The Corporate D-Bag – The Deadliest of the Species.

Never mind aliens, fear the Corporate Douchebag!

Of all the types of people who visit hotels and resorts, there is one who is feared and loathed above all. This mammal is both necessary to the continued survival of the world’s economy and yet is responsible for dragging it to the edge of ruin on a daily basis.

Though known by many names, The Hook prefers..the Corporate Douchebag.

In spite of all evidence to the contrary and Stephen Hawking, The Corporate Douchebag believes the world revolves around him. He is oblivious to the feelings and needs of other travelers, service personnel and the laws of time and space. When the Corporate Douchebag wants something, it should appear five minutes before the request is made.

Companies hold retreats to strengthen their workforce; providing a constructive setting for employees to network and learn from each other. For the average employee however, conferences are a chance to get blind-stinking drunk, hit a nearby casino and cheat on one’s spouse.

A well-known banking institution held a conference a few years back, during which two employees decided to avail themselves of the hotel’s laundry room, specifically the folding tables. As it was the middle of the night, the amorous couple assumed they were free to..do their laundry without consequence. However, the male, slightly inebriated and majorly horny, forgot his room key.

And his clothes.

And did I mention the employees in question were married? Just not to each other.

Long sorted story short, somehow the male left his companion’s room without his clothes and decided to make his way to the front desk wearing nothing but a smile and the sports section of the Globe and Mail.

Of course, this was a case of the Corporate Douchebag imploding; with no one else suffering the consequences of his actions. All too often corporate douchebags sweep through a property like locusts, devouring employees’ souls in the process.

Hotel staff, for the most part are reluctant to offend corporate guests for fear of losing valuable return business during such a volatile economy. The responsibility lies with corporations themselves who have to consider this; if their employees become douchebags the second they leave the office, can they really be trusted during business hours?

The Hook’s retirement home, bought with tip money from Corporate Douchbags.

Until next time, this is the Hook imploring businesses everywhere, please don’t let your employees be douchebags.

 

See you in the lobby, kids…