Who Says The Art of Conversation is Dead?

Even a seemingly simple trip in an elevator is anything but when you’re Fate’s chew toy.

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW:  The following conversation  involves The Hook and a young, nubile guest. She was statuesque (as one African-American guest noted, “She one tall bitch!”), her hair was sun drenched and her make-up appeared to have been worked on by the same team responsible for the Sistine Chapel.

Her dress was as black and as powerful as a wormhole; you simply couldn’t avert your gaze.

One last thing of note: her chest appeared to have been designed and created by the same special effects studio that created the robots for Pacific Rim. In other words, the young lady had GINORMOUS breasts.

In fact, it was her appearance that gave this conversation some bite…

BLONDE WONDER WOMAN:  My new boyfriend can’t guess my age, the silly goose! 

She had to take great care to ensure her giggles did not evolve into full-blown laughter; a person could get well and truly injured that way.

I took a moment to test my resolve by remembering my wife’s name and then I answered my new friend.

THE HOOK:  May I answer truthfully, miss?

BWW:  Of course, you silly goose!

THE HOOK:  I thought your new boyfriend was the silly goose?

BWW:  Apparently you both are! Although he has bigger muscles than you -

THE HOOK:  Then perhaps we should end this conversation right here. I bruise easy.

BWW: Oh, you! (lowering her voice to a whisper.) Not to worry, sweetie, I don’t tell my boyfriends everything!

THE HOOK: Thank God for that.

She appeared to be an inhabitant of the here and now but the truth was far more fascinating; she was a dictator’s concubine, curled up at his feet. She was a gangster’s moll, wrapped around his arm like a two-legged snake. She was a flapper. She was an anachronism. 

She was still waiting for an answer to her query.

BWW:  So answer my question, will you? How old do you think I am?

At that moment, the elevator paused its ascension to the heavens and three very perplexed travelers disembarked and headed for their rooms to process what was surely the strangest conversation they had ever overheard.

THE HOOK:  To be honest, I suck at the age guessing thing, but I’m willing to bet parts of you are barely a year old!

BWW:  How did you know?

THE HOOK:  I’ve been doing this for a long time. 

Too long, one might say.

About The Hook

Husband. Father. Bellman. Author of The Bellman Chronicles. Reader of comic books and observer and chronicler of the human condition. And to my wife's eternal dismay, a mere mortal and non-vampire. I'm often told I look like your uncle, cousin, etc. If I wore a hat, I'd hang it on a hat rack in my home in Niagara Falls, Canada. You can call me The Hook, everyone else does.
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85 Responses to Who Says The Art of Conversation is Dead?

  1. When certain body parts are younger than the actual body, in order to get an age does one use an average of all the pertinent ages of said body parts to determine an actual age?

  2. michd74 says:

    Again LAUGHED OUT LOUD! !!

  3. Never a dull moment with you.

  4. 1jaded1 says:

    Side-splitting laugh… Ouch….hee.

  5. Pyx says:

    Very diplomatic of you Sir Hook.

  6. Jennifer says:

    Now that was some conversation!

  7. Daile says:

    Bahahahaha! Perfect answer Hook

  8. There were other people on the elevator with you?!?!?!
    LMBO!

  9. The Cutter says:

    Like I said, you might have a real future in pimping

  10. Jo Bryant says:

    Oh you are funny

  11. List of X says:

    “her make-up appeared to have been worked on by the same team responsible for the Sistine Chapel”. You mean, it looked like cracked painted stucco? :)

  12. Oh my, thanks for the laugh :D “Fate’s chew toy” LOL

  13. stephrogers says:

    Hilarious, thanks!

  14. You ARE a charmer dear Hook!!

  15. Diane C says:

    What a picture you painted! I had images of a towering amazon woman standing over Niagara Falls, breasts imagined by every nerdy virgin comic book illustrator!

