5×5 With The Hook: Benjamin Wallace

Ladies, your significant other may drive you batty at times but make no mistake, Benjamin Wallace is the original Dumb White Husband.

I met Ben while scanning Jenny Lawson’s site and after a search of his cyber-haven I was hooked – for life. (Yeah, I went there. Wanna fight about it?) Trust me, unless you’ve suffered a brain injury or there is Kardashian in your blood, you’ll be one of Ben’s many cheerleaders by the time you’ve reached the end of this post. He’s just that good.

Not only is his productivity enviable – I’m struggling to finish Book Two and this guy pumps out tomes like Justin Bieber creates scandals - but he’s a genuinely nice guy. And it certainly doesn’t hurt that he’s damn funny, too.

He took a newb scribe like me under his wing, let me guest post for him and imparted invaluable advice that helped steer through a rough patch. Scroll his Amazon page and prepare to feel that warm sensation that can only come from being in the presence of a true master of his art.

(Incidentally, while I must admit there are other ways to get that warm sensation, you really should avoid people like that, kids. They’ll ruin you.)

I could go on, but who has the time? Ben certainly doesn’t. He’s too busy showing the rest of us how it’s done.

Speaking of which, you’re not here for all this mushy stuff are you?  I didn’t think so. Time to let Ben do what he does – while being dumb and white, that is…

1)  You’re not only white, you’re dumb and a husband. The best thing about being a triple threat is…

  Thanks to TV and movies, all dumb, white husbands are grossly underestimated. I think that is wonderful. Nothing much is expected of us. We get praised for something as simple as putting our socks in a hamper. If we show even a hint of a tear, say after the death of a pet or a sports movie, we’ve demonstrated “great emotional depth.”  And if we ever have an idea that doesn’t result in personal injury or the fire department being called, we’re brilliant.” Being underestimated is pretty sweet.

   I’d like to thank the DWHs that came before us and set this up: Ralph, Fred, Al, Tim, Dad – you guys are the best.

2) If you could choose to be any character from the Police Academy films, who would you choose? (Yeah, I’m a man-child of the 80’s. So what?)

   Tackleberry. I like the shoot-first-and-ask-questions-later approach to life so having a badge to hide behind would come in handy.

3)  The best thing about being a writer/blogger is…

   There’s no arguing. I have three children. I have a disagreeable dog. I was in advertising for years where everybody and their aunt and their aunt’s maid has an opinion. Now, what I say goes. I get to rule over my created worlds like a not-so-benevolent dictator. There’s no arguing. There’s no discussion. It’s my way. It’s my say.

   Unless my wife has an opinion.

4)  What’s the dream, Ben?  Where do you want to see DWH go in the future?

   After the incidents in DWH vs. Zombies I can’t be certain that the characters from the stories have a future. When it comes to the Dumb White Husband brand and website, I’d like to see it continue to delight 10’s of people and, dare I dream, one day dozens of people. We’ve added several writers to the site, both guys and gals, that have made it more fun than ever. We’ll be adding even more stuff in the near future. There really is no limit to our dumbness. As for this dumb white husband, personally, in the future I see myself continuing to write books and, at some point, going for a sandwich.

5)  We’ve known each other a little while no and so I feel at ease asking you this question… What time is it?

   We don’t know each other that well. Give it time.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Awkward.

Moving on, I’d like to thank Benjamin Wallace for being inspiring, intriguing, and numerous other words that end in “ing”. You’re the best, buddy. Feel free to slap that original endorsement on the next DWH book.

See you in the lobby, kids…

 

 

 

 

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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28 Responses to 5×5 With The Hook: Benjamin Wallace

  1. Another one to add to my “read” list.

    Tackleberry really was the only one you could trust in a dangerous situation. Michael Wilson would just be making siren and gun sounds.

  2. The Hook says:

    My thanks to Benjamin Wallace adding a dumb white touch to my little cyber home. He gives the place that little something extra, doesn’t he, folks?

  3. Thanks to you, my reading list just keeps getting longer and longer :-)

  4. I like your 5×5 s :). I’ve found three new interesting reads to follow

  5. LOL this is a fun read!

  6. Melinda Roth says:

    Yeah, I’m hooked. Thanks for sharing.

  7. REDdog says:

    Okay, so I’ve ceased trolling aimlessly through cyberspace, now I just wait for your 5×5 and that is how I now add to my list of blogs I follow…you are fucking indefatigable in your depth and breadth Hook, sheesh!

  8. Never heard of this fella, and I thought I was reading about myself for a minute. Well, outside of the book and blog success and advertising career, it sounded like. I guess just the part where he’s a dumb white husband, mostly. I’m off to check out his blog now. Thanks, Hook, you jerk. I don’t have time to read fun new peoples’ crap ya know!??

  9. Geez Hookey! How am I supposed to find time to read all these great people you keep introducing???? I gotta DO things, you know? Important things! Like drink coffee and homework! LOL! I am so blessed that I got one of those SMART White husbands! (well most of the time) He takes instruction well…he he! Have an awesome Monday dear Robert! :-)

  10. I have to say this one looks pretty funny. I will look forward to delving into his site.

  11. Thank you for the kind words, everyone. Thanks again, Hook.

  12. I’m so pleased to meet you! I will definitely have a stop by your blog to see all the awesomeness.

    I laughed out loud at the clothes in the hamper thing…. When I was married, if my ex actually put his clothes in the hamper, I was over the moon excited and so ready to put out. God, there’s nothing hotter than a guy who can pick up after himself….

  13. I like the way you interview, Hook. You get right to the point. Great for busy people on the go.
    Benjamin, interesting about Dumb White Husband. I had no idea such existed. :-D

  14. Jennifer says:

    Truer words have never been spoken. Regarding the skills of dumb white husbands. It is the only way that the wife rules the roost… Seriously, when does a wife Not have an opinion..?

  15. I’ve obviously done something wrong in my “relationship” (apology for using the r-word). Not only do I have to put my socks in the laundry, I have to: carry the laundry hamper to the big white things; put the laundry in the wet big white thing; take the wet laundry from the wet big white thing and put it into the dry big white thing; and then bring the laundry back upstairs and fold it.

    If I don’t, nobody feeds me. Any suggestions?

  16. thanks for introducing us to Dumb White Husband, Hook! You and him have clearly GOT something together!

  17. jlheuer says:

    Hook, I sense a bromance here.

  18. Michelle says:

    And now another blog to keep up on. I am both grateful and in need of a few more hours each day.

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