Coming NEVER to a Television Screen Near You…

Don’t blame me for this rambling mess of a post. Today is my Monday, folks. (Thanks for that, Thanksgiving. Love ya.)

A mild-mannered bellman finds himself swept up into a disaster of epic proportions when a freak meteorological disaster drops thousands of imbeciles, nitwits and fools over the city of Niagara Falls on the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend.

Don’t miss The Hook in his made-for-television-but-sure-to-never-be-aired-debut….

DOUCHENADO!

(Makes Sharknado look like an infomercial!)

Yes, this is really how my mind works. What can I say? Yesterday’s shenanigans – over 800 check-outs in a three-hour period  – not only marked the true end of the ridiculously crazy season, they marked the beginning of a new period in my writing career. Inspired by a dozen calls of a truly insane nature – seriously, the only thing that would have put the day over the top would have been a visit by the duo of Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes – I have decided to turn over a new literary leaf and start really cutting loose in my messages to the outside world.

If writers like Kelly Oxford and The Bloggess can capture the world’s attention by letting their inner-nutbar run loose, then why can’t a crazy, white, Canadian bellman do the same?

(A three-hour period? Hey, wouldn’t it be cool if something like that actually existed, ladies? Your lives would certainly be easier.)

So to sum up, my next book, whenever it actually comes together, will be an entirely different animal from its predecessor. It should take twelve months or so; Sarah’s creation, The Misadventures of Misery, has to take precedence. In the end, it may only debut on the Kindle – I can’t expect VampireLover to shell out our hard-earned cash a second time, especially considering how much of a disaster the first book to carry my name was – but the next volume of The Bellman Chronicles will not only knock your socks off, it’ll set them aflame with laughter.

Hopefully.

That’s all for now, guys ‘n gals. By the way, I’m still on hiatus (okay, semi-hiatus), but every once in a while the creative urge becomes too powerful to ignore. I arrived home a few days ago to find my father-in-law, Jack, fascinated/repulsed by the televised train wreck that is Sharknado and so this post began to form…

So if you’re reading this, wifey, blame Ian Ziering and Tara Reid. I’m just the victim here.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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79 Responses to Coming NEVER to a Television Screen Near You…

  1. I was hoping for a few tales of the Canadian thanksgiving weekend shananigans here and now, but I guess I’ll have to wait for the book…or the TV show.

  2. MissTiffany says:

    Your inspiration is infectious. I find myself wanting to work furiously on my writing projects (that I’ve been slow to work on lately) and get things done. Best of luck on The Misadventures of Misery (have I told you how awesome that title is?) and your new book. :)

  3. susielindau says:

    I hope you can nap today. So excited to hear about your new book!

    • The Hook says:

      I’m a looong way from the finish line, but at least the marathon has begun.
      I’m in awe of Sarah’s progress, as well. Her dream is really coming together at last.
      Thanks for dropping by and lifting my spirits, Susie.

  4. Way to tease us, Robert. My imagination is running wild with all the mishaps I can think of involving turkey. Did someone drop them from a plane because he thought they could fly? Did the guy across the hall get his head stuck in one?

  5. jmlindy422 says:

    Let your nutbar fly! (What’s a nutbar? Do I have one? Does everyone have one? And that three-hour period? Genius. Except I stopped periods. Too late for me.)

  6. A Canadian is never the victim…:) Thank you for reading me..:)

  7. The Bloggess is the bomb! I saw her on Katie Couric and read her book and now I follow her blog! She is awesome and has a wonderful story. She has truly been an inspiration and one of the very reasons I started blogging. I figured if people would read HER, they would read anything! Right?? LOL!
    Have an awesome “Monday” Bellman…… :-)

  8. The Cutter says:

    Ian Ziering and Tara Reid are blameless! You hear me? BLAMELESS! I mean, they’re just great actors.

  9. Brother Jon says:

    It seems like Douchenado is an occurrence that happens in several places…possibly at the same time. I think I’ve seen one or two before.

  10. Carrie Rubin says:

    Good luck with the writing! Always nice to have a new project to invigorate us. :)

    • The Hook says:

      Indeed!
      I’m going to take my time and let this one unfold organically.
      Besides, I have a daughter who is depending on me to keep my word where her dreams are concerned. And let’s face it, I wouldn’t be much a dad if I put my dreams first, would I?

  11. G says:

    I believe in you both, hell all three of you! I believe you deserve to be noticed for your humor. I believe she deserves to be noticed for her imagination.

  12. bardictale says:

    Mondays…hope it goes over well for you. Have fun letting your nutbar fly^^

  13. Jennifer says:

    Oh, you are too good. I can’t wait to never watch that one, although your book sounds like fun.

