There’s A Good Chance Most of You Are Hung-over, So I’l Be Brief.

The New year has barely begun and the lobby is quiet, kids, devoid of activity and the human suffering that is surely on its way.

Soon the two most hollow words in the English language will be uttered by hundreds of weary, still-intoxicated hotel guests.

Never.

Again.

As I sit here composing this message to all of you, the first Hooker Walk of Pride of 2014 is unfolding before my eyes.

(Actually, its more like a Shuffle of Pride, as the prostitute in question is circling the lobby waiting for a cab. Hopefully she’ll be headed home to delouse and disinfect.)

She is statuesque, with platinum locks, teased to requisite perfection. Her fur coat looks relatively new and her abbreviated crimson dress appears to have survived her shift intact. All in all, the young lady in question appears none the worse for the wear.

Listen closely though, and you can actually hear the wind blowing through the lobby via the revolving door make its way through her ears. Her eyes have no doubt seen sights that would turn the average soul off sex for years, but they’ve retained that youthful spark nonetheless.

I’ll say this: She may be a whore but she earned a helluva lot more than yours truly walked away with last night. Of course, one can only assume she worked a helluva a lot harder for her pay.

And with that bit of commentary and reflection, I bid adieu to you, my gentle readers. Duty calls – to be exact, its Room 1906, but you get the point, right?

Happy New Year, kids.

Now go Google those hang-over remedies…

UPDATE:

To be honest, I am quite reluctant to share this with you but I feel a sobering dose of reality can only serve the greater good in the long run. Plus, this is how I’m wired, so there’s that.

A young maintenance worker who was unfortunate enough to find himself assigned to the dreaded New Year’s Eve shift – on his birthday, no less – received a call that will haunt him for the rest of his days. A guest required help retrieving her friend who had locked herself in the bathroom. Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it?

A simple manipulation of a screwdriver opened the door – and revealed a young lady laying in a pool of her own blood. Her suicide aborted, the young lady was coherent when emergency workers wheeled her out of the hotel to begin the long road to recovery.

And that’s all I have to say about this incident, folks.

No judgements.

No conclusions.

Just the truth. Make of it what you will.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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86 Responses to There’s A Good Chance Most of You Are Hung-over, So I’l Be Brief.

  1. lauralord says:

    I’ve got to say, your descriptions of people are amazing. I could see this woman in my head so clearly, she might as well have been shambling around my living room.

    And I may have uttered those hollow words myself last night, but I brought the wine home. We’ll pretend it’s fruit juice, so I don’t have to start the new year lying.

  2. Happy New Year to you, H!

    I would say “Oy vey” is probably the second most commonly uttered phrase this morning LOL. :-)

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    Not hung-over. Too funny. Happy New Year, friend.

  4. TJLubrano says:

    HAPPY NEW YEAR, HOOK!!

    It must be very interesting to see all the characters that walk through the lobby? It would make for a good sketch session as well! That lady with her platinum locks, sounds like quite the character.

    I hope you had a lovely time. Not hangover here (I hardly drink…), but I’m drunk on fun stuff like…baking stuff. Hehe. I wish you lots of creative adventures, inspiration, happiness and luck in 2014. It was absolutely lovely to find out about you in 2013 and I’ll be tagging along your adventures in 2014!

    *waves*

  5. Lindsay says:

    I’m not hungover for the second year in a row! (All the years before that, though? Yeah…hungover).

    Happy New Year, Hook!

  6. I am not hungover either. I had a quiet night in order to recuperate from sickness and rejuvenate for the year ahead. I feel sorry for the hooker, but envious that she probably made in one night, what it takes me at least 2 weeks to earn…

    Happy New Year!
    Lindsey

  7. No hangover here either. What’s up with you knowing so many non lushes? Sorry the take wasn’t so good last night. I can remember really raking it in working a New Year’s Eve and I didn’t have to do what your lady of the evening did. It is usually the most generous night of the year. Generosity and alcohol usually make for good tips.

