RANDOM GUEST: Could I have one of those cart things, or do you have to take it?
THE HOOK: Did we take your bags in for you sir?
RANDOM GUEST: Why yes, you did.
THE HOOK: Then we’ll take you out! (The Hook’s smile turns into a smirk) Happily, in fact.
RANDOM GUEST: Okay! I’ll see you then! (Random Guest walks away without giving room number or name.)
Welcome to The Hook’s March Break 2011 – Douchebag Edition, guaranteed to culminate in a write-up for yours truly. It’s only the mid-week point and I’ve already had my fill of the hordes of tiny little maniacs, their veins filled to bursting with sugar, msg, Red Bull (it’s true, I’ve seen it!) all of which creates the equivalent of Tiger Blood for kids!
I shouldn’t be so hard on the little nut jobs though, they’re only being kids after all. The problem originates with the parents, disillusioned with their lives and eager to dump their rugrats off at the pool so they can return to the room and consume as much alcohol as is humanely possible, stopping just short of inducing blindness.
It’s fun to watch people indulge in the “vacation diet for kids”, consisting of big bottles of pop (soda if you’re American), Price Club-size chips, cookies and loaves of bread. No butter, just dry bread, which kids apparently love. Children also love to have plastic bags strapped to their little frames while they drag suitcases twice their size down the crowded corridors of a hotel lobby at the height of check-in time.
At least that’s I witness every day during March Break 2001 – Douchebag Edition.
- March Break Day One (teenagersmom.wordpress.com)