Fun With Horny Idiots!

Charlie Sheen in March 2009

Image via Wikipedia

I haven’t tracked down the cause, but this Easter weekend seemed to draw every nutjob out from under every rock in The Hook’s neck of the woods.

Maybe the Easter Bunny has been hanging out with Charlie Sheen and he decided to spike the chocolate this year! I just don’t know.

So I’m making my way to a room, my cart filled with actual luggage for once, when I encounter a young couple, (He was seventeen and she was maybe sixteen at the most!) who were attempting to give each a tonsillectomy! They had planted themselves, with her on top, on one of the hall chairs situated right in the middle of the main traffic route.

Luckily, my destination was eight feet from the amorous couple and I was afforded a perfect view of two horny idiots in all their glory. Fortunately, my guests came to the door immediately but that didn’t slow down Brad and Angelina-lite, who carried on in spite of the steady stream of travellers walking by.

Once my work was done, (with a decent tip, thank God!) and I headed back to the relative sanctity of my desk, I was reminded of another young  couple, equally brazen, I encountered a few years ago.

It was another crowded holiday weekend in the dead of winter and I couldn’t help but notice our food and beverage manager was captivated by our hotel waterfall. I soon discovered it wasn’t the water that caught his attention.

“Two of our young guests are getting amorous in the waterfall.” he chuckled, and then went on his way, requesting that I allow my discretion to reign supreme over my baser instincts.

Yeah, right.

Soon there was group of fifteen of us watching a young girl slowly move up and down as her partner sat in the waterfall, his back against the glass that separated the seating area facing the pool on the other side of he waterfall. Oh, and did I mention it was 5:30 in the afternoon?

On a Saturday?

The crowd of employees was about 30 feet away and no one was in the seating area at the time. That combined with the fact the female had eyes only for her partner in carnal crime, ensured a show that seemed to last forever. Until one of out concierge decided to sit down directly across from the copulating couple!

Finally, the girl looked up and saw the concierge waving and smiling like the Cheshire cat. this prompted her to cease her labours, but her partner had other ideas. He put both hands on her shoulders and pushed down on her tiny frame – repeatedly.

But she wasn’t moving. She looked like a horny underage doe caught in the headlights of a speeding car.

After a few minutes, she slooowly got up, her partner readjusted his swim trunks, and they both finally took notice of their full audience.

Best. Holiday. Weekend. Ever!

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to Fun With Horny Idiots!

  1. I think I like experiencing these stories better second-hand than first-hand. These are the ones I’d find myself too mortified to let myself remember, were I to stumble upon them!

  2. Haha. Awesome, at least you got a good tip!

  3. mairedubhtx says:

    What a funny story! That must have been a riot!

  4. Kemi says:

    OMG! Did they get arrested at least..?

  5. And my “rent a room” comment is going to be so cliche, isn’t it?

    Hilarious. For me. Because I wasn’t there.

  6. penpusherpen says:

    wot? no bowing to the gathered audience? some people. 😉 xPenx

  7. gmomj says:

    Boy I would hate to be a the maintenance person of that pool. Nasty. This post will put off swimming pools for life. You just never know do you and it’s so hard not getting a splash in the face. Nonono…no more swimming pools for me. Thanks Hook.
    (“Honey!!! Cancel The Waterpark!!……)

  8. Oh my, Hook…I am pretty much speechless with this one…

    Ewwww!

    Wendy

  9. Ben says:

    Sex is taboo in our place. It is only done in private. ha ha :]

  10. Good grief !! I once climbed to the top of a very big and windy hill in the pouring rain on a Sunday morning. It was one of those get close to nature holidays. At the very top I came across a mound of trembling rainmacs with two poeple inside. It was cold wet and windy so fair play to the young man for managing……..but they couldn’t believe some other idiot would climb that hill that day in that weather !! hahahaha

  11. mindslam says:

    Beautiful waterfall. Sometimes, the horny bug just bites you huh? Don’t blame them, but has to be tough doing it out in public like that.

  12. Mindless Rambler says:

    Even when I was a horny teen I wouldn’t have had the nerve for this or maybe I just had self respect 🙂

    Great Post – as always!

  13. raisingdaisy says:

    True – the world seems short of self respect these days. We were camping once and came across a “noisy” tent that was moving without a breeze….the couple wasn’t smart enough to realize that if they have a lantern lit inside, silhouettes of the inhabitants are CLEARLY seen from the outside…. AND it was a public camp ground….

  14. Jeanne Heuer says:

    You make this stuff up, right?

  15. Jackie Paulson Author says:

    I agree that hearing news from you is much better than from the online places and news. You just know how to put the proper words in perspective to keep the reader (READING) 🙂

  16. doronio says:

    Again, why is your hotel much more interesting than mine?

  17. oldancestor says:

    I’m all for letting the moment take you, but maybe the 30 other peope in the room don’t want to see it?

    Many years ago, my sister was at a movie theater and almost stepped into a row of seats… until she realized the girl sitting on her guy’s lap had no pants on. And neither did the guy.

  18. This is silmultaneously hilarious and revolting!

    I was once caught by a red light, waiting to cross a downtown street, when I realized that the couple in the horse-drawn carriage that was turning very slowly in front of me were engaged in this same sort of activity. I’m not a prude, but I realized then exactly how much I don’t want to be surprised by that sight out in public! Thank goodness my daughter wasn’t with me. She’d have been asking me a question. Loudly! 🙂

  19. brittany220 says:

    Eeeew haha, I can’t believe they’d keep going even when they realized a crowd was watching…!

  20. Raven says:

    Well it does arouse many feelings here but dang! The nerve of some peeps… can’t they get a room? It is a hotel after all. Oh dear, what would your mama say?!?

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