Some people have “one of those days” more often than they would like. Well, trust me people, it could be worse.
The Hook is having one of those seasons.
This winter will be forever etched in my memory due to its overpowering irony – this was the Canadian winter from Hell!
I swear one of the douchebags I dealt with had the name L. Ucifer on his luggage tags. The winter has always been an agonizingly slow season in the little tourist mecca I inhabit – heck, the only difference between my place of business in the winter and the hotel in The Shining is those people had more fun!
Speaking of popular cinema, I’m getting tired of all these young male douchebags mentioning Hot Tub Time Machine as I’m unloading their beat up coolers, gym bags and plastic bags filled with cheap booze! At least Crispin Glover got to enjoy a bellman’s ultimate fantasy and unload his frustrations on bewildered guests.
If only.No, I get to bury my frustrations and attempt to maintain my flimsy smile as one douchebag after another lives up to the title. Take the young, ugly couple I dealt with yesterday.They rented two rooms which they shared with their two boys, their parents, a young man who looked like he was the result of the Missing Link’s nooner with a Kardashian and another young man who was one weigh-in away from Dr. Phil knocking down a wall to transport him to a clinic!
At any rate, as I’m picking up Grandma and Grandpa’s luggage – two carts full, by the way – the two boys, seven and nine, emerged from their parents’ room.
GRANDMA: What are you boys doing?
KIDS: Visiting! (Annoyingly cute little devils! Too bad they’re probably going to grow up to be douchebags!)
GRANDPA: Where are Mom and Dad, kids?
KIDS: In the shower!
GRANDMA: They’re in the shower?
GRANDPA: Well, get back in your room, we’re leaving! (Grandpa actually rocked at that moment!)
Of course, the door closed behind them so The Hook had to use his master-key and save the day. But unfortunately Dad had other plans, and held the door shut from the inside!
DAD: Go away, we’re not finished!
At this point the Grandparents start knocking on the door quietly and after a few minutes the reality of the situation – they raised a douchebag who would rather satisfy his own carnal lust than attend to his parental responsibilities – set in and they started furiously pounding away (Just like mom and Dad, no doubt.)
After a few minutes began to feel like hours, Grandma and Grandpa sent me on my way while they no doubt considered the merits of simply shooting their offspring and raising his children as their own. However, once they remembered how well that went the first time, they decided to wait while The Hook made his way downstairs.
Fortunately, the elevator ride down gave me a chance to at least try to shake the image of two ugly people lathering each other up in the shower! I really need to start drinking! The Grandparents, sans grandkids, made arrived in the lobby fifteen minutes later and informed me they parked across the street in a separate parking facility!
After an additional twenty-minute wait I was at last free of this wonderful example of parenting gone awry. And to top it off, I was two dollars richer for the experience.
You gotta love a happy ending, right? The two ugly people did, that’s for sure.