Category Archives: Hotel Life

Tales of the modern (douchebag) traveler

Random Thoughts From A Weary Bellman.

It’s early morning here in God’s favorite reservoir, Niagara Falls, and the hotel lobby is as desolate as Kris Jenner’s soul. Bu that’s going to change soon. In an instant, the lobby will be filled with travelers, bus passengers, overweight … Continue reading

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Tolkien Had WW1… I Have Hookers.

I’ve certainly not been at a loss for words – or tweets – since I’ve returned from my self-imposed (sorta) exile… even during those dreaded moments of downtime. The day isn't a total loss after all; just spotted two hookers … Continue reading

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A Bellman’s Greatest Enemy.

After three months on the sidelines – otherwise known as “my front porch” – I’d forgotten that a bellman’s life isn’t all about racing the clock to deliver luggage, manipulating surly personalities to procure a gratuity,  dodging frisky hookers, cougars … Continue reading

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“Follow my advice, pal, don’t knock up a stripper! She’ll give you a less-than-perfect kid!”

8:00 am: This is my first Sunday back in the trenches, kids, and so far the travelers are trickling out rather than flowing like a river of tourism madness. Believe it or not, I’d rather have the deluge.  The Niagara … Continue reading

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This Post Raises An Intriguiging Question: Whatever Happened To Adrian Zmed?

I’d almost forgotten what it was like to serve a bachelorette party, post-party. Almost. One whiff of stale alcohol, cheap perfume, sticky-sweet body odor, body spray and regret refreshed my memory instantly. Incidentally, my memory was the only thing that … Continue reading

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What I Did After My Summer Vacation, By The Hook.

After several failed attempts to begin this post I have decided to simply hit the ground running. Actually “running” isn’t accurate at all; my leg still isn’t Olympic material. The good thing is… it never was. And now, my friends, … Continue reading

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Lock Up Your Bags, Travelers… The Hook’s Back.

It’s seven am. As Peter Noone would say, there’s a kind of hush all over the lobby… for now. That will change soon, I imagine. Then again, who knows what the immediate future holds? That’s what I love about this … Continue reading

Posted in Hotel Life | 23 Comments