I Swear I’m Not Crazy. As For Everyone Around Me…

The last few days have been weird – and that’s saying a lot coming from me.

I’ve been slammed with 5×5 responses and the pressure of writing introductions worthy of my friends’ greatness has been ever-present in my mind. As for life at the hotel, it’s been business as unusual. In other words, it’s been as nutty as ever. A recent convention yielded this cool quote from a corporate drone with mistress envy:

“It takes balls of steel to take your porn star girlfriend to the company’s annual out-of-town convention and then bring your wife to the company Christmas party. I admire Steve for doing that. Why can’t I do something like that?”

And of course, you  know I wasn’t about to let that one drop…

“You want to be like Steve?  Correct me if I’m wrong, sir, but isn’t Steve a douchecopter for having a girlfriend and a wife?”

Sure enough, my logic was irrefutable….

“Uh, yeah, I guess he is. You know what, boss? You’re pretty smart! You shoot from the hip. I like that!”

STEVE’S GIRLFRIEND BORE AN UNCANNY RESEMBLANCE TO THIS YOUNG LADY, I SWEAR!
EXCEPT SHE HAD FEWER CLOTHES ON…

And of course, Nelson Mandela’s passing has brought out the best in people – with some exceptions, of course. Case in point, a young African American couple approached my desk yesterday to store their luggage, but instead found themselves besieged by a grey-haired old lady with good intentions – but little else.

“I just wanted to tell you young people how sorry I am for your loss. Did you know Mandela well?”

The young lady’s reaction was understandable, but unfortunately for her position, stereotypical.

“Say what, little old white lady?”

Fortunately, cool heads prevailed and no hate crimes were committed during what should have been a time of peaceful reflection and mourning. Trust me, it sucks trying to pry old ladies out of lobby garbage cans….

That’s all for now, folks. As of this writing, I have a thirteen-hour shift ahead of me and yes, it’s going to be as much fun as it sounds. Have a great weekend, friends.

See you in the lobby….

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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53 Responses to I Swear I’m Not Crazy. As For Everyone Around Me…

  1. Thirteen hours seems like a long time to have deal with the crazies. I hope you are at least able to keep warm now. No icicles hanging off The Hook!

  2. Chatty Owl says:

    Ha ha. Oh your post made me smile. Yeah, the Mandela thing is getting out of hand…
    And damn, why wasn’t I invited to that Christmas party?! Sounds like there were some awesome things going on there, ha ha.
    Missed roaming around your blog.

  3. Pingback: Two Good Two Be True! | CombatBabe

  4. Lindsay says:

    I can’t help but wonder – does Steve’s wife know about his porn star girlfriend? Does she just turn a blind eye or what?! Ay yi yi.

  5. I am wondering about how cool it would be to film some of these front desk antics. Could be funny. (Forget the girl friend /wife mess. I’m talking about the real funny stuff) I guess hotel policy would forbid it. Ah well still like to hear the stories.

  6. michd74 says:

    Thirteen hours of crazy lol. Have a blast Hook. Thanks for the Saturday smile!

  7. giselzitrone says:

    Grüße einen schönen zweiten Advent wünsche ich dir liebe Grüße Gislinde

  8. That’s a hard shift to take. I wish you that it goes quickly, smoothly and with a heater close by! :-)

    • The Hook says:

      Actually, things have been better since the new revolving door has been installed – THANK GOD!!
      Unfortunately, people keep getting stuck in the door! However, it’s quite entertaining to observe, so I’m not complaining…

      • bfg666 says:

        Revolving doors are… barrels of fun since Chaplin. Glad to know you don’t have to go through yet another reenactment of Disney’s Frozen. Plus, you get to witness some more human stupidity fighting off that door. Blog fodder. What’s not to like?

  9. REDdog says:

    Hook, get yourself a GoPro and strap it to your head or something, imagine all the material you’ll have! REDdog

  10. Hook! Hello :) Hahaa. That’s quite a bunch of crazy you’ve got going on. Yes the man definitely IS a douchecopter for having a girlfriend and a wife! I died laughing at ‘say what little old lady?’ Hahaahahah! But 13 hours? Lord. That’s brutal. Take care of yourself.
    Have a wonderful christmas :)

  11. rarasaur says:

    What if you did mad-lib style intros for the 5X5 posts, that way you don’t have to stress over it? :D As for Steve, I worked with a girl who looked just like that and wanted to be some guy’s porn star girlfriend… I wonder if it’s the same lady and she’s living the dream? :)

  12. Katie says:

    Race relations are fascinating, aren’t they?

  13. RageMichelle says:

    oh god…I hope that shift passed quick and painlessly. I can only assume that it’s all over now. :)

  14. Cayman Thorn says:

    Douchecopter….I know a few of those.
    Yanno, I failed at marriage myself. But it was never about either of us being unfaithful, to which we are both quite thankful. Why do people get married if they’re going to behave like kids on spring break?
    Well done, pal. As per usual.

  15. katecrimmins says:

    This is a sitcom! A very successful sitcom. I hope it’s coming to a station near me!

  16. An older lady once assumed I adopted my bi-racial children from Africa, and while they are adopted, I got them right here in Texas. I didn’t have to heart to tell her we had our own black people…. LOL

  17. bfg666 says:

    Speaking of Mandela, you gotta love the phoney sign language translator who crashed the celebration…

    • SidevieW says:

      indeed, so typical of the cronyism in our government, the man apparently has ‘high’ connections and is untouchable, even the police dockets disappear when he is charged with some crime. and someone slipped up enough to let him (with a history of violnce accusations and schizophrenia) onto the world stage.
      The current jokes about it are pretty good though

      • bfg666 says:

        I didn’t know that! I thought it was just a case of careless employment without checking the guy’s genuineness.

      • SidevieW says:

        The ‘company’ that has now disappeared is alsso roumoured to be owned by some ANC bigwig, things are toatally out of hand here

      • bfg666 says:

        Isn’t the ANC Mandela’s party? One would think someone like him would act against nepotism in his cohorts…

      • SidevieW says:

        Mandela was 95, he retired frompolitics years ago and has had more status as a thought leader and icon. The ANC has degenerated into a corrupt government whish wastes public money granting tenders to buddies who don’t deliver, spending millions of the creation of a private ‘compound’ for the president, while OT delivering on the promises to the poor, basic housing, education, health care. So very much NOT what Mandela stood for. Did you hear President Banda of Malawi ? She more or less told off President Zuma for forgetting the basics of the ANC

      • bfg666 says:

        Such a shame! A bit like learning that Amnesty International would secretly advocate for slavery… I hope that they come to their senses or that the people rise to overthrow them.

      • SidevieW says:

        I wish we could get a change of government, this could be such a great ountry

  18. well done for telling it how it is, Hook! It’s shitty to have a girlfriend and a wife, never mind the chutzpah. How weird about the Mandela incident. Good intentions, but incredible ignorance!

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