  16. Nikitaland says:

    Crap, I almost just spit up my morning coffee reading this! You once again hooked me in with your stories. Good job Hook! And truly a funny story! We need to get you some of those new Google Glasses so you can video your guests. Now that would be so fun to see what or who you are talking about. My guess would be that your video on this babe would have been on the parts that were only a year old! LOL

  17. Kayjai says:

    Oh, dear….

  18. Katie says:

    I was hoping this post was heading in that direction, and as usual, it didn’t disappoint!

  19. mairedubhtx says:

    A very diplomatic answer.

  20. Very descriptive! As usual I was right there on the elevator with you witnessing this entire conversation! Hilarious interaction…..I’m impressed with your diplomatic, gentleman comment! Well done :-)

  21. That was too funny, thanks again!

  22. You Silly Goose! I think your response that “parts of you are barely a year old” could have been a comment very detrimental to your health. Thank goodness you have a sixth sense about who you can say what to so that it ended up being a “diplomatic” comment.

  23. What a silly goose you are!
    I loved reading this… as a girl I love to see super glamorous women too. Maybe for different reasons. I am surprised and happy she enjoyed your response… it seemed so dangerous when I read it.

  24. lbtk says:

    Too funny! Why does it seem that some would rather dumb-down their personality? Or perhaps she was just truly too dense. If her new assets were for boyfriend catching, then she’s got a good thing going. Sandy

  25. Well, well, well……You HAVE some fascination with BOOBS….HOOKERS….ELEVATORS….What a Post!!…LOL….AND THIS is why…….hold on to your Jock-Strap…..I know your a GUY!……I’ve Nominated you for “THE BEST MOMENT BLOG AWARD”……WHY U ASK???…..Because every time I read your NEXT BELLMAN Adventure…….Just the word BOOBS has my husband running over to read with me!!……and we have a *MOMENT*…..of Laughter, Giggles, and OH MY’S!!
    That’s why YOU deserve this award! SO HEY,……No Pressure to pass it on if you don’t want, but if you want to show some Love to other Blogs You Enjoy…….ALL the Details are on my Boring Blog post called, “My Fabulous Blog Awards”!! Just Copy & Paste to your blog…fill in Your info, and WALA!! *CONGRATS* my fellow Author!! Your a HUGE Success!!…LOL….. Hugs& Blessings! (and you need many blessings!..LOL..) Author, Catherine Lyon :-) :-0 :-)

  26. shimoniac says:

    Sometimes I think that hotels should have a sign on the registration desk saying, “Welcome to the Freak Show”. Do you ever say or think that to yourself?

    • The Hook says:

      Definitely!
      “Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter” is the sign I’d love to hang…

    • The other night when we were checking in to a hotel there was an older couple (70-ish) in line ahead of us and the woman said to the front desk agent, “There aren’t any naughty people here are there?” I almost busted out laughing just at the question, but the FD agent said, “Ma’am, this is a hotel, there are always naughty people here.”

  27. ‘A year old…’ Priceless! :D

  28. Living dangerously. Fall down funny.
    You do know how to trap a reader and build a story. Why TV shows aren’t calling you begging you to write for them I can’t possibly understand.
    Thanks for the chuckles

  29. HoaiPhai says:

    I always wondered at what point you get a new odometer when you restore a car.. you’ve just widened the question to people!

  30. Carrie Rubin says:

    There is never really a safe response to the “How old do you think I am” question, but you handled it perfectly. Well played, I say.

  31. Pingback: People You Meet In Emergency Rooms | Miss Four Eyes

  32. Kim says:

    I just scrolled for 10 minutes, to get to the bottom of the comments… and now I can’t recall what I was going to say… lol

  33. Well, she did ask for it…

    You seem like a great conversationalist. If I was there with you, I wouldn’t be able to contain the full blown laugh. She’d give me the killer eye and I’d just stand there looking at my toes praying for deliverance. But you can hook her away from me no doubt about that. ;)

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