Fun With Families!

Some people have “one of those days” more often than they would like. Well, trust me people, it could be worse.

The Hook  is having one of those seasons.

This winter will be forever etched in my memory due to its overpowering irony – this was the Canadian winter from Hell!

I swear one of the douchebags I dealt with had the name L. Ucifer on his luggage tags. The winter has always been an agonizingly slow season in the little tourist mecca I inhabit – heck, the only difference between my  place of business in the winter and the hotel in The Shining is those people had more fun! 

Speaking of popular cinema, I’m getting tired of all these young male douchebags mentioning Hot Tub Time Machine as I’m unloading their beat up coolers, gym bags and plastic bags filled with cheap booze! At least Crispin Glover got to enjoy a bellman’s ultimate fantasy and unload his frustrations on bewildered guests.

If only.No, I get to bury my frustrations and attempt to maintain my flimsy smile as one douchebag after another lives up to the title. Take the young, ugly couple I dealt with yesterday.They rented two rooms which they shared with their two boys, their parents, a young man who looked like he was the result of the Missing Link’s  nooner with a Kardashian and another young man who was one weigh-in away from Dr. Phil knocking down a wall to transport him to a clinic!

Photograph of Crispin Glover at the E! Post Os...

Image via Wikipedia


At any rate, as I’m picking up Grandma and Grandpa’s luggage – two carts full, by the way – the two boys, seven and nine, emerged from their parents’ room.

GRANDMA: What are you boys doing?

KIDS: Visiting! (Annoyingly cute little devils! Too bad they’re probably going to grow up to be douchebags!)

GRANDPA: Where are Mom and Dad, kids?

KIDS: In the shower!

GRANDMA: They’re in the shower?

GRANDPA: Well, get back in your room, we’re leaving! (Grandpa actually rocked at that moment!)

Of course, the door closed behind them so The Hook had to use his master-key and save the day. But unfortunately Dad had other plans, and held the door shut from the  inside!

DAD: Go away, we’re not finished!


At this point the Grandparents start knocking on the door quietly and after a few minutes the reality of the situation – they raised a douchebag who would rather satisfy his own carnal lust than attend to his parental responsibilities – set in and they started furiously pounding away (Just like mom and Dad, no doubt.)

After a few minutes began to feel like hours, Grandma and Grandpa sent me on my way while they no doubt considered the merits of simply shooting their offspring and raising his children as their own. However, once they remembered how well that went the first time, they decided to wait while  The Hook made his way downstairs.

Fortunately, the elevator ride down gave me a chance to at least try to shake the image of two ugly people lathering each other up in the shower! I really need to start drinking! The Grandparents, sans grandkids, made arrived in the lobby fifteen minutes later and informed me they parked across the street in a separate parking facility!

After an additional twenty-minute wait I was at last free of this wonderful example of parenting gone awry. And to top it off, I was two dollars richer for the experience.

You gotta love a happy ending, right? The two ugly people did, that’s for sure.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
This entry was posted in Hotel Employees, Hotel Life, Life, Postaweek2011, Social Commentary, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to Fun With Families!

  1. darthsaeris says:

    That…. was priceless. Thank you for brightening yet another long day of working retail for me. Lol I hate people sometimes

  2. Tim Rueb says:

    Yes, this seems like the year to deal with douchebag relatives.

  3. preachersdaughter69 says:

    Great story! And two good reasons never to get married and have kids. LOL

  4. writernubbin says:

    Good grief! I’m surprised you’re not wondering around, dazed and confused! Can’t imagine what you see that you don’t write about. LOL That was hilarious!!!!

  5. mairedubhtx says:

    $2.00! That was big of them. How do you stand it?

  6. Hahahahha….people are terrifying aren’t they? I often wonder how they make it day by day…no wonder so many kids are f*&^ed up…sorry you had to see that buddy….

  7. Two posts in a row that have left me almost speechless, Hook! What are people thinking?


  8. doronio says:

    If this is an off season, I wonder what an on season brings. For some reason, I just pictured people from those GAP commercials.

  9. Oh man, you get to see all life, don’t ya !

  10. granny1947 says:

    Hehehe…your day was more interesting than mine!!!

  11. Woman says:

    Tee hee hee!!! I have to laugh at the number of times you used douchebag in this post!!!! I’ve not heard it in such a long time!!!!!

  12. jenniferneri says:


    I didn’t realize you were also Canadian!
    Funny, but I too compare our situation to The Shining on ocassion. lol

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  16. Stephanie says:

    Well, at least ya got a tip?!

  17. brittany220 says:

    Haha wow, what a generous tip!

  18. Pingback: Sunday is a Day of Rest? Not For The Hook! « You've Been Hooked!

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