Another Sunday morning check-out has come and gone. As usual, things went as smoothly as the fall of Saigon.
There were a few douchebags who stood head and shoulders above the rest like the group of twenty-something guys who stumbled over to the Bell Desk looking to store their gym bags, booze and dirty shoes. Just picture the Entourage cast, but ugly and poor. After tossing their things onto a bell cart with all the care you would show a bag of garbage, one of them decided to pose the greatest question you can ask of a bellman.
RANDOM UGLY GUEST: Will my laptop be safe?
Just what do you say to that? Even if our storage room wasn’t safe, I sure as hell wasn’t going to share that knowledge with this moron!
Then there was the family of five, Mom, Dad, the two Miley Cyrus wannabee daughters and the obviously high son. The son begins to place his laptop bag on the cart and then stops to pose the same question as the previous douchebag. After giving him the usual assurances, he places the bag down and then the Mom and both sisters took turns pushing the bag further down on the cart.
THE HOOK: (Addressing the dad) – Sir, would you like to touch the sacred laptop and pray for its safety?
The kids just stood there stunned. Fortunately, Mom and Dad roared.
Our final victim of the day is a true master of the obvious. After waiting a full fifteen minutes for his Bree Olson wannabee girlfriend to finish packing (while her cheap perfume attacked my nasal passages like Agent Orange!) we made our way to his car.
As he looked at the 2.5 million water droplets running across his tricked-out Fast and the Furious wannabee Honda he spoke words that will live on in The Hook’s memory forever…
EMINEM WANNABEE: Did it rain?
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