Parents – About Your Daughters…

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As parents we hold our children to a high standard, especially daughters. After all, they’re our little girls, right?

Not forever, unfortunately. You see, somewhere along the way little girls become not-so-little females,  and some of them will choose to gather for a weekend away. A type of Bachelorette Party, sometimes without the impending nuptials.

And that’s where the trouble starts.

From the moment they arrive, groups of females shed their weekday skin and become something all-together different. They will tell the Front Desk their party is small and then throughout the day, car after car arrives, each filled with more girls who head directly to Party Central.

It should be noted that a Bachelorette Party’s luggage consists of pink boas, liquor store bags, noise makers, liquor store bags, ridiculously-priced designer purses, and luggage that makes a distinctive clinking sound.

Oh, and to be clear, by “luggage”, I mean plastic bags and laundry baskets.

Buy some luggage, chicks! One less box of wine will get you a passable

Wal-Mart suitcase, for God‘s sake!

Little girls are supposed to be made of sugar, spice and everything nice. Young females, however, appear to be made of hops, cheap wine and cigarettes.

And then there’s the accessories.

Oh, the accessories. Male blow-up dolls, ( anatomically-correct blow-up dolls, by the way) dollar store banners, noise makers, baked goods straight from ancient Rome and yes, items usually kept in bedroom drawers and closets.

But by far the most disturbing item the Hook has ever seen was a poster of David Hasselhoff. Now, the Hoff isn’t so bad you say?

What about the Hoff stark naked except for the puppies surrounding his… little KITT?  (One has to assume the puppies in question had to be put down after the photo shoot, but I have no proof of this.)

Of course, once you’ve seen this you can’t unsee it, so my most sincere apologies but after agonizing over it, I realized describing something so disturbing  just wouldn’t be enough.

See you in the lobby, Knight Riders…