This is Not a Post. This is What Happens When I Don’t Get Enough Sleep.

Random Thoughts Running Through My Weary Bellman Head At 5:30 am  on a Sunday.

1)  “I love my wife.”  (She may not be happy I’m blogging, but in my defence, my ramblings barely qualify as coherent thought so this isn’t really a post. Hence, the title. Did I mention my wife is the most beautiful soul I’ve ever encountered? And that Elvis rules? And so do vampires?)

2)  “David Gilmour is an idiot.” I could expand on that thought, but this isn’t a post, just a mind bubble that burst and exploded into the blogosphere.

3)  “Breaking Bad ends tonight. Who would have imagined that Tim Whatley would go onto be the most talented and critically approved actor of the entire Seinfeld cast of characters?”

4)Chemistry teachers everywhere most have a love-hate relationship with Walter White.”  On one hand, he’s become the greatest lightning rod/poster boy their profession ever had – not that they’ve had many to begin with, Dr. Jekyll and various other mad scientists are all I can think of – but on the other, he’s a meth kingpin and meth is bad, to say the least. So I imagine they have some mixed feelings about the character. “Mixed feelings”. Get it? 

Moving on…

5)  “I think I’ll start a band comprised of middle-aged slackers. We’ll call ourselves No Direction…..

6)  “Still can’t believe I saw three hookers before 8 am yesterday.” One of them was yakking away on a cellphone: “Yeah, he wanted anal, but I charged him double so it’s all good. Why am I calling so early? Well, we haven’t talked in a while and I needed a break before my next one.” 

7)  “Why the heck do hookers charge more for anal, anyway?You’d think the pain would prove to be a welcome distraction from the fact they’re letting a stranger violate their body in return for little strips of paper used to purchase goods and (sometimes very dirty) services….”

8)  “I hope today doesn’t suck harder than a Mensa meeting where the guest speaker is Justin Bieber.”  Yesterday morning I did five bell calls. Four of those guests stiffed me. There was no afternoon for The Hook. I went home and sweat my tail off in the attic with VampireLover. (We were cleaning and renovating. Perverts.) It was bliss.

9)  “We have a Japanese tour to contend with today. I wonder if the guides are going to behave like squirrels on crack?”  For the uninitiated: Japanese tour guides are the most twitchy, hyper souls you’ll ever meet. Seriously, to them standing still for a moment is akin to an eternity in Hell.

10)  “My kid is already a better writer than her old man. My kid is fourteen.”  It’s true. The kid is refining her third children’s book – of sixteen  – and I still can’t sift through this mess I call a brain to retrieve enough words to compose a second book. My creative engine needs a jump start.

Well, that’s me. If you’ll excuse me, there are twenty-one guests rooms filled with Japanese luggage – no doubt filled with Canadian maple syrup – that require my patent-pending brand of attention.

Be well, folks.

And by the way, if you’re reading this, VampireLover, meeting you was the single greatest event of my life. Every second we’ve spent together has been a bonus that I thank God for every day. I may screw up every once in a while (UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY), but I’m loyal and I’ll never stop trying so that has to count for something, right?

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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65 Responses to This is Not a Post. This is What Happens When I Don’t Get Enough Sleep.

  1. Jennifer says:

    That was an interesting and slightly depressing post for a sunday. Hope things pick up for you.

  2. Ohh so we all have days were we write random shit? Good, not just me then. number five made me chuckle a lot. Thanks for the giggle :)

  3. Cameron says:

    Five made me laugh out loud. You, sir, almost cost me precious drops of Sunday morning coffee!

  4. On the chemistry teacher front, one of my bridesmaids is a chemistry teacher . . . and the same friend who’s a few times tried to coax me into watching the show!

    On your final note? My little dude’s birthday was very, very recently, so I feel you on this one.

    Also the earlier than desired wakefulness. *shakes fist at it*

  5. Cathy Ulrich says:

    Hi Robert! I haven’t been by in a while. Enjoyed your stream-of-consciousness this morning and hope you’re having a good day. While it’s normal for you, I do like reading about your life and observations. And I’m glad you’re feeling better.
    Cathy

  6. granny1947 says:

    Loved this post and the way you talk about your wife….do you have a much, much, much older brother?

  7. Thank Goodness there are no Japanese Hookers.

    Are there?

  8. Why are your random thoughts so brilliant? My random thought seem towards things like, “2 more days until they will have Pumpkin Pie Blizzards at Dairy Queen”. October, you’ve got to love it. Apparently I qualify for your band, “No Directions”.

