Australians Are The New French Canadians!

To the world at large, Australia is known for exporting precious metals. Unfortunately, the world is dead wrong.

Australia’s number one export?

Douchebags – lots and lots of douchebags, whole families, to be precise.

For the second time in a month, an Australian family has paid the greatest insult they could to a Canadian bellman. Of course, it was the only thing they gave said bellman. To be clear, The Hook was the bellman in question – again!

Many english-speaking Canadians feel their french-speaking brethren are annoying, arrogant goofballs who are responsible for unleashing one of the greatest horrors mankind has ever known – Celine Dion!

That fact notwithstanding, Australians have stepped up their game and surpassed the french by an outback mile. After loading two carts with a wide variety of suitcases, duffle bags, backpacks and a bag that looked like it was meant to carry skis, – in April! – I made my way to the lobby and my inescapable fate.

Sure enough, I received a weak “Cheers, mate!”, and I was left with a choice: attempt to make the douchebags realize they’re douchebags or walk away screaming inside, my soul poisoned once more.

Of course, I walked away, another post bubbling just beneath the surface of my troubled mind.


While it’s true that 99% of my posts focus on my encounters with some the worst travellers moving across North America today, my life in general is actually pretty sweet. I have a loving family, both my parents are still with us (And one of them is actually involved in my life!), and I work with a great bunch of people.

All of which explains just why I haven’t gone postal and made the world a better place by removing some if it’s more annoying elements! So don’t feel too bad for The Hook, the summer is approaching and that means bigger tips and the most kick-ass event of The Hook’s year, Fan Expo Canada!

More on that to follow…

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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42 Responses to Australians Are The New French Canadians!

  1. mairedubhtx says:

    Do Australians in general not tip? Is that something unique to them? I’ve never been to Australia, but I have been to Quebec, and I always tipped there. In fact I’ve never been anywhere where I haven’t tipped. I don’t understand why people don’t get the tipping idea. It’s been around for a long time. It’s good that tourist season is arriving for you and tips will be coming in.

    • The Hook says:

      Yes, the summer is way too short, but it rocks!

    • herbeedj says:

      We do not tip in Australia, minimum wage is around US$17 and hour tips are just for special service like if you think the waiter/tres deserves it.
      i Travel to the US frequently and i always tip. Its just common sense.

      P.s Most australians are douchbags. This is true.

  2. Oh…don’t get me started on Celine Dion….

    • The Hook says:

      She’s quite a character, right?

    • I feel ya! It’s not so much her voice, but the ‘way’ she sings. Just watching her diva around the stage during advertisements for her concert is enough to grate my nerves. Is it me, or do you agree it would do her a world of good to sit in a trailer park for about a week and get a reality check?
      Hey, I just thought of something that Australia had and now we’ve got….Simon Baker! Coming from someone like me that’s a compliment, cause I like ponytails and tats. Don’t know what it is about him, but I just wanna run my fingers through those curls of his. Damn!

  3. haha. Celine Dion. Brilliant.

  4. You’re lucky. Over here everyone’s Australian.

  5. Kim says:

    Australia’s number one export?

    You’re hilarious! 😀

  6. Having worked as a dental hygienist for 20 years, I have the utmost respect for anyone who has to endure putting up with the public like you do.

    Douchebags—their name is legion, for they are many.

  7. xeriouslywtf says:

    So.. French Canadians are responsible for inflicting Celine Dion upon an unsuspecting world huh? If so, I find them collectively in the one place that I then carpet bomb?

    Us Aussies are known for being cheap… it comes from the English heritage I’m guess.

  8. Glad to see you have a good life outside of work where you encounter the biggest douches on the planet. Surprised you’re not a raging alcoholic considering what you have to put up with.

  9. gmomj says:

    Sounds like you and poor Kate Middleton are both royally f**cked.
    Do you ever just stand around expectantly to give a pointed hint that tip is expected? or say to one or the other adult in party, excuse me but were you going to leave a gratuitiy before I go? How would they say no to that?

  10. Woman says:

    I do not know if I can ever read another post by you Mister The Hook. You have the gall to mention Celine Poutine!!!!!!! Can I get a warning next time???

  11. “Of course, I walked away…” your military-style training has done you proud. Calm under pressure. Maybe you can improve upon this next time…walk away humming “Waltzing Matilda” !!! hahahaha

  12. I’m glad you have a loving family, Hook!

    Do you ever post about guests who aren’t douchebags?


    • The Hook says:

      What would be the point? We all get a laugh about the crazy ones. But you’re right, I’ll post something about the good ones soon. Promise.

  13. mindslam says:

    You should have said “Cheers to you cheap bastard”. I did know that you tip bellmen, but there are alot of situations or people that it’s confusing if you tip them or not!

  14. bmj2k says:

    My first job was as a boxboy in a supermarket. One day I helped an older woman carry her groceries to her car. As I walked away, she called me back and said she wanted to give me a tip. I protested but she insisted, and I stood there as she searched every pocket. Eventually she said to me “I’m just looking for a quarter.” I walked away.

    Another time, almost the same situation, a woman wanted to tip me, took out a dollar, and asked me if I had change. Again, I walked away.

  15. Pingback: Just To Be Clear: The Hook Doesn’t Know Where You Can Score! « You've Been Hooked!

  16. misspinkles says:

    Not all Australians are douchebags, last time I checked, I wasn’t one :p

  17. yingyingxue says:

    so great,but i think i can not go to see!

  18. Caroline says:

    Love the Celine Dion comment–too funny. I admit, I was a huge fan of hers back in 3rd grade, but those days have long passed.

  19. sonsothunder says:

    I don’t know how they are on the “Gratuity” end of the spectrum, but I know a few online Aussie’s who fit the “Bill” you otherwise printed on them. Of course, there are those from all over. A few I happen to know, only from chatting in a certain chat room, seem to look down on America, more than “French” waiter’s in Paris do.

    Did they forget their country began as a “Penal” colony? I have to remind them now and then of course…and then, as these particular few pride themselves as being the worlds most entrepreneurial “Foodies” on the planet, I hit them with…something like, “Oh Yeah”…Well, how come you weren’t smart enough to start the “Outback” steak house franchise? Dundee? Took some gator wrestling dude out of Tampa to capitalize with that one. Heh,

    But, then there’s Marcos Ambrose. Mr Nice guy…I can’t say enough good about him.
    But, I’ve said enough already.

    Au revoir et à demain

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