  14. Now that’s something to look forward to!
    Meantime, Hook better take care of himself!! :-) !!

  15. I can’t say I’m not happy you’ve done a couple posts, but take care of you, and can’t wait for the book!

  16. I tried to watch Sharknado once and had to bail. I guess I’m not hip enough for it. Keep writing, Hook!!

  17. Happy belated Thanksgiving, Hook. Hookster. Hookaroni. Hautehook. Ok, I’ll stop now. That was fun, though, wasn’t it? I’m sorry for the Douchenado, though. Doucheorama, doucheabusea, doucholea, douche vita. Ok, I’ll stop now. I like that last one, though.

  18. So you’re saying I don’t need to set my DVR? That’s good, because I keep forgetting to watch whatever it is I record….

  19. Daile says:

    Happy Thanksgiving Hook. I will await your book with baited breath. And your inevitable return to blogging! Hope you get some time off with family for thanksgiving

    • The Hook says:

      We had dinner together Monday night, so I can’t complain.
      Actually, I can… and do.. but that’s beside the point, right?
      Thanks for dropping by, Daile.

  20. 1jaded1 says:

    Who would play the leads if Douchenado made it to the screen?

  21. nutbar, I think I have one unrecognized for too long, It’s coming out now, Thanks for a fun read.

  22. djmatticus says:

    Wait, you actually want to us to buy your book? Well, all you had to do was ask… :-P
    Looking forward to the next installment already.

  23. Cayman Thorn says:

    I’m glad I keep checking on you, and keep finding something new going on. You’re the up to my downs, man. As the kids like to say, keep it chill.
    PS- I’m not sure the kids say it that way, but I felt younger just trying it out. So there’s that.

  24. OH if you only followed me on *TWITTER* @LUV_Recovery or @kitcatlyon You would have known I wished ALL MY Canadian Pals a *HAPPY THANKSGIVING*……So it’s a little belated, *HAPPY CANADIAN THANKSGIVING HOOK!*….LOL…So sorry it seems you had to work :-(
    But at least you got some GOOD BLOGGING MATERIAL to write about….RIGHT? I can not WAIT until your next *ADVENTURE OF A BELLMAN* comes out! I’ll be prepared to DO YOU RIGHT!..(SSSHHHHH Don’t tell the wife)…..Do ya BLOG SPOTLIGHT for you on my Writer/Book Blog I have at: http://www.simplesite.com/CatherineLyonAddictedToDimes WHICH will be moving soon here on wpress….. I enjoy helping other Authors get New Peoples to see there work! So keep me posted Hook! Hope you and your family did have a nice Thanksgiving! Hugs & Blessings,
    xxoo Author, Catherine Lyon :-) :-)

  25. Hoping you had a plump happy holiday and a little time to rest.
    Encouraged to hear book progress. Be brave: there are no failures, only learning steps….besides sometimes previous titles are “discovered” after a reader gets hooked on a new release (you are catch and release, right?).
    800 in 3 hours? (crazy enough to inspire crazed writing for sure)
    Hey, grab the kid and head over to Jibjab and make a movie- you deserve someone else providing some giggles sometime!

    • The Hook says:

      The first book was a learning process and now I know the answer to success rests on three factors:
      1) Releasing a well-written, well-edited product.
      2) Writing with honesty while never forgetting to be entertaining.
      3) Luck. Copious amounts of luck.

      I plan on taking my time this time around and releasing a book bristling with originality and plenty of yucks.

      Thanks for weighing in, old friend.

  26. Bob Lee says:

    You are an inspiration and always get me to laugh. So good to see your post pop up in my email again. So good to hear you had a good Thanksgiving. Yup yuks – there ya go – the tv pilot – the yup yuks at the falls …

  27. TBM says:

    Happy writing Hook!

  28. RageMichelle says:

    Great title!!! I love it

  29. Cameron says:

    Ian Zeiring would be perfect for Douchenado. Just saying…

  30. giselzitrone says:

    Thank you schönen Abend lieber Hook Gruß…..

  31. The Guat says:

    Thanks for coming out of semi-hiatus to bring us some laughter and good news on your upcoming awesomeness. Can’t wait :)

  32. Meka says:

    So glad you came from hiatus for this update. I smiled the whole way through. I’m slowly succumbing to the likelihood of a “first disaster” and that’s making it easier. Good luck. I look fwd to you coming off hiatus soon for another lively update

  33. jordansky26 says:

    I love that your hiatus involves writing. My hiatus involves thinking about what I want to write, writing, then editing everything out. You way is a lot more productive.

    • The Hook says:

      Don’t be so sure.
      I have two writing projects I’d love to complete but most days I’m pretty blocked.
      Thank you for the heartfelt praise, though.
      You rock!

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