  9. FeatherMoon says:

    Pleasure to be here on this early morning, however I lost quite a bit of coffee from laughing along the way; life is good… *smiling* Thanks for making my day brighter ~ Linda

    • The Hook says:

      My apologies on the coffee; I realize how precious java is to my readers. I feel bad, but I’m glad you made it through the post without getting burned!

  10. Funny how creative a person with lack of sleep can be….
    But, hang on, you are like that ANYTIME! …so get some sleep!!!!
    We want a healthy Hook! [creative + talented is covered!] :-)

  11. Chatty Owl says:

    Fidgety Japanese guides make me laugh. As much as do hookers.

  12. Chicken says:

    I’m a band of one. I call myself 50 Directions. The Japanese tour guides have nothing on me.

  13. You’re a pretty darn good writer in my books. Why are you up so early?

  14. bfg666 says:

    2) I began wondering “why the hell is he calling Pink Floyd’s genius guitarist an idiot?” Then I clicked on the link and it all made sense. Didn’t know there was a homonym. In these excessively prude times of political correctness and endless Twitter witchhunts, one would think a university lecturer would be wise enough not to publicly say things that could be misinterpreted. Then again, if universities are no longer the home of free thought and free speech, where is this world headed? For more info, here’s the link to the full, unedited interview: http://www.randomhouse.ca/hazlitt/blog/gilmour-transcript. Before making up your minds, make sure you read all of it. The comments are particularly enlightening, both on the witchhunters’ narrow-mindedness and Mr. Gilmour’s stance.

    5) …and your repertoire should comprise all the great original songs that 1D ripped off, like The Clash’s Should I Stay or Should I Go?

    7) As far as I know, violation implies non-consent. Hookers GIVE AWAY their bodies for said little strips of paper.

    8) What a strange thought… Why would JB ever be a guest speaker at a Mensa meeting? That would be like letting Miley conduct the London Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Never gonna happen.

  15. renxkyoko says:

    Nice ! And so sweet about the wife !

  16. bardictale says:

    The moment it’s possible to make a functioning, human-like android, I’ll send you one so that you’ll get a decent amount of sleep. Take care^^

  17. What post? If there had been a post, I probably would have said something like – good one!

    Nice to see you though Hook.

  18. TBM says:

    When we would go to Disneyland in California when I was a kid there would be hookers near the entrance at 8 am. Walt Disney would not be happy. Not sure I can say he’s rolling in his grave because I think he’s frozen. Might be wrong about that.

  19. No Direction – brilliance spilling out of that exhausted brain. Can you ask talented daughter to create a logo for members to put on their blogs?…..you won’t have guidelines and requirements would you? That wouldn’t seem appropriate.
    Always amusing how many Japanese tourists are willing to load into an elevator – even if it’s bouncing…experienced that again when we delivered the German…she kept looking at me and saying “Can you believe this? Please let’s get out – ‘m getting motion sickness.”
    Sometimes I have this feeling we should all send you a big supply of antibacterial hand gel…but not helpful for eyes or assaulted brain cells.
    Hope you get a moment to snooze

  20. No Direction will go far! If they can be bothered

  21. Yikes! Get your rest, as much as I enjoy your exhausted posts I think you need to take care of that poor bell body and mind! ;)

    Rohan.

  22. jlheuer says:

    I’ve been in China the last two weeks watching Chinese bellmen lug around carts stacked at least 5 bags high. But I bet none of them can write a post like you. Thanks for the smiles.

  23. Ola my friend…I have missed you! I have been taking a small hiatus too, but I try to keep up with those I read. Your random thoughts warmed me~
    Keep on keeping on…… :-)

  24. Your mind wanders fabulously… has anyone ever told you that?
    I mean I went from reading something sweet about your family.. to the anti-dentite, to a tale of hookers… and it all felt so natural.
    My mind is wandering at work right now… I have wedding favors to make for a friend, I have drawings to finish… and there are a lot of hummingbirds outside my window… no hookers, but maybe later.
    Have a nice day Hook!

  25. The Cutter says:

    I guess I understand why they charge more for anal. I mean, that’s considered an “above the norm” service, no?

  26. REDdog says:

    Bugger me, Hook, how has it taken me so long to visit?? Love your take on life an shit, man. Straight to the Follow button for me. Respect REDdog

  27. You are one of the good guys, Hook. My brain is not nearly as creative at 5:30 am – mine jumps directly into work. Sigh….we both need a creative recharge.

  28. Pingback: Well hello darlings! | butimbeautiful

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