Awww crap.. I did something that annoys me to no end when others do it: I wrote “your” instead of “you’re”. *puts a bullseye on himself* =oP

  17. Kim says:

    Damned Squirrel!

  18. Oh man, don’t the quips come to you when it’s all over and too late. You’d want to stand in front of her, one arm waves right, one arm waves left, “Wax on, wax off” . 🙂

  19. eva626 says:

    tour squirrel..LOL hahaha

  20. Errign says:

    I’m glad you see the humor in some of the situations and people you have to deal with! 🙂

  21. Kim says:

    Hahaha, I love that squirrel picture 😀

  22. Pingback: Two Admissions to a Neighborhood Trolley Tour from Lenzner Coach Lines. Two Options Available. » Get your daily Groupon deals

  23. Tour Squirrel: my new favorite term. I’m going to share that with my buddies that are still out on the road. And the pics are awesome.

  24. Where’s that dog from “Up” when you need him? “Squirrel!” LOL!


  25. hi really funny story but not so much for you lol great pics too would love your job id be strangling them all xxjen

  26. jlheuer says:

    Very good Hook-san

  27. ROFL! *wipes tears from eyes* Oh man that was damn funny. Can’t believe it took me so long to read this. Your stories are just hilarious and they keep me coming back for more. Now that I’m caught up on email I’ll try to be more timely with my responses 😀

  28. brittany220 says:

    Haha wow you really do get to meet the weirdest people! I love the pictures of the squirrels by the way, they’re very funny!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s