My father-in-law, God bless him, is a retired widower who, like most people his age has a daily routine he follows faithfully.
Three times a day he heads out to the local Tim Hortons coffee shop for a cup of Joe.
Of course, “local’ is a relative term when you’re talking Timmies (As we Canucks call it), considering you can find one ever few miles. They’re like stupid people in the U.S – there’s one on almost every corner!
At any rate, my father-in-law has a friend he meets up with named Tim (Weird, huh?) and he and Tim are quite close.
The problem, (you knew there’d be one, right?) lies with Tim’s girlfriend. I have nothing against seniors dating we all get lonely, but sometimes we need top remember that our choices affect those around us as well.
Tim’s companion Jan, is a dried-up, wrinkled, half-deaf, half-blind old biddie who can drive a person to murderous rage within minutes! If the Pope met Jan, he’d schedule an exorcism within a half-hour! Here some of the highlights of spending time with her..
- She constantly asks in a loud old lady voice, “YOU’RE NOT WORKING TODAY?”
- She watches every..single..bite you eat in front of her.
- She stares at you like a deer in headlights.
- She laughs like a mental patient – and not a fun mental patient, either!
This woman isn’t just a douchebag, she’s so old, she just may be the Original Douchebag!
I don’t accompany my father-in-law on his coffee runs that often, but I’ve had one too many encounters with this she-devil for my taste. The last time, I decided enough was enough, especially after she referred to my daughter, Sarah as “weird”.
THE HOOK: Jan have you ever seen a White Light?
JAN: No, I can’t say as I have.
THE HOOK: Would you like to?
There’s something to be said for the direct approach, right?