    • The Hook says:

      The tide has turned over the course of the last twelve months, Michelle.
      A bellman needs to really hustle to make his quota these days.

  8. When your day starts with a platinum haired hooker crossing your path the possibilities are endless. Looking forward to reading all about them Hook!

  9. PsiFiGal says:

    Happy New Year Hook! Wow, great post. I love the description of the hooker. I hope the girl who attempted suicide is ok, alcohol and depression probably had a hand in that, but who knows?

    Glad you didn’t have to see it, or clean it up *shudder* the poor maintenance guy! I also am not hungover, don’t drink, spent the night alone and slept only a couple hours so now I have a terrible headache anyway!

  10. Chicken says:

    Happy New Year, Hook. Hope it is a good one for you, your family and colleague, not to mention that unfortunate girl. The holidays are tough sometimes.

  11. PsiFiGal says:

    Oh, and thanks for all the likes, you helped push my blog over it’s record of likes in one day, cool! OK, so it’s only 6 but it’s still a record! :)

  12. Happy New Year! I just discovered your blog and look forward to reading it in the new year! Glad you made it through the evening!

  13. Twindaddy says:

    Happy New Year, Hook! And that sucks about the maintenance guy. That’s not a sight he’ll soon forget.

  14. List of X says:

    Happy New Year, Hook! May this year all of Niagara Falls hookers be jealous of the tips you get!

  15. Sometimes I feel it’s a matter of perspective. Your view of the ‘blond’ woman and her thoughts at the time, this lady trying to commit suicide, but probably changing her mind in the process. That last incident btw had a relatively happy end, at least for her… [you know me, always trying to see the bright side!]
    no hangover here either! ;-)

  16. samara says:

    I can’t figure this out- is this funny? profound? disturbing? Who ARE you? I’ve just begun following you, but if you write about whores, I’ll tune in more often. We’re all whores, but the ones who get paid for sex are the most honest.

    Are you really a bellman? what city is this? How old are you? what do you look like? Acchh, now I have to go back and read all your old blog posts, and I simply cannot do that today. I am extremely hung over – from 2 nights ago. I saw the sublime Patti Smith play an amazing show, and if you know who she is, then we are automatic BFFs. If you don’t I might bake you a cake shaped like a dildo, but you’ll have to read my post to understand that.

    Cheers! Happy New Year!

  17. Mich-in-French says:

    Very good read – your writing is very addictive. People are so interesting.
    Thank you too for your support on my blog – very much appreciated – I think it’s time to rise from my slumber and write again…

  18. No hangover here but your stories are sobering. Do you find you’ve become desensitized to the world around you? After all you can stomach only so much human failure at a time, I would imagine.

  19. Aussa Lorens says:

    Ah, that’s sad about the girl in the bathroom. I’m glad she wasn’t successful… Hopefully she will get some help. What a start to the New Year… I work with a man who used to manage a hotel and he said a lot of people come there to commit suicide. Awful.
    Happy New Year, nonetheless.

  20. Katie says:

    Happy New Year, Hook. Another well-written post as always, with the best of both worlds.

  21. Here’s to a great New Year Hook! Keep em’ coming!

  22. I’m popping in to wish you a Happy New Year, Hook. Keep working on that new book, and keep hounding Ellen DeGeneres for your daughter. I think 2014 is The Year of the Hook(s).

    You see everything in a hotel, don’t you? Thankfully, the girl will live – and hopefully she will get help. Her life may even go on without pain. My heart hurts for your maintenance worker. The image will probably never be removed from his brain – and he will revisit it each year on his birthday. Very sad.

  23. shimoniac says:

    Happy New Year to you Hook. I’m not hung over, but then I don’t drink, never have. I have more fun with reality unblurred, one of my teenage nicknames being D.D. (designated driver).
    I’m sorry for your co-worker’s grisly find. I hope he had and continues to have someone to talk to about this. PTSD is real, and this is a prime situation to get it. A little-known fact is that people who discover suicides (actual or attempted) are then at a greater risk for depression and suicide themselves after.

