Ever since the first cavemen went clubbing (Although they did it differently back then!), Saturday night has been known as “Party Night”.
Of course, in this day and age “Party Night” is not so much about relaxing and celebrating life as it is an open invitation for douchebags everywhere to run wild! Take Saturday nights in The Hook’s little corner of this blue sphere we inhabit for example.
A recent Saturday saw a reenactment of an episode of The Ultimate Fighter, a violent takedown by local law enforcement and more than one eviction.
And it wasn’t even a full moon.
Several young men, their livers overwhelmed by cheap booze, decided to establish a new hierarchy in their group dynamic by ripping off their belts and beating one another in full view of the front lobby. Why is it young men, supposedly Alpha Males, feel compelled to writhe all over each other and call it “wrestling” or “extreme fighting”? Men like that used to stay in the closet and drive out to secluded bars for such “recreational activities”.
Not any more. Straight men appear to be an endangered species, ladies. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The subject of sexual preference brings us to our next subject. Another supposedly Alpha Male who embraced the modern convention of violently arguing with his girlfriend while on vacation.
Of course, she threw him out, or attempted to at least. Hotel security had to respond and politely ask the douche, I mean gentlemen, to leave. And of course, he was less than responsive to their repeated requests. A very serious error on his part. By the time the local constabulary arrived the moron in question was rampaging across the front deck and ready for a fight.
Boy, did he get one.
To be fair, I’m not sure you can refer to an incident of one douchebag being beaten to a bloody pulp by several cops as a “fight”. At least he had it coming for threatening someone he supposedly loved. A word of warning fellas, cops hate men who attack women.
Speaking of the fairer species…
Our last group of contestants on “Wheel of Saturday Night Misfortune” thought it would be fun to mimic their male counterparts and behave like drunken, horny idiots al through the night. I sincerely hope they had fun because their fellow guests did not and so Security responded to their third major call of the night after several phone calls from livid travelers.
At this point it’s important to remember that hotels don’t want to evict anyone from their property – between the hassle for Security, the manpower the cops have to devote and the possibility of other guests witnessing a scene – nobody wins.
Sure enough, the young ladies, graduates of the finest finishing school in North America, no doubt, made a scene early enough in the morning for other guests to bear witness. You can say what you like about the reckless behaviour of guys when they travel together, but females can just as crude with the carpet F-bombing in a hotel lobby.
All in all it was a wonderful Saturday night that gave rise to the usual elevated production level at the rumor mill the next morning. The Alpha Male that was beaten was declared dead by no one in particular (No one ever takes credit for these things after all, “I forget who I heard it from, but the guy’s dead. The cops beat him to death!), and the girls apparently had to be dragged off the property by a SWAT team!
- Can U Be an Alpha Male If U Listen to Metal??? (metalsucks.net)