  24. Wow. Your postscript makes me reluctant to “like” this post, but your post, as always, is a fascinating and compelling read.

    Happy New Year, my friend!

  25. Nadia says:

    I feel for the girl who attempted suicide… Good to hear she survived.
    I’m also very sorry you had to bump into a Niagara hooker so early into the new year… May things only improve this year. Happy new year Hook!

    • The Hook says:

      The hooker made for an interesting morning. News of the suicide attempt made the morning surreal.
      Thanks for always being here with a kind word, Nadia.

  26. Wow, sad news at the end, but she is hopefully getting help.
    Happy New Year’s Hook!
    Thanks for making me laugh all the time and being my friend :)

  27. Happy New Year to you. No hangover here. This story is sad in so many ways.

  28. RageMichelle says:

    I like the no judgement. People living their lives..supporting themselves the way they do. I could see these people in just a few short sentences..even the poor girl who tried to die. You have a wonderful way with words…thanks for that.

  29. I’m too much a control freak to get hung over as that would require me to deliberately relinquish control by drinking in excess. I won’t insult your intelligence by saying I had nothing to drink, but it was only a couple and only at home. Yes, I also have ruffie phobias.

    It’s a shame to hear about the young girl who tried to end it all. So glad she wasn’t able to follow through. I’m sure the guy who had to unlock that room was fairly traumatized, though. And for the prostitute that was working that night? Hope she made it worth her time….makes me wonder if she charged double time and a half for her attentions based on the holiday.

  30. Wow! I bounced around on this post a little too. I’m going to pretend that I wrote what Samara did, and that she just copied a lot of my thoughts, except for the hangover part – mine’s only about a half day old and a probably a lot lighter. And, well, I never saw Patti Smith either. OK, I only thought all of her first sentence, but I ‘wanted’ to write the rest of her comment. Damn, gotta get out more.
    Happy New Year Hook, and add me to your list of grateful followers thankful for your support.
    Cheers!
    Robyn

  31. daniheart21 says:

    wow….. I guess you have a front row seat to witness humanity and inhumanity at the same time. Happy New Year. :)

  32. stephrogers says:

    I laughed hung-overly at the first part and felt almost completely sober by the time I’d read the update. What a roller coaster ride that was. Happy New Year!

  33. TK says:

    I commend your respect toward the prostitute. People in that line of work rarely choose it for themselves and I’m always dismayed by how quickly people can look down upon them.

    Here’s hoping the young woman from the bathroom has a great 2014 full of personal growth and happiness. I can only imagine the desperate feelings that would lead to such action.

  34. Oh no – that’s really sad and harsh for your co-worker. And the young woman, of course.

    Hear’s hoping your 2014 has many laughs for you to share ~

  35. MissFourEyes says:

    Whoa. How’s the maintenance worker? That’s a silly question.
    I hope he’s okay, and the girl too.

  36. Well I was ragingly hungover yesterday, and am still dazed and confused today.
    What a horrible thing to happen to everyone concerned. It’s strange reading about this instances of human desperation from a distance pocket of the world. Your blog is brilliant :)
    Happy New Year :)

  37. This may be inappropriate, but how much do you think a hooker costs on New Year’s Eve?
    Happy New Year, Hook! I am looking forward to reading more of your perspicacious words over the next year :)

  38. maryangelis says:

    Oh no, oh no… those two precious young women, spending a new year like that. Reading your words I had to go to the fridge and take down the icon (Our Lady of Smolensk, she was given to me yesterday by my favorite cashier) and just sit with her and think about those girls. Heart out to them both, wishing them warmth and safety and every solace. And to you too, and your co-worker. I hope at work there is a place for you to get some good cocoa. Blessings, M

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